Dead Mom Jokes

From photosofbritain

You need a piglet parade?#cute pig

professors who have only interacted with other academics for years: “what do you MEAN you don’t know multi-variable calculus yet??”

professors with small kids: “thank you for not putting the lab equipment in your mouths when I turn my back”

Bringing this back to share that one time I slept through part of a zoom meeting with my PhD advisor (who has a toddler) and he told me it was fine, that just meant I was a good sleeper

Professors who work with graduate students: if you finish the multivariate calculus work this week you can put one (1) piece of lab equipment in your mouth

Once had a professor whose previous career was giving educational zoo tours to children, so he’d say stuff like, “now let’s meet our friend, acidic keratin!”

in high school I was in the child development class where we ran the preschool. Class ended and I moved onto the next class, an art class. Sit down next to my friend who was working on a serious piece and casually asked for my thoughts on it, looking for serious critique.

Preschool mode had not turned off so I looked at it, clapped my hands and said “WOW Really great work! Amazing!”, in that same kind of voice you’d say to a toddler who presented you with a random scribble on a piece of paper.

Friend loved the reaction at least lmao.

hey i saw these tags and i think i’m about to kiss you on the mouth rn

I wish the world worked like it did in the stardew valley universe. If I'm strapped for cash I should be able to go grab some blackberries off the nearest roadside bush and go sell them to a grocery store for a quick ten bucks. I should be able to think "huh I wanna go talk to the wizard today" and then I go talk to the wizard in his wizard tower

my dad is so funny because if you actually asked him point blank if he's an ally i dont think he'd know how to respond but like a year ago he was talking about when he used to sell houses in the 90s and he was like "yeah we had a gay couple come in and i had to tell one of my coworkers to stop being rude to them. then they invited me to their housewarming party, i dont know why. after that i had a bunch of gay couples come in and specifically ask for me, isnt that weird?" and he legitimately had never connected the dots

i literally had to be like "dad. it was florida. in the 90s. the word probably got out among the gay community that you weren't a violent homophobe so gay people felt relatively safe working with you" and he was like ".......oh. well that explains a lot."

I am looking neither respectfully nor disrespectfully. I gaze without recognition of your form, and without understanding.

Me without my glasses

I have never seen an animal sleep in such a cursed way what

please share the truth about our marsupial helpers!

[video by emersonbrophy. caption: no celery was wasted in the making of this video (very sick of ants on a log)]

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two

There once was a man from Verdun

There once was a man from the sticks Whose limericks stopped at line six. They were fine till line five Then they took quite a dive — But the problem is easy to fix If you just ignore the last line, it doesn't even follow the rhyme scheme oh god I've really lost control of this thing I'm so sorry...

There once was a man

From Cork who got limericks

And haiku confused.

There once was a man from the sticks

Who liked to compose limericks

But he failed at the sport

Because he wrote them too short

@limerickshere

There once was a fellow named Dan, Whose poetry never would scan. When told this was so, He replied, "Yes, I know-- It's because I try to squeeze as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."

On Tumblr did lasses and lads Their way with fail poetry had. You're having your fun But you're fooling no one - It takes skill to do something this bad.

Mythbusters have 3 categories of myths

4. Turn up the dynamite, let's MAKE it real

you cannot headcanon your way out of overt thematic structures on which the entire narrative is built

#but damn if a fandom won’t try (derogatory)

Preserving @marisatomay's tag.

i understand toddlers cuz if i was just born a couple years ago and someone tried to get me to understand and say words while i'm growing insane amounts of teeth very quickly and painfully i'd be having a temper tantrum on the floor of a department store too

at the point in my life where whenever a kid cries in public i'm like man i get it. carry on

BIG SILLY?