I present to you, literally my favorite yelp review at the SmartPet I used to work at. It’s called CLOSING for a reason people

The person who locked the doors in their faces is my hero.

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

no offence but… i wanna be in love

kids are not supposed to die at school. parents are not supposed to drop their children off at school and then get texts like, “mom if i dont make it out of this, know that i love you and appreciate everything youve done for me”. being in high school is not supposed to be a death sentence. yes, america, you fought for your independance. yes, you won. you’re a free country. but you’re not a safe country. power is not supposed to be more valuable than a human life.

most iconic harry news headlines go:

Classic rock and sad wanking – Harry Styles’ debut reviewed

Harry Styles Reacts To Gay Rumors By Creating More Gay Rumors

Harry Styles confused by bra thrown on stage as he tried to eat a banana

A penis activist wants to get everyone talking about harry styles’ foreskin

Harry Styles fans stopped from buying Kiwi fruit ahead of Manchester show

Harry Styles Said He Has Never Had A Sheep Placenta Facial

Ladies Man: Harry Styles is rumored to be dating Harry Styles

Harry Styles reacts to claim he and Barack Obama had gay sex (WATCH)

*makes a phone call*

*walks around in circles*

Fun fact: your brain is trying to find the person you’re talking to because it hears them but can’t see them.

Fucking stupid ass brain

FIRST NAME

Bitch

MIDDLE NAME E

LAST NAME

CHEESE

When you said something that was funny and no one heard so you say it again and they ask why you said the same thing twice

Your belly button is just your old mouth.

….

I was having a good day.  We were all having a good day.

im in philosophy and were talking about how you can doubt everything’s existence except for your own consciousness and the guy that sits in front of me just turns around tears streaming down his face and goes “i am on so many drugs”

GUYS the 80s are back!!!!

Star Wars, high waisted jeans, over sized sweaters, flannels, horrible republican government, conflict with Russia, the ever impending threat of Nuclear Anihilation, scrunchies,

childhood is asking your parents to go to mcdonalds but they say no because “we got food at the house”

adulthood is going to mcdonalds despite having food at the house, but not getting a drink at mcdonalds because you got drinks at the house 

Don’t call me out like this

Typically drinks are one of the more expensive parts of a meal eaten outside the house so it’s a logical call.

chrissyteigen: cancer, leo, libra, scorpio, capricorn, aquarius kimkardashian: aries, taurus, gemini, virgo, sagittarius, pisces

It’s true I an Aquarius would really crop my face out to post a photo of my child

finding out picasso died in 1973 feels like the fakest thing ive ever heard. everyone talks about him like he lived in a cave with nothing but a torch and paint he made from berries or bear shit or somethin but nah this dude probably sat down watchin looney tunes thinkin “damn i should draw some dude with a nose on his forehead thatd be dope” i feel so lied to

hell yea im a gamer

in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck

#literally just had to google that#apparently screens are widely used in Australia USA and Canada#in Europe we deal with stuff that comes through the window like a man(x)

this is why you guys had the black plague.

i love old ladies

i’m at the bus stop and these two very old ladies suddenly recognize each other and very sincerely one goes “holy shit you’re still alive!!” and the other says “i’m gonna outlive my husband if it kills me”