i'm here, i'm queer, and i regret my choices

saw this on a craigslist ad for baby goats

When a student copies an essay online instead of writing it and then painstakingly changes every word to a synonym until the text no longer makes any sense...

call that the Ship of Thesaurus

Any educator who doesn't feel this on a visceral level has never had to experience the psychic pain of reading the phrase "Unused York City."

A lecturer at Middlesex University in 2014, Chris Sadler, coined the term "Rogetism" for these. Perhaps the best:

Source.

I'm trying to hide my plagiarism but the clapping of my sinister buttocks keeps alerting the lecturer

The Pitt 1.11 + The Onion Headlines

behold…. a Bastard

How could U fail to mention that this fool marks territory by howling? Yunno. Like a wolf

Oh. Oh I am in love with this bastard wolf mouse.

that little guy is locked in an evolutionary arms race (my favourite thing) with bark scorpions (he loves to eat those guys) - he’s not only immune to their venom, but he’s evolved such that that venom acts as an analgesic; he barely even feels the sting because the scorpion’s own venom blocks the pain of it. this effect is strong enough that they don’t really notice even when the scorpion is stinging them repeatedly in the face.

I’ve been tinkering with the idea of an urban fantasy “All Fairy Tales Are True” setting where some fairy tale characters are mortals who reincarnate and live through their story again and again with no memory of their past lives, but other characters are immortal, carrying over biases and grudges and regrets from the last time they went through this.

Snow White’s dwarves keep her room exactly as she left it, and keep a wary eye on the horizon for the day she returns. When she does they treat her like a beloved daughter come home, cook her favourite meals, warn her to stay away from apples this time, and keep calling her the wrong name.

Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother found her a touch ungrateful last time, and has decided not to appear to her this time around to teach her a lesson in gratitude. This Cinderella, without the memory of the last time, is still a terrified, miserable woman desperate to escape her awful situation.

The Witch in the gingerbread house has developed a thousand traps to eat those goddamned kids. She’s failed every time. She lives a life of Sisyphean torment previously known only to cartoon coyotes.

so I've been OBSESSED with Murderbot

I've already largely changed my mind on it's design like 3 times but Vico Ortiz remains my ultimate inspiration

Sometimes Tumblr is a lot like trying to explain a toddler that you can't eat bugs and spiders because that's bad for you, and then someone shows up to lecture you about how spiders are a completely different class from insects, also you got "centipede" and "millipede" mixed up, so obviously you don't know anything about what you're talking about.

And if you try to answer like "do you want me to just let this kid just eat bugs or what", they'll get offended because correcting you about being wrong has nothing to do with implying that anyone would be eating bugs off the ground, obviously nobody is stupid enough to be doing that in the first place, that's a straw man and insulting to every group of people ever.

And then you look up at the other side of the yard and the toddler is there right back at it, slurping up centipedes like spagetti.

A valuable addition:

where's that post about people on the internet making up a hypothetical strawman and accidentally summoning that strawman or something

Tumblr is like the land of Oz: Every once in a while an unprompted walking, talking strawman shows up to do a little dance and sing a song about how they have no brains at all.

*whispers* holy shit people are amazing.

#i mean the boring answer is that many people go to college here and experience the epic highs and lows of being late teens early 20s. #the less boring answer is it's the molasses curse ( @burins)

Official Post of Massachusetts

still thinking about the brainrot that fast fashion has caused in people, like i made this pair of pants that are black and white with a cool flowery design, and an acquaintance saw them and said "wow i'd pay like 20 dollars for you to make me a pair" and i could barely think with how utterly horrified i was at that; i told them that 20 dollars wouldn't even cover the materials, let alone the hours of work that went into cutting, sewing, ironing, hemming, altering, etc. they just had this look on their face when i told them that, when i said i wouldn't make them a pair for even 100 dollars because that was still way too low of an amount, a look that said "you're crazy for thinking that those cost 100 dollars" and maybe i am crazy but holy shit, 20 dollars for a pair of handmade, durable, lined pants fitted specifically to your measurements? 20 dollars for upwards of 60 hours of work? 20 dollars for several yards of high-quality fabric, thread, and buttons? 20 dollars???

this is a confession to the star wars fandom because I have to get this off my chest. last summer just for fun I taught myself to read aurebesh and. you fanartists have Got to Continue putting the most Hilarious stuff into the background of your art because it is literally my favorite thing

here’s a couple of excellent things I’ve read since I started keeping a list just last month:

- “I hate drawing lightsabers”

- “Idk what to put here”

- “stupid fucking sign”

- “eat paste, it’s good”

- an entire news article on a phone screen which I actually found really impressive

- a few funny misspellings but the best one so far was ahsoka somehow becoming “asock”

- wanted poster of obi wan that read “wanted for fashion crimes”. the caption translated it as “wanted for high treason”. like blatantly lying to my face. love it.

- door on a ship was labeled “cake storage”

- “shopping list: frogs, hair gel, lightsaber polish”

and my personal favorite:

- “if you’re reading this you’re a fucking nerd”

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

SHUT

sometimes I wonder how y'all are obsessed with specific characters and I'm like "why them" but then I remember that sometimes its literally not your choice you just look at them wrong and all of a sudden they're taking up your every thought forever

to quote someone who was a genius on bluesky:

When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#he wouldn't fucking say that but i'm getting kind of attached to the guy you invented who did say that