m o o n c h i l d

just a girl’s night routine

this is me

just thinking of how our meaning or purpose in life is merely to experience. eating an orange segment, hoping for snow, being in love, returning over and over to one painting, stepping outside for the full moon, submersion in water, having a favourite colour, knowing beauty, feeling alone, feeling connected, feeling longing… it is enough. 

That overwhelmingly safe feeling when you’re sitting in the back seat of the car at night while your parents drive. Maybe you’re on your way home, maybe you’ve just finished up a long day on the road during a family vacation and you drift in and out of sleep while the yellow street lights ebb in and out over your head. I wish that feeling lasted forever.

i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy. i pass out around three.

how am i supposed to “major” in something and continue building my life around it when my interests completely change every 2 years and i am struck at unforseeable intervals by an inescapable need to make a fresh start

sometimes the sound of the earth is so loud!!!!!!!!! sometimes i sit on the grass and feel like crying!!!!!! i feel like the grass is so close to me we are almost the same!!!!!! and then the wind blows over me and i could just live in this forever!!!!!!!!!

growing up reading fantasy books was such a bust cause your whole life you’re left wanting more from life and like there’s something missing and you’re just waiting for that missing part to begin but it’s never gonna come

makes a connection between disparate academic concepts: I am shakign very fast I am so intelligent and can see god

it’s time to abandon the responsibilities of school and jobs and move into a Scottish castle to live as hermit witches.

I don’t know how to explain it but my favorite very specific trope is ‘group of ragtag protagonists that have just been through surreal hell sit silently in a small town diner covered in dirt after an Experience and their waitress is just kind of staring at them while pouring them coffee but it doesn’t matter bc after that shit they went through before finding this place they are determined to eat 3 plates of fries and a burger’

oh to be a rich person in the 1920s traveling by luxury steam train across europe

and then a murder happens during the journey that me and my fellow passengers are all suspects in

People honestly didn’t go “mad” from seeing cosmic horror things in Lovecraft very often. That’s a modern thing, and honestly feels like modified “gorgon”

Usually its stress, paranoia or ptsd from near death experience.

The true terror was not really in seeing something horrifying and alien, but understanding the implications, or not being able to fit it into an existing mental framework.

Playing this up could actually create an interesting setup in a narrative, come to think of it. Someone seems fine after dealing with cosmic horrors, so everyone assumes they were fine. Cue some days later, when everything’s settled and they’re able to process what happened, they find that they begin to have a breakdown as it all begins to fall together.

As a simple thought experiment, imagine what encountering something completely recognizable but otherwise impossible would do.

Lets say you walked into the next room, and standing on a piece of furniture was a little man, literally 18 inches tall, at most, in green clothing, clambering and climbing about. I don’t mean like what you’d imagine from a special effect or a cartoon, but a real tiny thing that looked, moved, and acted like an impossibly miniature humanlike creature, the hair wouldn’t be shrunk by proportion, there’d be fewer folicles overall, but more densely packed. You can see the faint veins under the skin, the hairs, the pores, you can smell it, it leaves scuffs, it makes sounds appropriate for its size… and when it sees you, it just looks at you, tilts its head, smiles mischieviously, and darts under the couch, vanishing. The only thing you find is a gold coin, which is real, solid, and rare, having not seen circulation in centuries.

You’ve had, in this scenario, an encounter with a leprechaun. It’s a relatively understandable phenomenon. There’s plenty of tolklore to prepare you for it, the creature is rationally built, has antatomy that makes sense, is similar to yourself enough to be very familiar. It wasn’t even hostile. 

Is your life ever going to be the same? 

In addition to questioning whether you actually saw what you saw, you now have to wonder why you were visited. Wil it come back? If it does can it hurt you? If it can, can you stop it? Where did it come from? Has it always just been there, out of sight? Is it here right now?

And those are just surface level questions. Now, fundamentally, the rules of reality have to be reassessed. If such a thing can exist, what does that say about our understanding of biology and evolution? Moreover, there are suddenly theological implications here, none of which are likely to be cleanly or comfortingly answered in their entirety. 

You’ve just witnessed sone of the single most important encounters in human history, and anyone who hears you talk about it is going to think you’ve lost your mind. The terror and sense of lonliness from that is going to be soul crushing.

Now, replace the leprechaun with something that looks like a deep dream animation brought to life and appears to be both impossible to adequately destroy and possessed of absolute malevolence. Getting attacked by a normal everyday animal can be traumatizing, surviving an encounter with a bloodsucking octopus tree that screams in an alien language from mutiple slathering maws is certrainly beyond the ken of 1930s psychiatric medicine. 

I feel like this post changed me in a way I’m not ready to confront

obsessed with those stone stairs and archways in the middle of the woods that remain standing after the rest of the building has fallen to ruin

portals

Don’t walk up the stairs

if i want to get abducted by the fae that’s MY choice and you can’t stop me

I’m. because I think I have gotten so lazy over this period but I don’t my school gonna open up soon

I haven’t yet hehe

work full, noisy, changes :)

I think I learn to accept things, abt myself abt my surroundings. many things doesn’t turn out the way you want even if you like it or not you just gotta accept it

my s/o wrote me poem and it’s really touchy :))

(shoutout to @illumeenating for all the love she have given me I will surely remember this summer w your cute faceu 💜)

p.s : Huge thanks to our beloved Sophie to keep making challenges for us and keeping us active, let’s just simply say THANK YOU SOPH FOR EXISTING!!💕💕💕

ahahaha thanks to you, too, for being absolutely lovely! ily 💜 also the clouds there look so beautiful ???

my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face light up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.

If i ever spell something wrong I did it for comedic purposes. I know everything don't forget that