It’s The Way You Learn To Love
pairing: any (male) idol x you
a/n: ik this is something very different and HYYH is gonna be updated a lil later I have just been in my feels so. here’s a short lil thing you can input your bias into (i originally wrote it for wonwoo actually haha) :) please. tell me what you think cuz tbh I am so insecure about my writing it’s been a hot minute since I did so regularly lol, also to my fellow abused babes whose view of love has been warped because of what they’ve been through you’re not alone and you deserve to have this! without further ado here is a very self indulgent drabble lol
It’s the way you thought he forgot your birthday. He comes home from work with a soft smile, excited to see you as always, and your heart sinks when you see his empty hands. He pulls you into a hug and tells you you’re going out for the night, and to wear whatever you like. You swallow the lump in your throat and do your makeup, and he takes you to the cinema; the fancy one you like, with the cushy sofas and drinks delivered to your seat. He buys a bottle of wine and pulls you back against his chest and presses a soft kiss into your hair, whispering “happy birthday, baby”, and you feel a wave of guilt wash over you.
“I thought you forgot, you didn’t get me anything”
“We just never did that in my family, so I didn’t really think to. I’m sorry, we can go shopping together after this if you want,” And you realise you hadn’t really discussed it, he wasn’t raised that way, and the memories you made that night meant more to you than any material possession could have. When your anniversary comes a few months later he arrives home holding a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates.
It’s the way he holds your hand in crowds because he knows you get anxious and, while he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he is scared of losing you in the sea of people. He traces circles on the back of your hand absentmindedly; a subconscious way of calming you down. And when you glance back at him he grins and gives your hand three squeezes - your own nonverbal way of saying “I love you”. You squeeze back. One. Two. Three.
It’s the way you got all done up because you weren’t feeling great about yourself and he doesn’t mention it. You are in a bad mood all day and even you don’t realise why. You go to see him in the practice room and the members are all slightly teasing.
“You’re looking just as good as he’s been saying,”
“He hasn’t shut up about you all day!”
And he kisses you in front of them all, which he never usually does, eyes adoring and bright as he gazes down at you. He sees the vulnerability in yours. He’s absolutely lovesick, he’s just shy, and you blush as he cups your face in his hands.
“You look so good, always,” he whispers, shutting out the oohing and aahing of the other men watching you.
It’s the way he reads to you in a deep, gentle voice as you lie in his lap and look up to watch his concentrated face. Every so often he moves his hand to card it through your hair, or lean down to kiss you briefly, and when you’re lulled into a peaceful sleep by the husky susurrations he chuckles softly and pulls the blanket off the back of the couch to cover you with. “I knew that would work,” he murmurs. You have been struggling to sleep recently. He keeps his fingers running through your tresses idly, unable to take his eyes off of you.
It’s the way he brings you random clay figures and kitschy knick knacks from antique shops because they made him think of you, your favourite chocolate bar from the corner store near your apartment because you had a bad day, your coffee in the morning from the coffee shop down the street because you’re too busy. And he never asks anything in return, but he never has to, because you do the same for him. You’re always on each other’s minds. Your apartment is full of tiny things. Your favourite is a set of baby blue and grey porcelain cat salt and pepper shakers, because they are so reminiscent of you both.
It’s the way he sits on the floor and holds you tight to him as your body shakes, wracked with sobs, as the stress overwhelms you. And he tells you your anxiety, your depression, your stress - they are not going to make him leave no matter how much you’ve been made to feel like they’re flaws. He tells you love is not the dopamine rush that makes you addicted to someone and he is not chasing a high - his love is caring, his love is patient, his love is not only available to you when you are happy and doing everything he wants. He tells you he hates that you’ve been made to feel like you’re only lovable when you’re useful or ‘nice to be around’, and that you never have to hide your bad days or be afraid to be vulnerable with him. Your fists are balled into his shirt and you apologise incoherently for ruining it with your tears. He kisses your forehead and rocks you in his lap, fingers tracing random shapes on your back. At one point he draws “i ♡ you” on your skin and you can’t help giggling through the tears. He knows you would do the same. In fact you have, many times.
It’s the way he stays silent as you yell at him, random things that don’t mean anything but you’re just too pent up to care. And he knows you’re getting overly emotional and starting arguments over nothing because of how you were raised and your tense home environment, he never blames you, he just waits until you’re all cried out before asking if you need space to calm down or are okay to talk about it now. You never insult him, it is never personal, and he gets it. He doesn’t have to, but he does.
It’s the way you need to vent and he just sits and nods. He listens intently, and he isn’t waiting for his turn to speak. He isn’t thinking about what he could say. He’s genuinely listening, and when you’re finished he tells you it sounds stressful, and he’s proud of you, and he’s always there to hear you out, and you feel a million pounds lighter.
It’s the way you’re both screaming, the atmosphere is tense, and neither of you can really remember why you got so angry. His pride doesn’t get in the way though, and he makes sure every time you fight to tell you he loves you, because he knows you’re scared he’ll leave. And he reminds you it’s normal to fight, and you will talk it out and be okay, and no matter what he adores you and is not going anywhere just because you disagree on something. Because you’re two different people, of course you will have different opinions, but at the end of the day you are one. You tell him you love him too.
It’s the way you have to unlearn everything you were ever taught.
It’s the way he gives you the space to.
It’s the way he loves you.
