The Rain Monster

i am about to bestow upon you the secret butter technique. i am sorry, but it is french. i am sorry again, this only works with cow butter. i am certain plant based butters wouldn’t work, and alternative animal butters may or may not work

has this ever been you: you have a nicely steamed vegetable, or maybe you want to make the best butter noodles, but you know that if you put butter on those it’ll just melt and you end with kind of greasy noodles or vegetables? don’t you wish it was instead a luscious buttery glaze?

introducing: beurre monté

you will take a small sauce pan, and begin heating it with 1-2 tablespoons of water (use very little water) and bring it to a hard simmer or boil

turn the heat down slightly, and add Butter. how much? however much you dare. (start with 3-4 tablespoons and go from there)

you are going to either whisk Aggressively or you can pick up the saucepan, still holding it over the heat, and swirl aggressively so the butter is skating around the sides of the pan

done correctly, you will have liquid butter that is still emulsified. you have made Butter Sauce. season it with a little salt, and toss whatever you want in it.

if you’re butter splits, i’m sorry. you didn’t agitate it enough to maintain the emulsion, and now you have melted butter.

you can use this knowledge to make other sauces by swapping out the water for another liquid. white wine becomes beurre blanc. red wine is beurre rogue.

you want to CUM? sweat minced shallot in a tiny bit of butter, add white wine and cook it out until it’s reduced by about half. then whisk butter in hard. a few flecks of minced thyme or fennel frond stirred thru, and you eat that with a nice seared fish? or scallop? or even shrimp? wow. you will Nut

your boxed mac and cheese game can also be elevated by cooking your pasta and making a beurre monté first, tossing your pasta in that and adding the cheese packet. wow. hey; you’ll cum

go forth now with this butter secret

Ok idk who came up with making a "cleaningsona" but that hack works so damn well?? I absolutely cannot clean my room until I put on my most Victorian blouse, my fangs, start playing my funky little vampire playlist, and pretend I'm an 800 year old immortal who's bittersweet about packing up and moving to a new town with a new identity because locals are starting to catch on that I'm a vampire

Or perhaps, if you need a sense of urgency, you may also be an age old vampre currently imprisoning hosting a young englsh solicitor in your home and you must clear up quickly so that your new good friend doesnt notice you have no staff and that the two of you are in fact alone, in this castle, in the middle of no where? Maybe? Idk

I used to work in a big produce warehouse and would close it alone. As I went checked the cold coolers and plugged in the forklifts down the long empty hallways, turning all the lights off, I'd pretend zombies or raptors or something was chasing me and I had to be quiet and quick. Always made it way more fun.

yeah man we can tell

he looks like hes on the verge of sobbing

Yes. Have YOU considered that sometimes working on hard things is both necessary and worthwhile?

The second half of that exchabge has strong "Have you tried _not_ being autistic?" vibes.

This post was actually made by an autistic person, so no, that is in fact not the implication being made here. I am not talking about the importance of communication because I am simply far too privileged to comprehend that communication can be hard

yeah, communication is not as easy for me, so i work hard at it, and the net outcome is that i consistently get rated pretty positively on it in most contexts, because i work harder than people who assume they can just do it automatically.

one of the most important realizations I vr had was when I figured out that those skills that other people seemed to have automatically (like looking at faces and recognizing them and matching them to names) were still SKILLS. And that meant I could learn them the effortful way and practice them.

It completely changed how helpless I felt about all the social stuff I was bad at.

I found the greatest reaction set:

@cousin-possum-kc you get back here and share with the class

Selfshippers who ship with weird/unappealing characters. I love you. Like hell yeah you go get with Mr Crocker. Go get with lord faarquad

Rare occasion where twitter elevates something beautiful

Smh you guys can't just leave out this amazing addition that op made

this is surreal to me

in case anyone wants to cheat on their wife

Been in Norway for a few weeks, here are some photos from my trip!

i hope the rest of these are beautiful pictures of lovely landscapes cause what the fuck is that

time to see if my old mpreg player works ahhh!!!

IT WORKS!!!!

MP3 PALYER

Exhale by Christella Bijou

worst relationship status to have w someone is “objectively they’re a fine person who is nice but i don’t enjoy their company as much as they enjoy mine”

second worst relationship status to have with someone is “objectively they’re a fine person but they Bother You”

secret third technically more harmless but in practicality more frustrating relationship status is “objectively they’re a fine person and they like so many of the same things i do but they like them in a fundamentally different way that is harmless but reads wrong to my brain and it has made attempts at forming an actual bond with them aggravating more than anything”

tbh i think stuff like this is why so many people, especially younger people, fall into this trap of “well if i don’t like a person or thing, they must be bad”. it would be so much easier if you could dismiss them as bad and move on. but it’s like, no, Objectively Fine people or things can just not mesh well with you for totally subjective reasons. and sometimes when they’re people you mesh much better with their brain than they do with yours. and sometimes you have to live with that.

tags from @menace-in-the-void !!

“come, let us march against the powers of heaven, and set black streamers in the firmament to signify the slaughter of the gods” is such a raw line you’d think it’s from Shakespeare, but it’s actually from the slightly earlier Elizabethan dramatist Christopher Marlowe

TIL that there's an '80s movie where they portrayed Smilodon by sticking actual fake teeth onto actual live lions.

So I learnt about this as part of a paleontology lecture talking about how it became accepted that saber teeth don't hinder the animals ability to eat

Citation - those people who stuck some on real lions which were able to eat without problems once they got used to them

Impractical effects