Shangst Week Day 6
Prompt: Miscommunication/Secrets
Because there isn’t enUPHG
His tongue sat twitching in his mouth. An iron flood coated it, and blood streamed down his chin. Lance hadn’t expected so much. As he heaved again, however, he couldn’t help but notice how grave red on gray metal seemed. It dotted the counter, some of it already drying and some sprinkling over his hands.
He would have used his hands to try keep himself from spewing all over, but they were occupied with the task of keeping him on his feet, gripping the counter for dear life. With a spinning head, he wondered for how long he’d be able to keep himself clean and clear of any evidence. He let out a wheezy chuckle.
“In this state…not very long…”
Blue prodded at him. You suffer in vain, Paladin.
“Don’t I know that?” Lance smiled weakly.
I’m sure if you inform him—
“What’s the use, Blue? I’m dying either way.”
Her Paladin’s security of death not only frightened her, but also shattered her sentience. You know not for sure—
“I’m better off not knowing,” Lance shook his head, igniting his pulsing headache. “I’m not going to tell him anything. We might be close in age, but he’s also my superior, Blue. Can’t do that.”
Lance, Blue called him firmly. You believe yourself to be a cadet still? Are you not a Paladin of Voltron?
“I’m not debating anymore, Blue. I’m keeping my mouth shut. Not like I’ll be able to talk with all these flowers popping into my mouth.”
Would they figure him out? He wondered. Or would they find his bloodied corpse, flowers sprouting from his mouth?
Leaving the team hanging was the least of his concerns. He was as replaceable as he’d always been. They’d find a temporary pilot, Blue would move on, simple solutions to a simple problem. It hurt to leave like this, though. When both his older brother and sister had fallen victim to their flowers, he hadn’t understood. He hadn’t understood neither the physical nor emotional pain. He hadn’t understood the despair that clouded them until their last breaths. Well, then again, he couldn’t have, he was so young…
Another blossom spread at the back of his throat and Lance retched. Reaching his long fingers, he pinched a few petals. The roots raked his pipe as he pulled the bloom out. Gagging, Lance let out a pained groan. He hiccupped, tears spilling down his face.
In his hand, the petals of a single, fully grown sweet violet dripped his blood. He smirked at his pale reflection before shaking his head at the flower.
“You’re absolutely pathetic.”
Group training ended, and Lance found himself staring at Shiro. Again.
The man was attractive in every sense of the word. Personality and anatomy, Lance appreciated both. It all started off as admiration, hearing his accomplishments, watching him on TV, going to the same school as he did. Then, it morphed into a silly crush, a stupid little thing Lance expected to disappear as quick as it came. But as Lance kept working and training alongside Takashi Shirogane, a kind, wise leader, a man’s man, he found himself falling deeper and deeper in love, deeper and deeper in a severe infatuation with a man he thought he couldn’t have. With that, the first few petals came out. And Lance knew his fate was sealed.
Small, quiet whistles sounded at the back of his mouth. Everything else tuned out, the soft wheezes being all he heard. His heart raced all the more, bitter dread pulsing through his veins. Trying to clear his throat gently, the congested feeling in his chest became heavier. Swallowing, he inhaled sharply.
A slim object slid up against his trachea and Lance gagged. His body twitched harshly, and he clamped his hands over his mouth, willing his throat to still.
“Lance, don’t go turning into Hunk!” Pidge snorted, doubled over as she panted and a smirk on her sweaty face.
Gritting his teeth, Lance’s lips twisted into what he prayed looked like a smile. He tried winking for extra measure and Pidge rolled her eyes, making him relax. Then, the voice he didn’t need to hear at that moment spoke to him.
“You alright though, Lance?” Shiro breathed heavily, slowly walking to him. “You’re looking a bit pale.”
His body shuddered and the stem in his throat shifted. He shut his eyes tightly. Say something!
Lance let out a shaky sigh through his nose, waving Shiro off. “I’m peachy. Just—out of breath.”
Shiro tilted his head, dubious. At that, Lance shook his head and straightened. Both actions were immediately regretted as they sent a spike of nausea through him. “I’m alright,” he breathed out. “Just need a break.” “Do those—breathing exercises—I taught you!” Hunk panted from his spot on the floor. “They’re working—wonders for me right now—hoo!”
No, bud. What I need right now is to throw up.
The bloom opened right there, just past the beginning of his trachea.
Shiro blinked in shock as Lance’s hands flew to his throat. A disgusting gag left him. He stumbled away, falling on his haunches. Blood began to leak from his mouth and Shiro’s stomach dropped. Lance let out a gurgle that strangely sounded like, “No.”
The other Paladins had bolted over, crowding Lance supportively as the boy coughed and coughed, light purple flowers, stem and all, bursting from his mouth.
“Since when do you have Hanahaki?” Keith demanded.
“Keith,” Shiro tapped a hand on his shoulder and Keith stood back, eyes wide.
Lance’s body convulsed. His eyes shut as he coughed, jumping and shuddering as blood and petals forced their way up from his lungs. He whimpered as he constrained himself to stop, trying his best to breathe deeply through the rising seeds.
As he calmed, he realized he’d been lifted by his leader, the one responsible for his predicament—
—No. This is not his fault. This is your fault. Being stupid enough to fall in love with a man you knew could never love you back, you truly are pathetic.
Shiro was running somewhere. He took a sharp turn and Lance’s world whirled. Eyes shutting tightly again, he pressed his forehead to Shiro’s chest, quaking as another fit threatened to make him spew again.
His ringing ears barely registered his name being called and he let out a grunt of acknowledgement.
“Don’t fight the fits. Cough if you need to.”
Lance kept a hand firm on his mouth. The roots in his lungs felt like they were poking through them, making it difficult for Lance to sustain his breathing.
I need to cough. But I also need you to get away from me. I love you, but you’re honestly not helping.
“Did you hear me, Lance?” Shiro prodded, his steps slowing. “Get whatever you have in there out now. We’re putting you in a pod.”
Lance jolted immediately, his blood running cold. He thrust himself off Shiro’s arms, rolling away from him and smearing the medical wing floor with the blood on his hands.
“No,” Lance rasped, in his eyes a defiance Shiro had never seen before. “No pod.”
“Lance, out of all the decisions you’ve made I strongly go against this one—”
“I’m—not debating!” Lance’s voice came out rougher than he had intended. He frowned, turning away from Shiro’s startled gaze. Another stem lifted itself to his throat. “The pods heal—yes. How do we know they won't—take out my Love, too?”
A wave of sympathy crashed into Shiro. So that’s why.
“Well, I—I don’t know. We can ask Coran.”
“I doubt Alteans know what—Hanahaki is, Shiro.”
“We can ask,” Shiro emphasized.
Just as he turned to dash towards the bridge, Coran and Allura burst through the entrance, the other Paladins at their heels.
“I’m still not quite understanding of it,” Allura called as they came in. “You say flowers develop in your lungs because of love?”
“Because of unrequited love,” Keith corrected. “Whoever has the flowers believes that their love is not returned, so the flowers grow.”
“But they don’t know for sure! Why—”
“We don’t know why it happens like that, Princess.” Pidge provided absentmindedly. She typed away on her laptop, glancing between its screen and something in her hand. “It was an evolutionary thing. But we don’t know why. It could have been to try and gain the attention of our interest, or maybe it’s just a parasitic thing, because of the simple thought of not being loved in return. We don’t know.”
“Just the mere thought,” Coran breathed, quickly inspecting a pod and heading over to the large control panel. “Incredible. Well—of course, not incredible, more like terrifying.”
He turned to Lance who met his gaze with tired, indifferent eyes. “Lance, lets get you suited up. The pod will get those flowers out of you.”
Lance’s eyes narrowed and he tensed. He eyed Shiro, whose pitiful stare made his chest tighten.
Allura approached him. “Lance, this is not up for debate—”
“Good, because—I’m not moving.” Lance shrunk into himself, darkness coloring the edge of his vision.
“Lance, buddy—” Hunk called as he settled in behind Pidge, gaze turned away from Lance’s carnage. Lance was already shaking his head at Hunk’s voice.
“Find a new pilot, Hunk. I—ain’t moving.”
“Lance,” Keith hissed. “Do you have death wish?”
Shiro’s sigh rang out and he knelt before Lance. “Don’t you realize how valuable you are to us? Voltron can’t lose you, Lance. We can’t lose you.”
Lance looked away from him, fuming like a child. “Well, I guess you're—going to because I—am not—moving.”
A small annoyance turned into shock. The Black Paladin blinked at Lance. “You’d prefer to die over your Love? Leave Voltron?”
“Don’t try guilt-tripping me,” Lance spat, a dark blame in his eyes that made Shiro flinch. “I’m replaceable as can be. Find someone that—can fill in for me. There's—plenty of choice.”
“Lance,” Shiro frowned, shaking his head. “You are invaluable, and so is everyone else on this team. What makes you think you’re replaceable? You think you can just—up and go and expect Blue to automatically pick someone to take over?”
Lance shrugged. “Allura—can pilot Blue. They’re connected—because of their life force, right? You’ll still be able—to form Voltron.”
“Not if Blue doesn’t recognize me as her Paladin, Lance.” Allura said, her face pinched with concern. “I can definitely pilot the Blue Lion. Temporarily. But temporary pilots can only form Voltron with the official Paladins so many times. If you remember correctly, bonds between Lion and Paladin cannot be forced. They can neither be forcefully broken. If you pass, there’s no guarantee Blue will move on from you immediately. In fact, it may even take years for her to finally choose a new Paladin and forming Voltron will become a challenge.”
Lance stared at the floor, feeling the link with his Lion in his mind. A quiet sadness came from its end and Lance felt guilt bubble in his stomach.
I’m selfish, aren’t I, Beautiful?
Hunk read the screen over her head. “She already got some things on it. It’s a sweet violet, but there’s just a lot of stuff on really old superstitions. Violets in general refer to people who are modest, kind—uh, the roots were used for soups, it’s the birth flower of those born in Jan—no, February—along with the Primrose—”
Lance did not expect for Shiro’s eyes to widen and penetrate his blue ones, dark grey searching with the intent to find. For some reason, the stare made Lance’s eyes water. He ducked his head, wheezing and sniffling. The stems were blooming and his vision darkened.
What? Lance barely registered Shiro’s voice again.
Shiro yelled as he caught Lance slumping forward. He was panicking. Lance’s time was running out and they were racing against his clock. He had to convince him to live, to say who it was, or remove his Love. The latter option was the most drastic, and Shiro was opposed to it as much as Lance was. But what else could they do? They only had so much time before the boy’s flowers tore through his lungs and poked through his chest. His own heart twisted as it pondered the prospect of his death.
Truth be told, Shiro had been one step away from falling in love with his friend, one step away from getting Hanahaki himself. He didn’t know why. He always went to bed listing the things he found endearing about Lance, almost everything about him ran through his mind as if he had a schoolgirl crush.
His skin’s pretty. He has pretty eyes. Pretty smile. Hard-worker. Awesome shot. Loyal. Flexible. Kind. A stupid, but funny flirt…out of all guys, why this one?
In all honesty, Shiro never really cared why. He simply cared for him.
Shiro didn’t care about that either.
He focused on Lance, jolting the other Paladin. “Who is it? Are they close by? Who is it, Lance?”
Of course, Shiro wasn’t stupid. He’d heard Hunk.
But it was also just one detail. What were the chances? What were the chances of Lance loving him? But also, what were the chances of him loving someone that just coincidentally had the same birth month as him? As far as he knew, he was the only one on the team—out in space, no less—whose birthday was in February. Regardless, he didn’t want to get his hopes up. If it wasn’t him, Shiro wouldn’t be too far behind Lance in terms of death.
Think about it, Shiro told himself again. What are the chances of Lance falling in love with some faraway stranger while being on the team this long? It couldn’t have been someone like that. It couldn’t. That wouldn’t be smart of him. It would be reckless; falling in love with someone you can’t even be close to in terms of physical location. It has to be someone close by.
It has to be you. The month’s too big of a clue, lets not overanalyze.
Lance quivered in his arms, trembling as he tried holding his head up. Tears were mixing with the blood coming from his mouth and he spat, the taste of salt and iron making his eyes water all the more. Breathlessly, he tilted his head to look into Shiro’s eyes, those dark grey eyes that made his pathetic self flush like some dumb, high school freshman.
He shook his head, sagging tenaciously in Shiro’s arms. The Black Paladin was losing his patience.
“Lance! Do you want to die? Stop being stubborn! Tell us!”
He wasn’t going to open his mouth. Not with the clog of violets just at the back of his mouth. He closed his eyes, widening his throat, attempting a deep breath. The blooms were sucked back and Lance hacked.
“Lance, tell us!” Keith yelled. “Don’t make us stuff you in that pod!”
As a gush of blood and flowers fell from his mouth, Lance turned to Keith.
“Oh, we would.” Pidge said.
“If anything, we’re about to. We’re not about to lose our sharpshooter.“ Hunk began inching towards the pod suits. Lance seethed, tears falling from his eyes.
Blue was calling him. You have a chance.
He felt her shaking her massive head. Is your human love not about taking chances? Why do you think he does not reciprocate?
Because he’s my leader, Blue! Do you know for sure if he loves me back? Do you?
There was silence from her end and Lance let out a sob.
Shiro gripped him a bit tighter, just about ready to throw him into a pod. “Lance, I’m going to ask one final time—”
In a burst of spite at everything, Lance clutched Shiro’s shoulder and hauled himself up straight. He pecked Shiro’s cheek, leaving a bloody imprint.
“You’re taking them out anyway, so—whatever. It’s you.” He leaned back, tuning out their voices. He didn’t want to hear the rejection, he didn’t want to see it. If anything, he was already feeling it.
Shiro flooded with relief and let out a tight breath. Lance’s gaze was turned downward, eyes leaking, lips pursed in despondency. He smiled tiredly, cupping Lance’s cheek with one hand, wiping at his tears with a thumb.
“You took a ridiculously long time to say it,” he said, flicking his forehead. Sliding a hand behind his back, Shiro drew him in, pecking just next to his mouth. “I love you, Lance.”
A rush of sharp, cold air seemed to fill Lance’s chest and he let out a pained grunt.
There was a sense of achievement from his Lion, and something that Lance thought felt like a smirk.
Before he could confirm, however, he pushed away from Shiro. Another flood of petals and vital fluid surged into his mouth.
Shiro’s heart beat fast, worry racing in his mind. Shouldn’t have his confession fixed him?
“Give him a moment, Shiro!” Pidge called. “His Love needs to settle itself back down. It has to get rid of the leftover blooms in his lungs. Then, we can put him in pod without the seeds being exposed for removal.”
Shiro nodded at her, his arm under Lance as he heaved. His stomach churned as Lance stuffed his fingers into his mouth and pulled out violets after violets. Soon, enough flowers for a decent-sized bouquet rested in a large puddle of bright blood.
They moved away from the mess he had made, letting Coran call some sanitary drones. As Lance finally calmed, he closed his eyes again, inhaling slowly. Joy and guilt were romping in his mind. He should be happy, but guilt chewed on his mind.
Was this fair? Neither his brother or his sister got their Loves returned and now, here he sat. A survivor of his flowers, his Love sitting right in front of him. It didn’t seem fair to him. But he had to be grateful, didn’t he?
He felt a hand under his chin and opened his eyes to find Shiro wiping at it, an affectionate smile on his face as he cleaned him up. Lance fought more tears as he threatened to sob. He jumped at Shiro, wrapping his arms around him. He felt ridiculous. Lips pressed themselves against his head and Lance let out a quiet sigh.
You’ve suffered in vain, Paladin. Blue seemed to giggle at him. He felt a warm purr through their bond and he smiled.
