talesofalamia reblogged
Art by hartdirector
Source: instagram.com
Ramblings on the Evolution of My Psychological Sadism
We were winding down. I hadn’t planned to do more and then he admitted to wanting to kiss me but knowing he didn’t “deserve it yet”. I felt the energy flood back into me, the fire and fury ignite in the need to teach a lesson.
I grabbed his face to force him to look in my eyes and asked “Who are you to presume to tell me what I think? What I do or don’t do is about what I want.” I went on and reinforced my meaning.
However, this is not a scene write up. This is a reflection on how my radical politics have changed my kink. There was a time where his comment of being undeserving would have led to a chuck or possibly even agreement. But that’s not me anymore and it hasn’t been for a long time.
I still love humiliation, degradation, and psychological torment, however I have no desire in feeding into unconscious self-hatred and internalized capitalism/colonialism/oppression.
You see, my belief is that all people are innately, immutably worthy of love, community, and generally a good fulfilled leisurely life. This doesn’t mean that they are owed sex or relationship if they do not respect the consent, boundaries and worth of others. What it does mean is that worth and many forms of “deserving” our society uses against it don’t apply to my considerations. Unless I am doing sex work, I have no urge to commodify my affection if that is not explicitly the scene and commentary. I am not a kiss you can win from coming in first at the joust. Kindness and service are beautiful and appreciated, but they are, for me, currency with which you can purchase a kiss or sexual favors. I have to want that physicality or anything really. In my kink there has to be explicit conversation about entitlement to bodies for that to be part of a dynamic. When I am the dom, there is no entitlement to my body, mind, or spirit. I want to wield the power not of a store clerk, but of a deity who you continue obey, pray to, visit, tithe to, and honor even if there is nothing concretely returned to you.
Too often there is a self-hatred that is tapped into when the instinct is to declare undeserving or lack of worthiness. It has become uninteresting for me to pursue at face value. If you believe that you can earn my affection with cheap foot sucking or boot licking you insult me. If you think I will take your self-hate as a compliment or ego boost, That’s not my brand of cruelty where play is concerned. It’s not that simple.
I want my play partners to know that they deserve good things as a baseline. I want them to feel worthy of the world and more. And then I want them to lay at my feet anyway. I want them to be in pain and let me do as I please not because they are bad and worthless, but because we care for eachother and mutually want to challenge/co-create/break something. If I am to call someone worthless I need to have to work to build that temporary reality. Key word is temporary because I don’t play with people I believe are terrible.
I honor and value the earth, the dirt beneath my feet is sacred even if I am momentarily disgusted by what it has done to my new shoes. We play with objectification, but it is only interesting to me if you know that you as dirt are no less important to us both.
I said to him “Your self-hate taints my fun”. And it is true. I don’t seek to burn ashes. I want to raze corrupt cities, Do controlled burns in beautiful lush landscapes with deep roots that will survive.
If that is not what we are working with,then I want to revive that barren land in the most beautiful painful resurrections possible. If you already hate yourself I want to be that painful poltergeist that stands behind you reminding and forcing you to fight those nasty nothings society has whispered in your ear for years. I want to be the mirror that forces you to stand and face the painful newness of generative conflict in favor of your own healing and worth. Destruction doesn't have to be all bad. After all we can’t build better if we haven’t made space.
Years ago a friend cross-stitched me a decorative pillow that says “Turing Positivity into Pain”. It is even more fitting now than it was then.
(This is simplified and initial thoughts that I am willing to share, so yes, it is more complicated and this is incomplete)
Ok so there is clearly too much hypno and mess for me to use this as my official page so I'll probably keep using this for spice, mess and the occasional titty.
The business/main page will be made separate in December and will exclude the titties. 😘
It’s been a while
With Twitter imploding and Tumblr seeming to figure out it’s shit, I might revive this account. How are folks on this side of the internet these days?
Misogynoir and Internalized Anti-blackness and MindQuake
This is MY post this is NOT from Beguiled and I am speaking as my own Black Queer AFAB self and NOT as a representative because I am fucking done as a person. This will not be nice and might be barely coherent.
This was posted by the MindQuake board and comments disallowed. MQ is
Additionally,
The very idea that a POC intentionally looked to exclude another POC from a "POC inclusivity" event (even one you disagree with) was disturbing. Many other measures were available that were more acceptable. Ex. Yoshi could have discussed the issue directly with Mr. Taqtiks. W could have discussed the issue prior to Charmed to attempt to resolve it. An additional member of Charmed could have been present to address Yoshi's concerns.
Discussing this topic with other members of the POC kink community including members of the MQ team, many found the very idea of this kind of exclusion as appalling and displaying in itself a lack of cultural awareness.
THIS Bullshit and racist as all fuck. When a Black Queer Trans person is harassed and threatened by a Black Cisman the person who was harassed has NO obligation to subject themselves to that in order to be "more acceptable". Tha is some respectability politics victim blaming shit. Black, Indigenous, and Other People of Color are not monoliths. I have no doubt that people without context and even some with context disagreed with the way that a Black Queer Trans person protected themself. You will also find plenty of Black and other People of Color who know that NOT ALL SKINFOLK ARE KINFOLK.
I don't have to include a person who has done harm at my event just because I am them share a skin color. That assertion on it's own is some SUPER racist shit.
HOWEVER that does NOT make it ok for a PW event to use the very complex issues of intragroup internalized oppression, colorism and such as a smoke screen for their organization's desire to keep documented problematic people on their leadership.
This is some morally bankrupt bullshit. This is Victim Shaming. This is Anti-Black, Transphobic, Misogynoir Fuckery.
I am furious. MindQuake is racist as fuck and using other BIPOC as a smoke screen to abide the OTHER toxicity at that event.
Oh and also Using POC when you mean Black is fucking erasure. Black people can be shitty too. I'm Black and I don't support Bill Cosby's Rapist ass.
What is REALLY a lack of Awareness is using racism to try and shame/blame a Black Trans person because you don't like that they spoke out against a person who crossed boundaries with them and happens to be a Black CisMan.
Everyone involved with MindQuake and this statement can go get fucked with a rusty fork. Just the total worst.
Consent Thought Experiment
(x-posted from fet) I have an experiment for you. If you so choose, try the following and then you can, if you want, share your experience.
- Pause. Take a deep breath with a pause in the middle. Exhale slowly.
- Check in with your body at this moment before you read anymore.
Notice what happens as you consider the following:
Consent is a method of showing/expressing care for others and yourself. "Negotiation" is better described as a collaborative exercise in caretaking and creation.
3. What is coming up for you? If this a new conceptualization of consent for you? What flaws and issues do you find? What do you like or dislike? etc
~~~~~~~~~
For me obtaining consent is not about getting to what I want because it is the essence of what I want. I want the people I play with to have fun. I want for them what they want for themselves and I could not possibly know what that is without knowing them through asking.
I know what I want for me and if I don't, I want the opportunity to a) figure it out and communicate it or b) own my not know and determine if I want to find out with the partner(s) I am collaborating with or if I want to leave that area of uncertainty alone for the time being.
Consent and Collaborating are not the barriers before the ride, they writer the manual for how to build and operate a ride that we will all enjoy. That ride might be a gentle lover's tunnel, or it might be a terrifying coaster with darkness and caverns that only one of us knows exactly what is inside.
~~~~~~
Final question, how would people feel about a class built around how to implement this conceptualization of consent and negotiation?
My process over the years has heavily been informed by my research, activist, and clinical therapy backgrounds so that is what I would be pulling on for a class.
"Transparency" after the fact without accountability is meaningless. Especially if the leader/org in question has a years long history of backing known abusers. I get so sick of the Hypno community. When a leader does something they would ban someone for, they need to gtfo.
talesofalamia reblogged
talesofalamia reblogged
ajak deng by jamie nelson for vogue portugal april ‘19
Holy shit. Haven't been on here in ages and now it's all different. I can't find things. Eek. I feel like a boomer
talesofalamia reblogged
Beguiled 2020 Master Post
We have our tickets, presenter, volunteer and scholarship application all live NOW. Here is your central post for your all your getting involved with Beguiled needs!
Feel free to share any and all of this delicious delicious info!.
Beguiled is the Midwest’s Hypno Kink Convention! Beguiled is on the last weekend of June. For 2020 the dates are June 26th - June 28th with Welcome Speakeasy the night of June 25th! We are located in a suburb just north of Chicago IL. This is an 18+ event.
There are tons of ways to get involved and registered NOW.
For Tickets
To buy tickets just click here: beguiled.ticketleap.com/hindsight/ The link for the hotel will be given after registration. We are booked with our hotel through the 2022 convention year so we also have a 3 year pass available!
Beguiled Community
Want to start getting to know people in the Beguiled community? Join our discord! https://discord.gg/yAGpAWh Join the Fetlife RSVP list https://fetlife.com/events/856029 Fetlife Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/178390 Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/beguiledcon Twitter: https://twitter.com/beguiledcon
Volunteers
If you want to volunteer, our applications are open! Here is the 2020 volunteer tier structure: 1-4 (Entry into Volunteer Thank You raffle, thank you card) 5-10 (Badge Compensation) 16+ (Badge and Room Friday, Saturday, Sunday)
You can find the application here: https://forms.gle/2YvZKx6mXkCbW8wc7
Presenters
If you want to Present/Teach Classes you will want to fill out ONE presenter form AND a class form for EACH class you are proposing. Teaching 2+ classes or 1+ 2hrs of volunteering will earn you a comped badge and 1 class is a ½ price badge. Presenter Application is here: https://forms.gle/sGDbfQ34mUV26W1E7 Class Submission Form is here: https://forms.gle/nvmU9eCK41CpnShZ6
Scholarships
Beguiled also has a limited number of scholarships, which at this time are badge and bedspace in a shared room. Scholarships are for people of under-represented identities who have a financial reason they wouldn’t be able to otherwise attend the conference. Beguiled hopes to help increase access to the hypnokink community because conventions should not be only for those of normative privileged identities. Scholarship Application is here: https://forms.gle/G9En21w5A5BSfvPi6
Come on folks! Join me at Beguiled. This is the ONLY Hypnokink Con that is Chaired by a Black Queer person! Support us!
talesofalamia reblogged
How you gonna loan something that doesn’t belong to you in the first place? Peak caucasity
A lot of people who are reblogging and commenting on this don’t understand what’s happening here. The term “loan” in museum parlance doesn’t mean what you think it does. As someone who’s worked in museums on repatriation (giving stuff back) projects, let me demonstrate why this isn’t audacious caucasity, but is actually going to be highly beneficial for the Nigerian museum in the long run and will probably lead to more looted objects given back to their African countries of origin.
This is going to be a long post, but it’s important because this is the kind of thing that really needs public support. It’s not “oh, let’s compromise! we’ll share! ;).” It’s the first step in a multi-step process that is going to likely end in total repatriation for most (if not all- Britain, as per usual when it comes to artifacts, is being a shit) of the looted bronzes.
So. Why short-term loans and not just giving stuff back? Well, the first thing you need to realize is that this going to set a multinational legal precedent. This can’t be a quick process because that leaves more room for error in favor of the European institutions- which we know can happen because that is what happened with some of the repatriation laws in the US. When NAGPRA, the Native American Grave Protection and Repatriation Act, was passed in 1990, museums were given five years to inventory their collections and identify which of the federally recognized tribes objects originated from. As a result of this short timeline, massive quantities of Native American artifacts were labeled as being culturally unidentifiable and as such technically immune to repatriation. That means a lot of Native American artifacts and even remains, despite being federally required to go back, have been loopholed into staying in museums. It essentially created a legal way for museums to ignore the law, and some museums have really abused the hell out of this loophole. This needs to not happen with the European repatriation practices. If repatriation is going to happen in the best way, you have to take careful steps.
The loan agreements are best summed up by this quote from the Benin Dialogue Group: “This event occurs within a wider context and does not imply that Nigerian partners have waived claims for the eventual return of works of art removed from the Royal Court of Benin, nor have the European museums excluded the possibility of such returns.”
People are missing this, I think, because they don’t understand what repatriation actually is and how it works. There’s a lot of moving parts! Museum repatriation isn’t just “hey we took these, now here you go.” Repatriation takes into account fragility of the artifacts- if we ship them back now, will we be handing their actual owners a pile of dust?- as well as who actually has the best claim to them. That doesn’t mean “which European museum claims them,” it means “hey, Europe and America REALLY FCKED UP AFRICAN SOCIOPOLITICAL GROUPS due to chattel slavery and the way the Scramble for Africa divided the continent.” But more on that in a sec. First, there’s something really important to understand about European museums.
In many European countries, there’s not actually a protocol in place for giving stuff back. There should be, but there isn’t- and as such, this is something that’s very new for a lot of museums. In fact, in some cases, it’s illegal for museums to divest their collections, which is not a fair set of laws- but it means that loans are a way around this. Isn’t the most important thing getting the objects back in their place of origin so that the artists’ descent communities have access to them? (I personally think that’s the most important thing. Possession is nine tenths of the law, so once the bronzes are home, then we can argue the law.)
This also isn’t a case of giving something back to an individual- it’s giving something back to a country and the culture from whence it came. You can’t just go to the Nigerian embassy and hand the first staffer you see a bunch of art and artifacts- museum people have to be very careful about the transfer. This is true on both sides of the equation. Repatriation also has to take into account who the stuff should belong to.
For instance: Why are the Benin bronzes going back to Nigeria, when Benin the country is still extant? Because they were looted from Benin City, which is in modern-day Nigeria, which happened because African national borders are also relics of colonialism. Country lines were, by and large, not decided by African peoples; they were settled by Europeans during their pillaging of the continent for resources. Loans mean that these items can be displayed in Africa, for African people, while the details of permanent homing are figured out.
That leads us to the next thing people aren’t getting: These loans aren’t like borrowing a book from the library. Items aren’t being loaned to an individual, and there’s not a due date. In many cases, loans are actually more convenient than artifact transfers. There’s a lot of big-picture stuff to look at here, and for a brand new institution that’s not even built yet, loans make so much more sense than an actual transference of ownership for the first couple of years. Why? Logistics.
The Nigerian museum will be brand new, and as such, will be in the process of establishing its collection protocols, including rules about preservation (how will they store and care for the artifacts that aren’t on display? if you’re a new museum, you gotta decide that for yourself!), cataloging, and information coherence. Part of the point of museums is to keep information together. Every museum has its own system for this, and if they just straight-up adopted a European database system, they’d be using systems of categorization are based on colonial ideas of classification and hierarchy, using ethnic/social affiliations decided by European colonizers and largely bare of the language that African peoples describe themselves with. (I’ve seen these databases. It’s not pretty.) So they’ll adapt their own system, and then that’s where we get to the data entry part- which can take literal years for even a small collection. See, once something enters a museum collection, data’s attached to it- who put it there, where they got it- and as it continues to exist in a museum collection, data accumulates. “Loaning” stuff back for a short period actually takes some of the burden off the Nigerian museum because the stuff will remain in the European museums’ system while the Nigerian museum builds up its database. Give the Nigerian museum some time- as they grow physically and develop their systems, they’ll be better equipped to permanently house these artifacts. Which they will.
And this really is literal, I can’t stress that enough. This isn’t a “Oh, the African museum won’t have the resources, we’d better hold on to the stuff for them” patronizing thing, this is a “literally this museum is not finished yet, decisions about cataloging and storage have not yet been made” thing.
Physical storage is another Big Deal for why the European museums are agreeing to loans rather than outright repatriation. There is a TON OF LOOTED STUFF. The three-year rotating loan system means that for the first time, the looted artifacts will be able to be seen at home. But the looted artifacts aren’t going to be the only thing in this museum! Nigerian art didn’t stop happening after the 1800s- this museum is going to be a celebration of modern African art as well, and pre-1800s art. Loans mean that while the museum is building that storage space, they can display different objects without worrying about where to put them when they want to cycle in new bronzes. Museum buildings don’t spring out of the ground overnight. Safe, climate-controlled storage doesn’t blossom with the dew. Like, give them some time. These loans are a two-way street. If the Nigerian art museum didn’t like the terms and conditions, they wouldn’t have agreed to them. France was willing to give more- hell, the French side of the consortium has put new legislation in place to sidestep French laws about museums not being allowed to divest their collections so that they could just give things to Nigeria instead of doing loans. But the new Nigerian museum had agency and made decisions, too. They want these loans.
And then another thing: Different European museums and countries have different opinions about cooperation. This is one of the most complex repatriation cases to ever exist because we have multiple international governments who all contributed to the looting, and all of whom have different ideas about what they’re responsible for. France is leading the charge here- both their government and the French museum world considers it a major priority to permanently return West African artifacts. On the other hand, the British Museum and the V and A don’t treat repatriation as something worth doing, let alone a priority. Is this fair? Nope. It’s another miserable piece of the British Empire’s legacy, but realistically speaking- who can make them give stuff back? It took substantial public outcry to get the British museum on board with this, because colonizers are the ones who make the rules about what they do with the stuff they took. Germany, too, is agreeing to permanent loans, but there’s a definite sense of colonial expectations and arbitrary standards for what African museums “”“”“”“deserve”“”“”“” to have artifacts back. The idea of loans makes true repatriation more palatable to these old institutions- which I know a lot of people think don’t deserve to exist- but they do. They do exist, and they need to be held accountable for what they’ve done and what they’re doing. Even if you don’t like the term loan, this is an incredible step towards returning looted objects to their places of origin permanently. If the three-year rotating loan system works, it will be proof of concept that European museums can give things back in an equitable way. Loans of this nature are new and unprecedented, and are more than just borrowing things or patronizingly pretending to return items- but really, they’re still the colonizers’. These loans are the first step forward towards equitable looting restitutions. Even though the language- just the term “loan”- is upsetting to some, these loans have the potential and likelihood to turn into something permanent and quite wonderful.
talesofalamia reblogged
Dad gets (pretend) vaccinated so daughter is less scared. (via tana_ann)
talesofalamia reblogged
Volunteer/presenter/scholarship Speakeasy
Our next Speakeasy is coming up! This one is all about getting involved at Beguiled. Bring questions and marshmallows- who knows, maybe we can roast them? Please join us November 10, 3:30 PM CST on our Discord server: https://discord.gg/yAGpAWh
18+
talesofalamia reblogged
Ticket sale time!
Buy your tickets at beguiled.ticketleap.com/hindsight/. Please be aware that if you plan to buy a ticket and donate, you should consider doing it in one transaction to avoid having to fill out information multiple times. For the first time ever, thanks to Beguiled having a 3 year contract with the hotel, Beguiled is happy to offer a 3 year ticket option! For the low price of $230, you guarantee your ticket for 2020, 2021, and 2022! Please share the link on your social media, we want to get the word out!
talesofalamia reblogged
As the Temperature Rises So do Beguiled Ticket Prices!
Beguiled Convention Approaches! June 28th -30th with early orientation and a welcome party on June 27th.
Ticket prices will increase on May 15th! Get your tickets NOW https://beguiled.ticketleap.com/conference/dates/Jun-28-2019_at_0900AM (You want the 2nd chance option for all days of the con)
The con rate for the hotel is only guaranteed until June 6th so book your room ASAP once you register!!
Still on the fence about attending?Take a peek at our class list!
Laying the foundation - Classes for those new to hypnosis
- Building Frameworks for Trance
- Aural Fixation: Your Hypnotic Voice
- Erotic Hypnosis 101
- Safety in hypno play
Going down? Classes focused on hypnotic subjects
- Suggestions for Suggestibility: Building Strength as a Subject
- Self Care/ After Care: The Distinction, The Necessity, The Right
- Hypno Bratting: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Whipping up a good time - Kink and BDSM
- Bdsm 101
- Consent and Etiquette 101
- Impactful Inductions
- Such a Shame! Hypnosis and Humiliation Play
- What a Shock
- Sensual hypnotic Domination
- Develop a Hypnotic Cock! From a genderqueer genderfucker’s perspective!
Expanding your hypnotic toolbox
- Induction Starter Kit
- Fractionation: Beyond the Numbers
- Setting Your Subjects Up for Success
- World building in your mind
- Sensory Illusions & Nifty Manipulations
- Resistance Play: The Pleasures of Struggling and Giving In
- Hair and hypnosis
- Topping is for Anyone! (let us help you find how)
Melodies and memories - Group trances of song and story
- Musical Hypnotic Journeys 1: Music in Hypnosis
- Musical Hypnotic Journeys 2 - The Illustrated Score
- Musical Hypnotic Journeys 3 - 7 Deadly Sins
- Trance Circles
- Don’t Drop… Yet!
For Science!!!
- Biofeedback For Relaxation & Recreation
- Science of BDSM
- Deeply Robotized
- Bimbofication: The Porn, the Politics, the Practice
- How to build your bimbo
Tricks, Traps, and Flim-flams - Messing with minds for fun and profit
- Covert hypnosis and trancy language
- Using Their Pleasure Against Them
- Dirty Dualling
- Deconditioning
Hypnonomicon - Summoning up the dark side of hypnosis
- Structured Negotiation Tactics
- The Stuff of Nightmares
- Mind Breaking
- Vampires and Succubi
- Death Play
The hero’s journey (into trance) - Incorporating fantastical ideas into hypno play
- Turning nerdy fantasy into hypnotic reality
- Critical Trance
- The Hypnotic Hero’s Journey: Using a storytelling model to intensify scenes
- Mesmerism: a History
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This is just the beginning of the schedule and we look forward to posting a full schedule, complete with day and time of each class, in the coming weeks. Also keep in mind these classes are subject to change if presenters need to drop out for any reason.
What class are you looking forward to the most? Reblog with your answer!