masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

i wish i had a floating evil skull to follow me around and when we went to the grocery store she would say something like my liege we must purchase the strawberry cream cheese for the coming days and i would be like oh fuck youre so right and put it in my cart and then we would walk down the next aisle together our beautiful life

Another day of being a sweetiepie. Just clocked in

Sick of this shit it’s time to be a rotted cunt

god if there was a book of forbidden spells I wouldn’t even hesitate

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

this image is making me throw up with laughter for some reason

I know I'm a bit late to saying this but frankly if I found out a secret society of magic-users were just playing nonsense sports and making up slurs for the rest of us instead of helping us out with famines or leukemia I think I'd apply for a job with my local witch hunters

anerican choese

they are canceling me for the way i deal with grief. also, for the infinite number of destroyed universes

mothers day cards: hey queen 👸😋! thank you for cooking 🍳 and cleaning 🧽🧹🧺 and shopping 🛍🛒 and taking care of our health insurance 🙊⚕️and just being a great beautiful lady! 🥰❤️ we love you so much mom!!!

fathers day cards: you FART 💨 and thats FUNNY 🤡

One of the best reports so far in MAGP15, but the whole time this is all I could think about:

they would find each other in any universe