I Would Die For Danny DeVito

“Right. We’re going to wait on the pitch. We’re going to keep our eye on the ball. Then, we’re just going to make contact. We’re not going to think. We’re just going to let it fly, Scully, okay?”

Disclaimer: Feel free to change any of these in order to suit your needs if you need to!

• ❝ Whatever, just no one feed that fucking thing after midnight. ❞
• ❝ You’re right, I would never hurt a fly. Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. You, however, I would maim. ❞
• ❝ You bitches better watch the way you’re talking, because I’ve got NOOOOOO problem fucking your dads and breaking up your family. ❞
• ❝ I feel indifferent towards you. ❞
• ❝ God, I wanna fucking murder you. ❞
• ❝ Are you suggesting a-… how do you say… ménage à trois? ❞
• ❝ Please, keep going. I am loving this. You are so presh! ❞
• ❝ I asked you first. ❞
• ❝ I asked you second. ❞
• ❝ Have fun smelling my poops, bitches! ❞
• ❝ Is this going to take long? ‘Cuz I wanna finish telling you how much a bitch you are, but I got things to do today. ❞
• ❝ Um, lemme get some tater tots. Oh, and also a slice of pepperoni pizza, and also a basket of jalapeno poppers, and some chicken nuggets, a ketchup boat, three potato pancakes, a creamsicle, two quesadillas, a bread loaf, a side of Ranch, some Pixie Stix, taco salad, order of ribs… Aaaaaaaannndddd…. a diet coke. No, strawberry shake. No, diet coke… No. 𝘉𝘖𝘛𝘏. ❞ 
• ❝ I can’t think of a better person to get fat than you. ❞
• ❝ I would apologize, but I really don’t give a fuck. ❞
• ❝ You say potato, I say blow me. ❞
• ❝ Can I go eat now? ❞
• ❝ You’re the handjob girl, right? ❞
• ❝ ♪ It’s raining food, hallelujah, it’s raining food… ♪ ❞
• ❝ The answer to a question I never asked. ❞
• ❝ Would you like to see my breasts? ❞
• ❝ I will tell the whole school you eat dick burritos. ❞
• ❝ Is that crack? Is that what you smoke? You smoke crack? ❞ 
• ❝ Who the fuck let you in here? ❞
• ❝ The only true happiness comes in death. ❞
• ❝ I had my arms ripped off. ❞
• ❝ Goddammit Mom, did you really drag me out school just to find out that you’re a fatass? ❞
• ❝ You’re my rock. ❞
• ❝ And you’re my roll. ❞
• ❝ Your face is unfortunate, you sour-mouthed-slut. How do you even suck a dick through that mouth? With a straw? ❞
• ❝ Okay, if I wasn’t confused before I sure as FUCK am now. ❞
• ❝ I guess that makes me a fucking nun then. ❞
• ❝ Yep. I’m gay. ❞
• ❝ You were supposed to be watching the door! ❞
• ❝ C'mon man, I’m a pervert, not a fucking monster. ❞
• ❝ Jesus Christ! Is that a fucking gremlin? ❞
• ❝ Earlier, before I got here, I killed four men. ❞
• *𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵* ❝ It’s aboot time.❞