JesstheObsessed

stopp omg why are primary care doctors like “girl theres nothing wrong with you” and then you convince them to write the referral and you finally see a specialist and the specialist is like “goddamn you got syndrome”

you could be bleeding out on the floor and a primary care physician will come along and be like “its just your anxiety”

"The magic system is never fully explained" yeah that's how life works. Imagine having a story set in modern day America and the characters have several pages of exposition on combustion engines and telecommunication networks before we get to the plot

i think this is absolutely correct and good writing advice but also victor hugo would like to have a word with you about the parisian sewer system circa 1832

SITCOM WEEK 2022 | day four favorite duo ☆ winston + furguson

omg so we have 1 seeing dog and 1 blind dog and whenever there's a toy they both want, the seeing dog takes it and just...stands very still. immobile. she KNOWS he will try to wrestle it from her but she has figured out that if she does not squeak it, then he will not find it. leading to this.

"god....grant me the strength to not squeak the squeaky toy"

I’m just amazed that they managed to find someone who knew none of this

This is the only person who is experiencing Star Wars correctly

battle couples has gotta be one of my favorite tropes though. The “you got me?” “Yeah, I got you.” The kiss for good luck. Fighting alongside each other for so long they know every strength and weakness. The dichotomy of being fucking terrifying to their enemies, but so soft with each other. When one is in danger and the other goes feral, protects them at any cost. When everything is over and done, it’s all “let me see where you’re hurt,” and washing off the dirt and blood.

Source

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Here, put this candy in your annoying mouth and shut the fuck up.

They’re like adult pacifiers

Same thing was done in Brighton where people were given kitkats as they leave nightclubs because you need both hands to eat them, plus obvs eating.

Other cities would also have mounted police on horses patrolling the streets. Nothing to do with needing to add police presence, they realised drunk people see a horse and go “Ooh Horsies” and stroke the horse. It would distract people from fighting in queues for taxis.

I have witnessed the horse thing in action! for a short amount of time I went clubbing regularly, and being the only person who hated the taste of alcohol I usually just ended up observing the behaviour of the native drunk wildlife, like some sort of Jane Goodall of inebriated students. It was educational.

By far one of the best nights was out in Cardiff, and when we left the club there was, indeed, a horsie and the absolutely immediate, instinctual response of the first dozen people to leave the club (and therefore the first to see this) was to form a group around the door to tell everyone who was leaving the whole pack  going shhshshhsh there’s. there’s A HORSIE don’t. don’t make a noise don’t scare the horsie :’( and everyone leaving the club INSTANTLY quieted the fuck down like even the ones who were fight-me-im-drunk drunk got calmly surpressed by their friends and redirected their energy. Many people did go and pet the horsie who was clearly very well trained and the whole thing was thoroughly impressive and really very moving :’D

every once in a while I remember that hannibal lecter would show up at crimes he committed and be like “girl WHO did that???”

I looooove going the speed limit. the people behind me sure don't tho

im going 45 in a 45 and the guy behind me's like i hope she never sees the gates of heaven

Translation request by @unbridled. English added by me :)

:3

When you’re an archaeologist with a set schedule, sometimes people really get to understand who you are

When I dug in France I always got a croissant at 0520 from the same exact place in Échemines. A week in, they had one lying on the counter for me by the time I walked in. By the second week I got the exact amount I’d pay in hand when I walked in, because they’d reliably have it ready. I made sure to tell the owners that I wasn’t returning on my last day of the dig.

I may mention that every time I ordered in French. On my last day the owners gave me hugs and kindly told me to never speak in French again

They had your order ready so they wouldn’t have to hear you speak French 🤣

OH, MOTHERFUCKER

I’m sooo strong and masculine my arm doesn’t even shake when I’m holding a pot over the sink while I fill it up with water (lying)

I love when dogs and cats just let you pat the shit out of them and they enjoy it so much. Like yeah dude real quick I just need to play you like a bongo and they’re like god yes I’ve been waiting for someone to play me like a bongo

People who love cold weather are fucking weird. You like to freeze? You like to shiver?? You like when you take a step outside and the air stings your skin???