*Note to New Readers

This blog is about Jungian type theory, analytical psychology, and personal growth. Most of the Q&As discuss problems related to personality, so I don’t recommend following unless you can handle such content. Note that some people are mistyped, so avoid overgeneralizing from their experience. Knowledge of cognitive function theory is often required and I have provided study guides for newbies on my blog at mbti-notes.tumblr.com.

Anyone wanting to submit a message/question must follow the guidelines on the contact page at mbti-notes.tumblr.com/contact. I get more messages than I have time to respond to, so I omit any that are repetitive, irrelevant, or easily searchable. It may be faster for you to search the blog yourself than to wait on my reply; there is already plenty of content available, including: a site index, a list of search tags, type descriptions, type analysis, cognitive functions, the functional stack, type development issues, relationship issues, emotional or mental health issues, learning issues.

If you would like to request my help with type assessment, follow the submission instructions on the contact page to write up a detailed profile for me to analyze. I won’t respond to assessment inquiries unless the instructions are followed.

Anon wrote: Hello, first of all, thank you for putting in so much time (years even) to helping people and sharing your insights. It’s really thoughtful of you and I feel happy that there is someone out there I can write to, you can give thoughtful advice.

Here’s my question: I am INFJ. What do you do when you have Ni fatigue? I ask this because I’ve noticed that my Ni requires a lot of brain power to work through and think through things. When I truly use Ni, I can sieve through things and get some pretty useful insights. But honestly, I can’t do it 24/7. And Ni being the dominant function, would mean that it would “default” to the lower functions which are not as developed when my brain is tired. That’s when problems lurk because my brain is telling me that I need my me time, but my Fe now starts to tell me that I am not interacting with the people around me and they are going to find me boring etc.

Anon wrote: hello mbti-notes. very glad to see you still active. you have helped me through a rough patch and continue to support people becoming a better version of themselves :)

On this topic, I wanted to ask a question. I am an ENFP, mainly confirmed by you, and throughout the years it has proven to be my correct and true type. I've noticed though that stirring from long-ignored mental issues and a bad childhood, my personality has very conflicting aspects. I have been officially diagnosed with anxiety, depression and some other miscellaneous conditions.

Anon wrote: My boyfriend is an ENFJ though I notice a lot of people would say things about him that would normally be associated with ENTJ. He's been described as "bossy", "rough", "ambitious" and "goal-oriented" by most, and I do recognize that in him too. Though, I typed him as ENFJ because he's very socially aware (like sometimes it feels like he's over-reading social cues, such as easily attributing a specific emotion or an intention to someone even when they barely express anything that could confirm their hunch...) and secondly, he has difficulty managing technical information and feels easily overwhelmed or lost, I (INFJ) often have to help him out as I'm good at managing time and breaking down tasks for him.

Anon wrote: What can I do in these situations? I realized I feel very fearful, even phobic about the internet now, by seeing how is talked about the way big companies manage private data, the thing of devices being vulnerable to any cyber attack and the way AI is being used to harass people and scam.

I feel… very terrified by all of this, I don't feel at ease even at my own home by living with smart devices. Is there a way I can make this more tolerable? I know we all need technology in our lifes now, but I don't want to feel spied on and vulnerable by it. It feels… very apocalyptic to me, and has made me fall in a pit of existential despair.

Then I started to think about my forgotten accounts, which made me VERY panicked. What if something happened to them and I didn't know? What if they're used for terrible things?

This worry has become so magnified in my mind, that I fear crumbling down when facing daily life things, and then even become bed ridden by the immense anxiety. I was bed ridden through many years by anxiety before so, this has become a huge concern.

I'm INFJ btw. Thank you very much!

Anon wrote: ISFP, asexual, beginning a 5-year PhD in a a conservative state. I’ve noticed grad students in the program like to bond over dating/guys (the cohort is mostly women in their 20s). Although my love life is technically none of their business, at every place I’ve worked, people have asked if I’m seeing anyone, what my taste is guys is, etc. I usually “play along” with assumptions that I’m straight and give the sort of answers people seemed to be looking for. But 5 years seems like a long time to fake such a fundamental part of myself. I think I’ll end up having to go against the grain one way or another.

Many people don’t know about asexuality, so not only would I risk people’s prejudice, at minimum I’d probably have to play “educator” about my identity. I’m trying to decide whether to a) clearly communicate that I won’t discuss my dating life with my cohort and then keep enforcing that boundary (which will be hard because I do want to bond with people in the program), b) just say I’m not interested in dating or that I’m “not inclined that way” (although in my experience, that doesn’t deter people from further prying), or c) be honest and open about my identity if anyone asks (but then have to “explain myself” to people)

Anon wrote: Hi, I'm a troubled INFJ asking on how to find an answer for a dilemma I'm having w my family members. I don't truly hate, but I lack affection for my father and sister; caring for them doesn't bring me comfort.

I grew up in a poor family. From a young age, I witnessed my father indulging in gambling and abusing my mother. Our conversations at home were often filled with yelling and swearing. My mother, despite her kindness and sacrifice, couldn't restrain my father's behavior (I believe my mom is ISFJ). We endured many nights of fear and tears as my father gambled away our livelihood. My father never cared about our education or well-being; his selfish pursuits always came first. He never provided for us financially, spending all his earnings on gambling and accumulating debt.

Anon wrote: Hello MBTI-notes! I'm an INTJ seeking for help on how to deal w my situation that involves considering finance. I tend to be good at dealing with these practical problems but this dilemma gets mixed into a great relationship that I'm very unwilling to let go, my relationship w my current bf who's INFJ.

I'm not someone who seeks a lavish lifestyle, but I'm apprehensive about facing homelessness in the future, having to rent year-round.

Anon wrote: Hello, mbti-notes! I will quit trying to be creative and will just thank you for this blog. I always come here when I need to somehow freshen up my thoughts. I like your approach and your wording.

I was going to ask you a question about a better way of socialising, but before that I wanted to explain my current mental state. It got long, sorry in advance.

Anon wrote: ENFJ. I have an ESTP friend but our friendship is struggling bc we both want to be good frs but handle our friendships differently. We’re having to make exceptions for each other. We want to stay friends but worried burdening the other with our requests.

Anon wrote: I (ENTP) am conflicted on whether to try to resolve or end this unstable friendship with an ISFP.

Anon wrote: WARNING: abuse, sexual assault. Hello, I want to ask for your opinion on how I could convince my sister to let her daughter undergo therapy.

Careful. Type development is a method of realizing your greater potential; it's not meant to be applied as a cure for mental disorder. Tertiary loop isn't the main problem but merely a symptom or aggravating factor of the deeper psychological issue. While treating symptoms (like negative self-talk) can bring some relief, the relief will always be meager or temporary as long as you're not addressing the root causes.

You need to get to the bottom of whatever is inducing your anxiety in the first place. Since you haven't provided info pertaining to root causes, there's not much more I can say. If you're like other Fi doms, it's likely there are some problems, issues, or obstacles in your life that you haven't fully faced up to. The longer one leaves problems to fester, the more likely they are to make one feel anxious. If this is true in your case, it's time to tackle those problems properly.

Se development should be helpful in encouraging you to confront problems bravely and honestly as well as be proactive in seeking out realistic and practical solutions. Oftentimes, Fi doms are avoidant because of low self-confidence, stemming from a lack of knowledge/skill, so it might be necessary for you to get expert guidance or help for addressing the root causes of your anxiety.