@ratbagqueen / ratbagqueen.tumblr.com
then again
the more things change….
The people making these memes obviously have never seen some of the weird ass shit in old-timey photos. A quick Google and:
Humans are basically a giant jumble of weirdos that try to belittle other weirdos…
That’s the most accurate and poignant description of human nature I’ve ever read
Hannibal Show
Hannibal Fandom
IT’S BACK
Accurate
-ugly cackle-
LMAO THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE
Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month
this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life
You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.
DO A BARREL ROLL
#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??
Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???
… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this? “HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…
Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.
OK so I’m sure people are aware of this, but just in case you’re not: there is an annual ‘award’ given every year by the Literary Review for bad sex scenes in fiction. The above entry (sorry) by Morrissey won this illustrious award in 2015 (and yes, he threw a massive tantrum about it, because he’s Morrissey):
The best part of this is that the 2016 nominations were just announced, and OH BOY, there are some absolute crackers this year:
And in case anyone is interested, these are some of the entries that Morrissey beat to the top prize last year:
I agree. We are spoilt by fanfiction.
I literally never want to hear anyone badmouth fanfiction again, I have never in all my years of internetdom read anything as troubling as, “Under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop - Psalms were about to pour out of me.”
“Come, sonny boy” is where I absolutely lost it
@m0th3rw4r - never put down your writing again. Ever. These are published!!
I feel like at least half of these are trying to be Hemingway–which is yet /another/ reason to never try to be Hemingway. (Number one reason is that Hemingway sucks)
No matter how horrible I think my sex scenes are, I am reasonably certain they are not this terrible.
Literally heard a convo at the library where a guy was telling a girl that he’s an omega and the girl telling him that she’s a beta, and my mind just did not automatically connect the context to fraternity pledge classes at all and I just whispered to myself “what the fuck?? What the fuck??”
“Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great. You have no power over me.” Labyrinth (1986) dir. Jim Henson
#so apparently in one of the first drafts of this #it had jareth stating at the final confrontation that instead of a new toby!goblin he’d rather have a queen’ #and like if they thought that was not appropriate or too adult and tried to amend to tone it down #then really they just spectacularly failed #replacing a basic fae proposal with ‘fear me love me do as i say and i will be your slave’ #guys if that’s toning it down i’d love to see what amped up would be jfc #oh marry me is too much - let’s imply maybe a complex sexual co-dependency dynamic #smooth - well done guys - nailed it
Daphne du Maurier (via quotemadness)
My initial reaction was to quickly look away when he caught me staring.
Since Tumblr is being awfully quiet about this drama going on between Nethelands and Turkey, allow me to shine some light on this rediculous happening.
As some of you may know: dutch elections are coming up, that are currently on the same level of chaos as the american last year.
A few days ago, the turkish minister of foreign business (I’m just literal translating don’t know the english word) wanted to speech in Rotterdam about a referendum in Turkey that will give Erdogan more power, a.k.a. become a dictator. That visit was supossed to be today but parlement (all parties, left and right) decided to say no to this visit because we are in the middle of campaigning for our own shitshow and don’t want another country meddling with the people that have to vote. Also we don’t support this referendum.
Erdogan got pissed, pulled out some sanctions, and called us nazi’s and facists.
He’s done this to Germany as well for not supporting his plan and in my eyes you’re just being a huge manchild.
Tumblr likes punching nazi’s, Tumblr likes freedom of speech, sexuality and gender. (Things Holland likes too, remember gay marriage in 2001, first of the world, ;) )
I’m sort of freaked out about the situation and the silence around it on the internet. Trump is a big deal, but I can tell you that Erdogan is on the same page.
I justed wanted to inform you on this, do with it whatever you want. I don’t really care anymore.
Erdogan calling us fascists and national-socialists would almost be hilarious if it wouldn’t be so hypocritical.
Erdogan is seriously one of the biggest threats to Europe and I’m glad people are finally speaking up about it.
No freedom of press or no freedom of speech in that country whatsoever.
After that “coup” (staged coup would be a better way to describe it) Erdogan has been arresting people left and right saying they’re Gulen supports… Turkey has formally arrested more than 37,000 people and has already sacked or suspended 100,000 civil servants, judges, prosecutors, police and others [Reuters/2016] And the numbers are only rising!
The Turkish authorities ordered the shutdown of 45 newspapers, three news agencies, 16 television channels, 15 magazines and 29 publishers in a decree that was published in the government’s official gazette [The New York Times]
To see this man has so much hold on Turkish/Dutch people who have been living in Holland for years or even since birth is what confuses me so much… And I really don’t understand how they still can feel such a strong bound with a country and don’t see how that man is pure evil. I’m saying this as a person who herself is mixed, where half of my family hasn’t been born in Holland, but never in a million years I can imagine them doing something like this never. They feel Dutch.
I think with the elections being on Wednesday and this being the main topic on the news for days probably (and rightfully so) Wilders (who was going down a little in the polls for what those are worth) will get such a boost because of this.
The original tired and gay
I love this picture so much. I could read 100K words fanfictions about this picture.
anatomy of a cannibal, for scientific purposes
I watched Hannibal since its beginning in 2013, and in the end I was like: I came for the murders, I stayed for the gay.
I started watching because I heard it was super gay.
Got half way into the first episode and realized it was brilliant, and I would love it. Gay or no gay.
Got into the second season, realized how gay it was and gave away my soul to this show.
“That country whose people are Autumn people, thinking only Autumn thoughts.” Thank you Ray Bradbury.
Sometimes I realize that Will never saw Hannibal in his leather outfit and I get sad
Argument 67 for a season 4.
