That guy who fell asleep during a 24 hour marathon playing majora’s mask will always be fucking hilarious
i refused to stay buried because i love you why are you running
babe it's me i'm just covered in dirt and blood because i had to claw my way up into the light and crawl on my hands and knees back home to you stop screaming
fantasy characters: “Geez”
me: who the fuck spread Christianity there
this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up
W H A T
In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.
Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,
Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.
It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.
French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.
Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.
Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.
And that’s the Pratchett approach
i have eaten so many failed ‘I’ pretzels that i have a tummy ache
NOOOOOO MY PENIS
This quite literally made me choke on my own spit holy shit
Does anybody wanna come over and parallel play? Does anybody wanna sit in the same couch and watch TV? Does anybody wanna go for a little walk in the park? Does anyone wanna sit on my bed while I putz around trying to clean my room? For the love of fucking God doesn't anyone wanna share space with me for a bit
I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr
11 FUCKING THOUSAND NOTES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHERE ARE YOU ALL COME DATE ME
ok
update: we are dating
update: we are married
update: we knocked up
This is the cutest story on the entirety of Tumblr, I swear to god!!!!!
Update: had a baby together
Update: he’s 1 year old today
Update: he’s 2 today
Update: baby number two, electric boogaloo
Update: guess who became a big brother yesterday?
Also, notice the figurative mountain of gravel under the heads, that's left over from the construction.
They ran out of money, left the "monument" half finished, and didn't even bother to clean up after themselves.
Colonialism, mistreatment of indigenous people for the sake of a tourist trap, idolization of politicians, mismanagement and industrial-scale littering.
It truly is a monument to the spirit of the USA...
It truly is a
monument to the spirit
of the USA…
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I have a lot more questions than I expected to.
Pomegranates are the most dramatic fruit ever.
Bitch you are a piece of fruit why does it look like I murdered you. Why do you leave my fingertips red and stained. Why do you run down my hands to my elbows when I tear you apart. Why must I rip your body into bloodied chunks to get what's inside of you. Why do you sound so lovely when I crack you open. Why must I eat you with a knife and my bare hands. Why is there so much of you and why is there never enough.
and that's for farmed pomegranate. no one who doesn't own a pomegranate tree would know this but you forge for pomegranates after they open on the tree
it looks like this. it gets so fucking nasty looking if I didn't know it was a treat I would assume it would bite me.
OH FUCK YEAH, NEW POMEGRANATE LORE
I had no idea they popped open like that that looks so good I can feel my simian ancestors hollering from the afterlife.
Sibling asked how ppl in star wars dance to jizz music and I had to give her an example
its literally not a typo,,,, thats what the genre of the music in the video is called in star wars canon
She’s so hot and men get sooo mad that he didn’t leave her when she gained some weight
fr I don't think certain types of men who posture as straight are even attracted to women "oh no, what if your wife ended up dummy thick too!"
^man clearly having a terrible time
Image ID: a picture of a desert captioned ‘this is not a wasteland’ and a picture of an empty parking lot, captioned ‘this is’. End ID
Spiderman Fans: "I can't believe Baldur's Gate 3 won game of the year, this is bullshit!"
Zelda Fans: "Baldur's Gate isn't my cup of tea but it seems like a lot of love went into the game and I'm glad it won"
Mortal Kombat fans:
The new Mortal Kombat game has a character with a combo that lets you freeze someone in place and then pelvic thrust into them. This isn't even that good a move but everyone is doing it because pantomiming gay sex with your opponent in the middle of a fight is simply too good a griefing opportunity to pass up
It looks like Mickey has something to say