we hunt the mighty pasta BEAST

and breadsticks are its BONES

ALFREDO FLOWS inside its veins

its organs are CALZONES

LASAGNA plates its armored hide

and should the hero dare

you'll find the noisome Jaws are strung

with garlic angel hair

The poem is written in common hymn meter (alternating lines of 8 and 6 syllables, usually iambs), so there are many possible tunes you can use to sing it:

Feel free to add any favorites!

Happy Halloween to all the little wyrmlings!! I’m in university now so there’s been a loooong wait for the next comic, but here it is!

Patreon | Redbubble | Webtoon

surfing flatfish! drop what you’re doing! Important!

HAPPY FLAT FUCK FRIDAY

To celebrate the first of Halloween, I have to share with you my recent discovery: The Living Tombstone’s remix of Spooky Scary Skeletons and Freaks by Timmy Trumpet & Savage have the same BPM.

It’s that time of the year again! I have Scaredy Cat mini books on my website (heatherfranzen.com/shop)

Thank you to those who already ordered!!

Every year I see this comic passed around from people who are not the artist. Here’s the artist’s post, with details on hard-copies of that lovely little Halloween cat comic that we’ve all enjoyed so much over the years. If you’ve enjoyed it, too, and have the ability to support the artist, please consider picking up a copy!

Dude it’s the Halloween kitty comic!!

I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!!!

The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

---

I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

---

If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

HOLY SHIT GUYS GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS

HAPPY HAGFISH DAY

When I was in the hospital, they gave me a big bracelet that said ALLERGY, but like. I'm allergic to bees. Were they going to prescribe me bees in there.

So there's a medication called hyaluronidase. It's used to make other medications absorb better, because it makes the cell wall more permeable.

One common usage is to make local anesthetic more effective during surgery, for instance. It's used in a number of injected medications.

Bee stings contain an enzyme very similar to this medication, so sometimes, people with bee allergies have an allergic reaction to hyaluronidase.

This is called cross-reactivity, where your body mistakes something for the thing it's actually allergic to, and has an allergic reaction anyway. For instance, sometimes people with latex allergies also are allergic to bananas and other fruits. They don't actually contain latex, but there are some similar proteins.

Apparently, hyraluronidase used in humans is derived from one of four sources: sheep testicles, cow testicles, cow testicles again, and GMO hamster ovaries.

tl;dr: They won't inject you with bees, but they might inject you with purified cow testicle juice, and your body might say 'eh, cow balls are BASICALLY bees' and try to kill you anyway.

Saw this and wondered if you'd seen it before?

@gallusrostromegalus

I had not, but I wonder how much it's got to do with the Latin "Gallus" for Chicken- roosters do tend to be, well. cocky.

Now I know what everyone is getting from me for end-of-year holiday gifts!

I just have to find it.

BEHOLD:

I love that it is called a Gratiator!

from time immemorial in cultures all over the world, storytellers have asked: what if there was a guy who kicked major ass? what if he kicked so much ass, every time someone stepped to him, he found even cooler ways to kick ass?

#i'm thinking about journey to the west again #but also beowulf #but also the worst webnovels you've ever read in your life

Tags via @rabbiteclair

#the epic of gilgamesh was a webnovel #they were really angling to sell the adaptation rights #but made the simple miscalculation of launching it four millennia before movies or television were invented. or the internet #cringe mesopotamian webnovel fails

I don't know why, but the second any park has a boardwalk of any kind I lose my mind. I don't care if it is only like ten feet long. Coolest shit ever. 11/10. Best park ever.

i really should make an oc based on my favourite concept ever: jedi dropout who does online tutoring for kids whose parents didnt hand them over to the jedi

pov you are walking down a coruscant street and you hear somebody on the phone (holo phone? comms? whatever) saying “listen to me, no, listen, grandmaster yoda, i HEAR what you’re saying but listen, listen: i will spill any jedi knowledge for twenty credits. and if you want me to stop you’re going to have to fucking kill me. alright? give master koon my love and tell aayla that spare room is still up for grabs” and then they hang up

it’s not ideological they just left the order for love and then immediately had the worst breakup ever but they’d already told half the council to fuck off so they had to commit

But did he survive Order 66?

would they even be a star wars character if they didnt survive to go on a mad scramble quest to collect all their idiot baby students before the empire gets them. they have to borrow their ex’s ship it’s a whole drama

Will They Yeet Rukia?

Inspired by this post, which @toast-star tagged as "RenRuki", which is absolutely correct, but I started thinking about everybody else.

The reason Yachiru can yeet Rukia but not Soi Fon is that Yachiru has to good sense to launch her from atop Kenpachi's shoulder. She believes height is a choice.

I forgot several people's Husband, apparently.

eagle: so what do you think about stigmata

prometheus: you know we're in a pre-christian myth, right? like that word doesn't exist yet. your dumb joke is anachronistic.

eagle: stigma talons in your flesh

cats camouflaging themselves

So now that we have all the backgrounds, when do we get the pictures of the cats?