Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Male/Male

Tags: Aspergers, Romance, Introspection, What happened last night?, Alcohol, UST, Hurt/Comfort, Eye Trauma, Childhood Trauma, Scotomaphobia, Lack of Communication, Cats: the Mascots of Loneliness, Horses, Animal Death, Minor Character Death, Self-Esteem Issues, Body Dysphoria, Emotional Issues, Just a Lot of Issues in General, Masturbation, Victorian setting, Abuse and Neglect of Historical Accuracy, Explicit Sexual Content, References to Sex While Mutually Intoxicated, I promise it was consensual, Pining, From Sex to Love

Summary:

Lauchlan led a simple life, a comfortable one, and all things considered he was quite lucky. He had steady work, a roof over his head, food on his plate, a family who loved him, if from a distance, and good company to keep himself in.

Of course, he had his bad days and his good days, but overall, he thought he’d found himself content with his lot in life. All it took was one stag night, and a few too many pints addling his brain for it all to come crashing down around his ears.

He didn’t know what drove him to it, didn’t know what he’d do, didn’t know what he’d done. All he knew was that he’d woken up in a strange bed, with a stranger man curled against his side, bruises like handprints on his hips, and the sinking realization that what he’d done could never be taken back, never undone.

He never thought he was the sort of man who would do such a thing. Never thought himself capable of it. He never thought he’d come to like it. Never would have believed he’d come to love him.

Turns out, there were a lot of things he’d never thought before.

Dear Internet at Large (and Tumblr specifically)

I owe you all an apology. I made the mistake of promising that the next chapter of MBWLAYWGS will be out soon. I truly believed it at the time, as it was mostly finished, but, well, that was over a year ago now. It honestly scares me that I let it go that long without really coming to grips with just how long I’ve kept you all waiting. I knew it was too long, but, well. I had some personal stuff that got in the way for a while, and, well, I made this rule to myself that I should always let my chapters sit for at least a week before I post, to make sure I’m happy with them, but with this one, it’s the last one. The end. So of course I was never happy with it and kept on faffing around and pushing the posting of it back and back and back. It reached a point where I had two very similar premises for the end of the chapter which I kept on swapping in and out and in and out for each other without actually writing anything new. At the end of the day, I think I was just scared to put an end to something that’s been part of my life for so long now. It’s a little juvenile, and it’s not fair to any of you, but, it is what it is.  I can’t undo it now.

 I’ve had some very beautiful comments on AO3 and here on tumblr, that I haven’t responded to. Namely because I was embarrassed by how long it was taking me to finish chapter 19 when I’d promised it would be done soon, and the longer I faffed about the more awkward it became to respond to them. The same thing kind of happened with tumblr, I forgot to use it for a while, and the longer it was the more daunting it was to try and get back into it. It’s childish and I’m sorry. Know that I’ve read them all and I hold them very dear to me. I’m sorry I’m so bad at responding to messages and using social media, I’m gonna try and be better.

 The thing is. The last chapter going to go up on Friday. I’m not happy with it, but at this point, I don’t think I ever will be, so it’s gonna go up on Friday whether I like it or not. I hope at least some of you like it though, and that you find the closure worthy of the wait. Thankyou for coming on this ride with me. I’ve learned so much and loved every minute of it, and it makes me so happy to know that at other people have liked it too.

 See you all again on Friday. I’m really sorry about dropping of the grid for a year.

 Sincerely,

 LockedBox

Okay I’m in class today and my Mum just texted me a picture of Digger re-excavating his hole, with nothing but the caption “Angry digging!” and I just, I don’t know why that’s so funny but I can’t stop laughing. Everyone was looking at me snerking away behind my hand for a good ten minutes. Maybe it’s the end of semester stress screwing with my mood, but, what can I say, just, angry digging! They’re such silly boys.

Digger Dug a Hole

It is a big hole. He is very proud of himself.

Look at this photogenic little bugger.

I got some new fishie friends! Very happy with this trip, think I got a great picks, and there was this lovelly little sulfur head in amougst the assorted aulonocara and a sweet little ob. The little blue fella seems to have been put at the bottom of the totem pole, but I have hopes that things will settle soon. They’re normally more camera shy than this, but the little sulfur head seems particularly brazen. I’ll try to get some better photos when I can finally get round to cleaning the glass. Hopefully they’ll do well.