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@heal-up / heal-up.tumblr.com

I Love Ana Amari
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hijerking
friend: i'm so excited to finally finish high school
me: ...
me: oh no
me: when did i get this old
me: i am practically your grandma
me: i must settle into my armchair in a bungalow with boiled sweets and dusty portraits of times gone by
friend: you're 22
me: don't speak to your grandma that way
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stevengrcnt
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gghero

Pokedex entries be like

Elemental and common types: this pokemon has this diet, this habitat, this interesting behavior, etc.

Psychic and ghost types: this pokemon has an IQ of 7000 and has killed god

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mr-tino
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the-radical-buzzard-of-discourse

I used to cringe so hard at my “I’m not like other girls” phase until I realized that most girls have this phase and what we actually mean is, “I’m not a thoughtless one-dimensional caricature of makeup and boobs, which is all I’ve been taught to believe girls are.” How can women be viewed so poorly that little girls everywhere all think they’re unique just for having independent thoughts and interests?

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randomslasher

oh shit

how is it put so perfectly just into words like that, like, just

how

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peachfairys
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powerfulwizard

man some dudes really act like going through one break up is a traumatic enough event to mistreat everyone in their lives for years… get over it fucker!!

some girls get mistreated their entire lives and are still the sweetest people on earth and then some dudes get dumped once in high school and are 25 now and are like yeah…. ive been through some shit…. 

alternatively some dudes are like, yeah i’m traumatized… i took a girl out and paid for a kinda nice dinner, and she DIDN’T fuck me. I just can’t trust women anymore. They’re just after my money.

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sirgawin

honestly, i hate math and i will not do it. if someone asks me to do math i will pretend like i did not hear them and i will leave. 

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hitomeyaska
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venterry

me, starting a new game: i’m gonna be evil this time

me, 5 minutes into said game: Being Mean Is Not Nice

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feynites

me, after failing to be evil: i’m gonna look up the youtube videos of that playthrough instead

me, looking at the videos: i can’t watch this

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kirbynaps
“I am the hunter the Gods have sent.”

bloodhound • technological tracker

Source: kirbynaps
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wizardofthewilds

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

  1. kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
  2. text your landlord
  3. remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
  4. briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
  5. remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 
  6. look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
  7. remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
  8. enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
  9. order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
  10. exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
  11. return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
  12. back up
  13. ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
  14. release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
  15. you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
  16. the door swings open
  17. run up the stairs
  18. open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
  19. cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
  20. write tumblr post
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peanutdream
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musterniillustrates

having love in your heart will literally save you from the otherwise cataclysmic experience of being a human being

i know what i said u pessimistic bastards and i stand by it!!!!

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reblogged
peanutdream

cats: *big sleep*

cats: *wake up, lil bath, lil food*

cats: oh man … i’m so sleepy *big sleep part 5*

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peanutdream

it is so funny how life is just whatever. it’s hilarious. life is so regimented all the way through high school and then after that you just do literally whatever it’s all just whatever. you’re like “should i do this?” and everyone you know is like “just do whatever” absolutely incredible. that can’t be real

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