@distractionanddestruction / distractionanddestruction.tumblr.com
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Tucker, what is that I’m seeing in the bottom left corner of your HUD? Or rather, what I’m not seeing?
You didn’t set your fucking tracker you little shit
WHAT DO THEY HAVE AGAINST THEIR MOTION TRACKERS?
#NORTH RAGING FROM THE GRAVE
Bonus points if the apocalypse is specified (as other than a zombie apocalypse)
York’s eyes roll back a little when Cal squeezes his shoulders, “I swear, Cal, sweetheart, you’ve got magic hands. Just, keep going until I pass out or all the moaning and sighing gets too awkward for you,” he lets his head drop to the bed with a content sigh, resting his cheek on his folded hands.
“Nope, nothing you do could be awkward.” Cal hums and keeps working. “My lines however, can be very awkward it seems. That sounded so cheesy.” Okay maybe not too cheesy but still. Not up to his usual standard.
York pulls an exaggerated contemplative face, stroking his chin thoughtfully, “Hm, if that’s the case then I think I may have to relent. Your back will not be troubled by my cold feet at three am. However, one thirty and four are still possibilities.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I’ll keep that in mind. After all, last thing I want to do is get one of those wake up calls. However any other reason you might have to wake me up is perfectly fine.” Cal no.
Firehose vs Flamethrower
This is everything I didn’t know I needed to see today
#katara vs azula (via @xactodreams)
brittsmemes:
BONUS QUESTION.
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
’ What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula? ’ ’ I despise guessing games. ’ ’ Oh, goody. ’ ’ Yes. Well, forgive me for not leaping for joy. ’ ’ When I’m King, what’ll that make you? ’ ’ You’re so weird. ’ ’ You have no idea. ’ ’ Sing something with a little bounce in it. ’ ’ I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. ’ ’ Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head… ’ ’ Hakuna Matata. It’s our motto. ’ ’ What’s a motto? ’ ’ Nothing. What’s a motto with you? ’ ’ Did I miss something? ’ ’ Let me out! Let me out! ’ ’ Please don’t eat me. ’ ’ Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper. ’ ’ I can’t go back. What would it prove, anyway? ’ ’ You can’t change the past. ’ ’ You said you’d always be there for me! But you’re not. ’ ’ It’s because of me. It’s my fault. ’ ’ Ahh, so you haven’t told them your little secret. ’ ’ It’s not true. Tell me it’s not true. ’ ’ No! It was an accident! ’ ’ It’s your fault he’s/she’s dead. Do you deny it? ’ ’ Then you’re guilty. ’ ’ No, I’m not a murderer! ’ ’ Friends? I thought he/she said we were the enemy. ’ ’ Don’t ever do that again! Carnivores, ugh! ’ ’ We’re pals, right? ’ ’ I don’t wonder; I know. ’ ’ The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars. ’ ’ I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away. ’ ’ Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing. ’ ’ Everything the light touches is our kingdom. ’ ’ A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. ’ ’ What’s happened to you? ’ ’ You’re right, I’m not. Now are you satisfied? ’ ’ You know you’re starting to sound like my father. ’ ’ The sooner we get to the waterhole, the sooner we can leave. ’ ’ So where are we really going? ’ ’ Right. So how are we going to ditch the dodo? ’ ’ It’s a tradition going back generations. ’ ’ Well, when I’m king, that’ll be the first thing to go. ’ ’ Well, in that case, you’re fired. ’ ’ Nice try, but only the king can do that. ’ ’ Your Majesty. I gravel at your feet. ’ ’ Why do I always have to save your… Ahhh! ’ ’ I know what I have to do. ’ ’ Temper, temper. ’ ’ I’ve been running from it for so long. ’ ’ Ow! Jeez, what was that for? ’ ’ It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. ’ ’ Oh yes, the past can hurt. ’ ’ But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it. ’ ’ You see? So what are you going to do? ’ ’ First, I’m gonna take your stick. ’ ’ Good! Go on! Get out of here! ’ ’ So you’d better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony this morning. ’ ’ Perhaps you shouldn’t turn your back on me. ’ ’ I wouldn’t dream of challenging you. ’ ’ Is that a challenge? ’ ’ I’m afraid I’m at the shallow end of the gene pool. ’ ’ There’s one in every family sire. Two in mine, actually. ’ ’ Pinned you again. ’ ’ What’s going on? ’ ’ Oh, dear, I’ve said too much! ’ ’ Well, I’m brave. What’s out there? ’ ’ All the more reason for me to be protective. ’ ’ Well, I suppose you’d have found out sooner or later. ’ ’ Just promise me you’ll never visit that dreadful place! ’ ’ You run along now and have fun. ’ ’ I wonder if its brains are still in there? ’ ’ Danger? Hah! I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha! ’ ’ Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom? ’ ’ Puh. You can’t do anything to me. ’ ’ Oh, my, my, my. Look at the sun. It’s time to go! ’ ’ Hey! Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size? ’ ’ I’m very disappointed in you. ’ ’ You could have been killed! ’ ’ You deliberately disobeyed me! ’ ’ I was just trying to be brave like you. ’ ’ I’m only brave when I have to be. ’ ’ Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble. ’ ’ Whoah. I guess even kings get scared, huh? ’ ’ But you’re not scared of anything. ’ ’ We were afraid it was somebody important. ’ ’ Tell me about it. I just hear that name and I shudder. ’ ’ Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared… for what? ’ ’ Long live the king! Long live the king! ’ ’ If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it? ’ ’ If you tell me, I’ll still act surprised. ’ ’ You are such a naughty boy/girl! ’ ’ You hear that? If you ever come back, we’ll kill ya! ’ ’ So it is with a heavy heart that I assume the throne. ’ ’ That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. ’ ’ You know, having a lion around might not be such a bad idea. ’ ’ Ah, you’re an outcast! That’s great. So are we. ’ ’ I’m telling you, kid: this is the great life. No rules, no responsibilities… ’ ’ You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us? ’ ’ Come on, I just heard about this great place. ’ ’ I’m surrounded by idiots. ’ ’ I’m kinda in the middle of a bath. ’ ’ So where are we going? It better not be anyplace dumb. ’ ’ I’ll show you when we get there. ’ ’ The waterhole? What’s so great about the waterhole? ’ ’ You’re the king? And you never told us? ’ ’ You don’t even know what I’ve been through! ’ ’ I finally got some sense knocked into me. ’ ’ Please have mercy, I beg you. ’ ’ You don’t deserve to live. ’ ’ Why should I believe you? Everything you ever told me was a lie. ’ ’ This looks like a good spot to rustle up some grub. ’ ’ I’ll make it up to you, I promise. ’ ’ You got to put your past behind you. ’ ’ When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world. ’ ’ Bad things happen, and you can’t do anything about it. ’ ’ There’s more to being a king than getting your way all the time. ’ ’ I’m so hungry I could eat a whole zebra. ’ ’ Listen kid: if you live with us, you’re gonna have to eat like us. ’ ’ Come on, will you cut it out? ’ ’ I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure. ’ ’ What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? ’ ’ I’m not the one who’s confused. ’ ’ You don’t even know who you are! ’ ’ This is just the way your father looked before he died. ’ ’ So what’s the plan for getting past those guys? ’ ’ No wonder we’re dangling at the bottom of the food chain! ’ ’ Where is your hunting party? They’re not doing their job. ’ ’ Then you have sentenced us to death! ’ ’ Well, it sure is a surprise to see you… ’ ’ Hakuna Matata. It means “no worries”. ’ ’ These are rare delicacies. ’ ’ You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. ’ ’ You are more than what you have become. ’ ’ How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be. ’ ’ Will you stop following me? Who are you? ’ ’ What’s going on here? Who’s the monkey? ’
For a show with so many possible ways to insert an OC (as a new recruit, a lesser-known freelancer Agent, part of an entirely different crew of reds and blues) there are basically 0 and I am so confused. Where are the OCs? I mean come on guys it’d be cool to see like a red/blue team based off your friends, a freelancer squad composed of whatever personalities you like, a new AI perhaps! I’d love to see it!
most of us just do it in our heads and never tell anyone
((is it socially acceptable to post this yet))
YES IT ABSOLUTELY IS.
