Local Old Man Uses Street Cred to Terrorize Youths Description is located under the cut! [ID: The scene is a typical college classroom full of a faceless crowd of students. Everything is washed out in grey scale except for Taako, an old elven man win dark colored wizard robes. And a long try beard. The professor of the class states, “Listen class! We have a special guest here today. The founder of this very institution. He’s many centuries old, so please be respectful.” Taako proceeds to clear his throat, before exclaiming, “What. The fuck is this?” He raises the umbra staff in indignation, pointing it at the large black board behind him. “Is this fucking math?!” He continues, as the professor watch on helplessly. “Back in my day, when the world was going to shit, we didn’t sit on our asses!!” He points at the students. “Which is why class is formally dismissed. If anyone is still her in the next 60 seconds, they’ll be expelled.” The students immediately take off, some opting to use magic to poof away, on student flying out, and everyone else breaking into a run. Cut to later that day… Kravitz, depicted with greyed hair and an older appearance asks Taako, “So, did it work?” Taako grins and dispenses the spell that hides his true appearance, a relatively younger elf, with still silver hair and a few smile lines. His clothes are also more colorful and decorative. He says, “Like a fuckin’ charm.” As the two of them walk side by side, Kravitz asks, “So they’ve really lost track of your age?” Taako replies, “So it seems. If they can’t be bothered to fact check, I can’t be blamed for having a little fun.” End ID]
What does your favorite Scum Villain's Self Saving System ship says about you
(Inspired by Eldena Doubleca5t's series on YouTube)
Disclaimer: Everything here is meant to be taken as a joke. There is nothing serious here. Ok? Ok.
Let's go
BingQiu
You are a firm believer in keeping things canon and keeping things kinky.
QiJiu
You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of the tragedy of what it could have been.
BingJiu
Same joke as QiJiu, but you probably also love some hate-fucking.
LiuShen
You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of borderline unhealthy devotion.
TianXi
You are a firm believer in men 👏 getting 👏 pegged 👏.
MoShang
You would 100% Ship Jakken and Sesshomaru from Inuyasha, if Jakken was a bit attractive.
BingLiu
You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of using your sword to tilt the head of your rival after a bloody fight between the two of you.
BingLiuShen
You surely have, at least once, used the "x character has two hands" meme to justify shipping a throuple before.
GongyiXiao X SY!Shen Qingqiu
You just wanted good things for Gongyi Xiao. And really, who wouldn't?
ZhuShen
Either you just wanted good things for Zhuzhi-Lang OR you are really horny for snakes.
MingLing
You probably were around some shonen anime fandoms (ie Naruto and Bleach) and started to see fights as low-key first dates.
NingMing
Your interest in the main cast os overshadowed by your interest in cute girls being in love with one another.
MingLingNing
You probably think that Bingge's harem would be much happier if they were actually a big sapphic polycule.
Zhuzhi-Lang X Gongyi Xiao
One day, your addiction to good boys ™️ got so bad thar tou thought: what's better than one good boy? TWO good boys.
Mu Qingfang X Liu Qingge
You probably hate Mu Qingfang's donghua design.
BingYuan
You like BingQiu, but think it could be less messy if Shen Yuan didn't have the Shen Qingqiu persona to fall into.
BinggeYuan
Your favorite relationship dynamic is two red-flags finding happiness with each other.
CumPlane
Your favorite relationship tag on AO3 is Dumbasses to Lovers.
Shencest
Your favorite relationship dynamic is "messed up character" X "person who wants to fix them".
BingBei
Your addiction to demon lords got so bad that one day you thought "what's better than one demon lord? Two demon lords!".
Yue Qingyuan X Liu Qingge X Shen Qingqiu
You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of loving Shen Qingqiu.
Can’t believe you left this in the tags @thewitchywinnie
The goblin looked at the orc. The orc looked at the goblin. They both looked down at the crumpled shape of the Overlord, His Unholy Majesty, in his obsidian armor.
His final spasms had been mesmerizingly acrobatic. The fall down the steps leading up to his iron throne had pretzelled his body quite impressively, both arms folded behind his back and one leg bent at a jaunty angle.
The goblin looked at the orc. The orc looked at the goblin.
"Shit," said the goblin.
"Shit," said the orc.
"We're likely to get blamed for this," the goblin said. She walked over to the head of the glittering mangled heap and started pulling the helmet off.
"It's not our fault," the orc said. "It's hard to help someone choking when they wear two-hundred pounds of spiked armor at all times."
"Yeah, well," the goblin grunted. The helmet came free, and the bald head of the Overlord bounced on the stone with a hollow, coconut noise. "You know how it is in this bloody country - thieves get their heads cut off so they can't think about thieving, and all that." She fished in the Overlord's mouth with a finger and pulled out the obstructing olive on the end of her claw.
She popped it into her mouth and chewed. "What do you reckon they do for a regicide?" she said.
"We should run," the orc said. She had started bouncing her leg. "I hear that there's some places in the Alliance where they just kill you and let you stay dead. That's got to be nicer than what'll happen if we stay here."
The goblin started to nod - and then her gaze fell on the helmet.
It looked like a pineapple designed by a deranged blacksmith. It was all thorns and spikes and hard edges, as though the maker had been very determined to not let pigeons roost on it. The only bits that weren't solid iron were eyeholes. Nobody had ever seen the Overlord's face.
She held up the helmet and squinted from it to the orc. One of the thorns had been bent badly in the fall.
Nobody had ever seen the Overlord's face...
"Right," she muttered. "Right. Could work - or."
The orc had a sudden vision of the immediate future. "No," she said.
"I mean you're about his height-"
"No."
"It would just be for a-"
"Absolutely not."
"Just hear me out," the goblin said. "Outside of this room are two-thousand men and orcs and goblins who are absolutely gonzo about this man, and there's a whole country of them outside of the castle, and at any moment someone's going to walk in that door and see one dead tit in black armor and two unbelievably dead idiots next to him.
"Or." She tossed the helmet up like a basketball to the orc, who fumbled and tried to find somewhere to hold it that wasn't a knife's edge. "We chuck him out the window now, walk out the door in the armor, and ditch the armor as soon as nobody sees us."
The orc had started bouncing her leg again. "They'll know something's up the second I walk out of the room."
"No worries," said the goblin. "Leave that to me."
---
It had been a very strange year for the Empire.
Change had rolled across the land as slow and inevitable as a glacier. Roads and bridges carved the gray, blasted wildlands, and a number of social reforms had made the country a place where you could be miserable, yes, but miserable in comfort and safety, and that was an improvement.
Barely anyone got boiled alive in molten metal, and even if the disgusted sun never rose to light the Empire, at least you had a roof over your head to protect yourself from the acid rain.
You’ve heard of Fantasy Costco, now get ready for:
- Fantasy Ikea - A vast and echoing hall presided over by a fairy lord turned legitimate merchant (or so they claim!), this oddly sedate bazaar’s household goods – carefully labelled in Old High Elvish – are apparently wholly mundane, though their purchasers often discover unexpected features later on. While it’s relatively safe as fairy markets go, mortal customers are advised against eating the complimentary meatballs.
- Fantasy Lowe’s - Originally the headquarters of a dwarven crafting guild set apart from their fellows by their affinity for working in wood rather than stone, this establishment has since grown into a sprawling combination lumberyard and trading post whose workers spend as much time advising on outside projects as attending to their own. Oddly, the guild’s membership is nearly exclusively female, a fact that non-dwarf customers often miss on account of the beards.
- Fantasy Starbucks - A tavern bearing the sign of a leaping stag surmounting a pentagram, this establishment will, upon request, add shots of various magic potions to its customers’ drinks. These potions – brewed in bulk by apprentice hedge-mages from locally sourced reagents – are typically quite weak, rarely rising to a level that would warrant any mechanical bonus, though many patrons swear by specific combinations which are claimed to be greater than the sum of their parts.
- Fantasy PetSmart - A loosely affiliated network of rogue exotic animal dealers, outlawed in many kingdoms less for the quality of their wares – which are typically genuine, unlike those of most of their peers – and more for their indiscriminate sales policies: to wit, they’ll sell anything to anyone, and if this results in, say, a whole village being turned to stone by a local merchant’s new guard basilisk, well, that’s not their problem. They should have read the care pamphlet!
- Fantasy Walmart - In its larval stage, this transdimensional monstrosity generates a feeding orifice commonly known as the bag of devouring, which it uses to trick adventurers into handing over their ill-gotten gains. The creature’s adult form has grown beyond material sustenance, and subsists on the abstract concept of prosperity; its feeding orifice can take many forms, but one of the most common is a wondrous store that quickly drives local farmers and craftspeople out of business with low, low prices, then just as abruptly vanishes, leaving economic ruin in its wake.
Kontent
Theres no fukin betterer way zum flyen.
What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?
.. i’m palestinian
same energy
there’s more
SIGH
here’s another one
IT GETS WORSE WITH EVERY ADDITION
how does this get even worse
I think about once in a while…
We have another one…
This is the internet now tho 😭💀
Omg so many additions since I last saw this post! 😂😂😂
It’s funny but incredibly telling how entitled/ignorant/insensitive some of these people are… idk if it’s an education gap or purposeful ignorance.
The really bewildering thing to me is that I remember when you needed to get up and pull a dictionary off the shelf, or visit a library to look up the facts you needed. Now people have all kinds of information literally at their fingertips and they can’t be bothered to use it.
Oh dear gods, it’s gotten worse
When you know politics but no facts
don’t take people too seriously on the internet
This hits different when combined with that “Americans don’t learn other countries exist till they’re in 5th Grade” post from the other day.
Demily recently got another one lads
Also, I love that, in the sign language one, it seems like the last image might’ve been a gif of “fuck you,” screenshot at the perfect time to let you know they were about to sign “fuck you”
As a romanian person I gotta add this one too
This is my favourite post on this website
Throwback to when I made a slideshow presentation to convince my friend to watch BBC’s Merlin
[ID: The video begins with a person showing the package for a padlock. Over the video is a TikTok comment which reads "master lock has a bounty on this mans head". The person making the video begins narrating: "You won't believe this lock's special feature. It's a Master Lock model 570 maximum pick resistant pad lock. It has 5 pins, including some security pins and, if you look carefully inside the key weight, you can actully see where they put the disappointment." The video ends with the person jamming a pick into the lock, which opens it instantly. end of ID]
As a lockpicking hobbyist: it really is like that.
I have many padlocks (and other, uh, lockable devices) to which I probably have the keys somewhere but it's frankly quicker to pick (or in some cases, technically bypass but what most people would still call picking) the lock than find the right key.
And usually yes, that quickly.
And those tiny padlocks, to go on luggage (or, uh, other things that need tiny locks)? No need even for lockpicks, a paperclip will suffice to open it in 0.1s
Now I'm used to seeing this sort of thing as I frequent the lockpickinglawyer's youtube channel so I am familiar with how Masterlock's products consistently fail to resist even the most low skill picking. Which is why when I heard the brand "masterlock" and saw the person had a wave rake (a tool for low skill picking) I knew this wouldn't take long...
I was not expecting the visceral nature of this picking; the single thrust and twist, the casual toss, the verbal disdain, the sense like you just watched something be swiftly gutted.
It was an experience.
so I watched the sandman…
there was not a single braincell amongst the characters in this silly little show
you're a medieval peasant out with the lads for a pint, talking shit about how you're never gonna die (as you do) when you get approached by a skinny weirdo who tells you "alright bet see you here in 100 years then" and then fucks off until it's actually been? A 100 years? And you aren't dead? So you go back to the tavern and the weirdo is there and tells you "yeah you can live as long as you want, just meet me for dinner once a century and tell me how things are going" so you just...do that. And the next time you see the stranger, who you're beginning to suspect doesn't own clothes in colors that aren't black or darker black, he fucking abandons you to talk to some shit maudlin playwright EVEN THOUGH you just met the queen and have clearly prepared a king's feast for the both of you and then it's a 100 years again and the shit playwright's works are suddenly good and being talked about everywhere and you're getting attacked by a crazy lady but somehow the stranger makes her see ghosts with a handful of sand? And flirts with you (you're pretty sure) so the next time you see him you're like "ah okay we're friends now right?" and for absolutely no reason this offends the fuck out of the stranger, who marches out onto the street like it's a runway for Lonely Brooding so you figure he'll cool off in a 100 years but he doesn't show so you spend an evening getting absolutely smashed wondering what the last 600 years of your life even were and then it's a 130 years later and your goth asshole is standing in front of you smiling and calling you his friend. You smile back. He sits down and you start to chat. You still don't know this guy's fucking name.
BatDad doesn't know words like peace and tranquility. Batman: Wayne family adventures - Episode 34: Recovery
We stan JiaHao😭
[captions]
plaid shirt: my name is tyler and i’ve created a monster
[tyler voiceover]
let me explain:
this is my husband jiahao. one time, i asked him what his favorite game was to play when he was growing up and you know what he said? fire. so for his birthday, i got him a fire pit - see here.
things started out pretty innocent, he would disappear for long periods of time and send me pictures of burnt sweet potatoes, but that was okay.
then he bought a small power saw. THEN the stealing began. well, kind of. he began scouring the neighborhoods for dead trees that were being thrown away so he could drag them home and burn them.
yesterday he said he wanted to go on a long walk, but it was only because he saw sticks next door
jiahao: excuse me, make room
[tyler voiceover]
he also bought a small hatchet, which was a little concerning but um, i take full responsibility for enabling all of this
jiahao: successful. i’m so successful!
tyler: do i have plans of stopping him? no. because i like s’mores and the uh, the opportunity to eat s’mores in this house has increased by like, 200%
[end captions]
THIS is the gay agenda
potential arsonist x smores lover is my new favourite ship dynamic
This has so much Dionysus and Hermes energy! xDDD