???

me: where’s the toilet?

New Yorker: take a left up over at 6th and catch the bus between 12th and 32nd. there you’ll see a hotdog cart at the corner of 53rd…you gotta go on straight past to 47th. between 8th and 34th there’s a little place, ask for Mikey, tell him I sent you an he’ll let you in aight

me: thanks. I’ll just piss in the street

clavid:

On the downside I’m too poor to afford one.

one crack cocaine

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

debit or credit

I actually have a gift card

I like how everybody is paired off haha

#this looks more like an awkward sixth grade slow dance than it does hockey

I FINALLY FOUND OUT WHY THIS HAPPENS. You see this all the time when there’s a fight or a scrum and suddenly everyone pairs up with a member of the opposite team and they just sort of …hold each other.

Someone on reddit asked about it. And it turns out there’s a logical-ish reason:

so now we know! it’s fair…and cute.

Aw best part is no ones left out at this dance

#hockey hugs #more or less #:)))))))) #where’s that one of Karlsson and Mike Green #that one’s priceless

=DDD

#pure

NHL: You need to prevent other player’s from joining in the fight, make sure to hold them back

Hockey players, hugging: Got it.

I mean it is a canadian sport

did dr. dre even attend medical school?

replacing my heart with another liver so i can drink more and care less

I’d punch him in the face if he was looking at me like that

She came for his whole LIFE

any evil pokémon leader ever: my plan is perfect and no one can stop me!

an 11 year old child:

who is tim horton and why does everyone in canada know him

oh ya timmy’s just a good bud there eh

what does this say

when boys shirts lift up and you see their stomach

yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger

It will be my mission in life to find all the Chris Evans laugh edits and apprehend the crafty son of a bitch that keeps making them. 

When you throw out the packaging of a microwave dinner and immediately forget how long to microwave it for

*walks into kitchen at 2 am*

…wow okay.. i need to be quiet…

TRIPS OVER CHAIR, BREAKS LEG, CATCHES HOUSE ON FIRE

who brushes their teeth in the kitchen?

what