If The Original Magic School Bus was still airing today, we all know Ms. Frizzle’s Pride dress would’ve fucking

S L A P P E D

Capybara vocalizations

you are a dollar general ray gun toy, i would die for you

AND YET A TRACE OF THE TRUE SELF EXISTS IN THE FALSE SELF

this post is about plastic dinosaurs

The Evidence:

Holy shit???????

She literally has a giant storeroom full of barrels of pickles because she loves pickles so much what more evidence do you need

What relation do pickles have with the transgender community?

One of the medications used in hormone therapy for trans women (spironolactone, which counteracts testosterone) has the side effect of, putting it crudely, making you have to pee all the goddamn time. That causes dehydration and loss of electrolytes.

Pickles and pickle juice turn out to be a fairly convenient and flavorful way of satisfying an electrolyte craving. Those who’ve been on spiro a long time can develop a nigh-spiritual bond with ‘em.

Part 33 of my bakery “enemies” au!

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Step one: Admit that you don’t despise him. 

Step two: Admit that you love him. 

Wait, I think I missed a step or two in there.

the way how to train your dragon completely ruined my internal scale for good and unique dragon design for the rest of time

dreamworks was confronted with 2 really important questions regarding creature design in how to train your dragon. one: “how do we make the dragon scary but loveable?” two: “how do we make the dragon- a creature that’s nearly a millennia old- fresh...but still recognizable as a dragon?” and they literally just went “cat” and it WORKED

Everyone: is lizard

Dreamworks: yes.

Dreamworks: but also

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said  “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice. 

To be fair to the toddler, that’s pretty much how religions get started.

Our Mom, who art gonna hear about this,

Gotham college student: yeah I’m majoring in psychology

Everyone else:

But listen Gotham University gets a reputation. On one hand all of their science departments are cutting edge; but on the other, because of all the supervillains their graduates have very interesting resumes.

(A yes I did do my masters thesis under Dr. Crane, only because he was the only biochemist that was doing work related to the fear receptacles of the brain. Although my research was focused more on the inhibition fear and how it could potentially help with anxiety….but you know since I’m here in front of you that I’m very good under pressure and can reverse engineer various strains of fear gas in under an hour.)

Because of this Gotham science majors are grabbed by either Gotham companies or the government exclusively. You’re basically guaranteed a job if you survive until you graduate. (Even if you do go insane in the process the rogues are always hiring).

Most employers outside of Gotham avoid business majors due to the fact that they all interned at Wayne Interprises or Batman Inc and both of those are well known for their employee benefits. (Cutting costs by cutting paychecks, over staffing, and only hiring part time does not fly with these graduates… because “do you want supervillains because that is how you get supervillains” never mind that Gotham is an outlier in supervillain creation and should not have been counted)

Art majors are pretty much the only students who graduate unscathed. They are also weirdly calm for art majors and therefore highly sought after in their fields.

Weirdly for American colleges thier sports graduates are largely forgotten in the bustle until their season comes up. Gotham college teams are always always like a sucker punch to the gut. They’re very good but everyone always somehow forgets about their existence (only metropolis is immune to this strange affect due to the Gotham/metropolis rivalry) the teams rarely make it to the finals only because of hometown related bullshit (the entire team gets dosed with joker venom before a game/the city is Nomans land again and they can’t leave for the game/ivy took over the field again and now there’s endangered flowers covering it and they can’t practice or play.)

Nursing and Pre-Med majors don’t even have to worry about college costs, as they are always given the “Dr. Thomas Wayne scholarship”, even if they never applied for it. And they receive the BEST training in Gotham University (you gotta be able to treat patients with fear toxin in their systems, or were frozen by Mr.Freeze and have hyperthermia for days afterwards, were sprayed with Joker toxin and only have minutes before dying with a hideous grin, unfortunate goons who fought with a vigilante, and basically anything Poison Ivy related.)

However, due to Gotham being well Gotham, hospitals and clinics lose their staff at a alarming rate, causing potential medical students to change their majors out of fear of well, dying in a horrible supervillain related death. So Gotham University accepts anyone and everyone into their medical programs, despite the norm being that it is next to impossible to be accepted into nursing and med programs on the first try.

Also since many supervillains have doctorates, all the certification exams have a question that asks: “I will use my doctorate to heal and protect and not become a supervillain in the near future”. It’s a true or false question.

Also since many supervillains have doctorates, all the certification exams have a question that asks: “I will use my doctorate to heal and protect and not become a supervillain in the near future”. It’s a true or false question. I love the implication that newbie college students will not lie on their certification exams.  

Given that all of the doctoral Rogues still have their doctorates mentioned when addressed by their full names, this means that they were never revoked. Similarly, given the sheer number of doctors that become Rogues, odds are that there are not that many doctors in Gotham that don’t have ties to crime in some way. With that in mind, picture a PhD student in Psychology trying to present their dissertation or thesis and the panel consists of Harley Quinn, Scarecrow, Hugo Strange, Dr. Jeremiah Arkham who might or might not be a villain that day, and the poor fool that they managed to con into working at Gotham University. Surprisingly, they all treat this with the seriousness one would expect from a committee that isn’t mostly comprised of supervillains.

cassie must give real good hugs huh

@poepoe-thebunny. I HAVE A DESIRE TO KNOW THWS WPEOPLE

by @ jaymintaylor on tiktok

video description: A cell phone video pointed at the shadows of two people standing on a lawn.

Cameraperson: “Jaymin. Which way did he go?”

The person on the left adjusts their stance and clothing in such a way that their shadow ceases to resemble a human and perfectly forms an upward-pointing arrow. The cameraperson dissolves into laughter.

Rabbits Rabbits Rabbits

Reblog this on the first of the month for good luck all month long!

I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

First to touch the bin loses

I don't even know why, but this brought me so much joy

earlier my friend said to me “somewhere out there, in an alternate universe, there’s an all female rock band called ‘king’” and I’m STILL recovering from that mental image and how gay it made me feel

they still have a hit titled “fat bottomed girls”

ok this reply really got to me. feeling gay again

#and the frontwoman is still named freddie mercury

Reblog if you want to bonk you followers with the Valid stick(TM)

@heckinsnekboi

@cirishere

@bread-of-death

@i-am-scarybacon

@trenchcoatmimic

@mumblerseeker