Huntin them Pokemans

garf loaf (requested by my dad)

Me & the other drivers were really impressed when you swerved around all of us at high speeds & got to the red light before anyone else

fucking adhd. I have to run a con on my own brain to get anything done.

I'm staging everything I'll need to do paperwork and a stressful phone call, real sneaky-like so as not to alert my brain to the plan. Going into the kitchen for coffee and casually turning on my computer as I pass. Telling myself I'm just picking up these papers so I don't step on them. Planting my favorite pen in a strategic position.

Later, I'll subtly imply that completing this task is quick, it's easy, and it's free. And then I'll see everything laid out and think "well, surely a little 5-minute trial run won't hurt, and of course I can stop if I want to." and that's when the bear traps will be activated.

and maybe you're thinking nobody would fall for that but lemme tell ya: I know the mark and he's a real goober. you can trick him into taking pills just by placing them on top of a package of mint oreos. he doesn't even question it, just finds the pills on his way to the cookies and goes "sure, why not?"

have i ever shown you guys my professor’s DNI list

this is environmental storytelling to me. i just KNOW she’s so so tired of gay cottagecore bitches

Smurfs dni

everyone shut the fuck up this is the only funny addition to this post

I love yokai so much

THIS IS IT, THE BEST CRYPTID

Emperor of Kyoto: We have a thief! Which one of you ate my breakfast before it arrived?!

Servant Who Definitely Ate All The Emperor’s Breakfast: Oh you’ve never heard of the Breakfast Bird??

He tried his best

"the early 2010s were better" no they weren't. "hey soul sister" was on the radio.

If you reblog this from me to say you liked this song i will block you

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.

and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.

I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me

chilchuck!

my advice for not going insane? try to do something every weekend. go to events, you’ll love events. and not like just hang out with ur friends or go clubbing , no, make a day out of going to some local market by yourself or attend some strange convention event you’ve never heard of. i cannot stress the importance of doing random events on a friday night or saturday or a sunday at r pm for mentally ill people especially if you’re depressed and have been searching for an anchor 2 tether yourself to. attend some events now

seeing a lot of tags on this like “i would do this but my social battery is low and i have social anxiety” great news! so do i! and YOU are the target audience of this post in fact! i speak from experience when i say that if you do this often enough then things will probably get easier for you and you’ll feel a lot less afraid around social environments. literally go to random conventions about vacuums or flea markets near where you live and like talk to the people there. ask them about their weird niche interests or what they’re selling like YOU don’t even have to be the one TALKING the great thing is you can just go to these things to interact with people for like one time and you’ll never have to worry about meeting them again probably. these are great for like test runs of social interactions ok. rule number one of my life do not block yourself off from things you could potentially be interested in because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing at them or something because that will just open you up into spiraling into thinking you are deserving of nothing good like this like you HAVE to stop thinking like that as soon as possible. and not because some random guy on the internet says that it’s good to shut that part of your brain off for whatever reason This is literally for your own benefit. so yeah go down to the library and ask the lady at the desk what her favorite book is not only will it enhance your life it will enhance the lives of others. fucking have fun and fuck it and ball and live joyously even in small doses cuz even small doses of living are still LIVING!!!!!!! GO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!! ITS GREAT