vals room

This high school drumline’s incredible performance included only drumstick

honestly my dream is to not be famous myself, but to be married to a famous person purely so i could go to events full of other famous people and pretend i’ve never heard of any of them. i would love to watch the look on leonardo di caprio’s face as i ask him what he does for a living and, when he incredulously tells me he’s an actor, take a sip of my drink and ask, “and how’s that working out for you?”

”This Artist Brilliantly Reimagined Disney Princesses as-”

me: *already asleep*

i have never been more awake

"Uuuuh of course they're all racist and sexist and homophobic they're in hell, how are you supposed to show the kind of people that end up there otherwise"

Its downright fascinating how I can negate almost every point people make abt Hazmat Motel just by pointing to The Good Place, a show with the same premise done by people who can actually write characters

Lol stay salty

I haven’t actually seen The Good Place but I get the feeling whoever wrote it doesn’t actually understand what Hell is if good people are there.

>didn’t read the basic synopsis of the show

whoever isn’t renewing sonic boom right this very second is a coward and a fool

there’s no way that’s real

@pakabear bro i can assure you absolutely every line in this compilation is fucking real and aired on a children’s television show

Yes I AM cranky because I received NO PROPHETIC DREAMS to help me on my quest.

trust me... you dont want em b

The Amazing world of Gumball writers have been unleashed

AND THAT IS THE TEA

THE WAY THEY ALL DO THAT SUCK IN A BREATH THROUGH THE TEETH AND UNFORTUNATE MMM SOUND THE WAY WE DO I’M DYING

a singular scuit. just one. 

an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it.

‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years ‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones

‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice baked thus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice

behold the monoscuit/scuit

Why is this called a biscuit:

when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they cared thus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UK the evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree

Today’s aesthetic: photos of lurking animals that one wouldn’t reasonably expect to be capable of lurking.

Proof needed

cool so you can hide ads for knowing too much now

hey!

hey!

probably don’t do this!

when you tell facebook an ad “knows too much” you’re essentially confirming that their advertisement algorithm is working, it’s just making people uncomfortable because it’s working too well

it’s still positive feedback on them trying to either flood people with advertisements or socially engineer you into buying things by tracking frankly enormous amounts of data on your location, the other websites and apps you use, your conversations recorded through your phone, everything

instead? just mark all ads as "repetitive” or “irrelevant”- something that doesn’t give them information on how well the ad catered to your tastes.

don’t give huge creepy corporations valuable information on your ad tastes. they will use it against you in any way they can.

the difference between tumblr and twitter is that pretty much everyone on tumblr needs some kind of compassionate intervention in their lives, but at a low background level. Twitter has 99% normies succumbing to internet brainrot and 1% just the most outlandish personalities you’ve ever seen. 

your average tumblr personality is a shaking dog in a Sarah McLachlan appeal, with enough time and care they can be rehabilitated and placed in a loving home. your average big-time twitter account should be sent to a prison colony on the moon

how quickly we forget our past on this site…

Friend I was here for the bone stealing witch. Even as the sun and moon hid their eyes and averted their gaze I saw the witch walk without fear of the laws of God nor man and steal those bones and sell them on etsy. The amputated toe. The breast milk jewelry. A man who against any law of heaven desires to own another human as a pet reblogged my star wars discourse posts. You want to talk about racefaking cannibal mermaids?? Bah! How many kickstarter scams for cartoons that sounded unbearably twee have come and gone? How many stars risen and fallen? I remember when this site had a sizable userbase of meth enthusiast who just posted aesthic shots of their stash and rigs. Where are those crank aficionados now? Gone like so many others. And yet I remain! 

And when I tell you that twitter is worse than any of that you should heed my words!! 

#DO NOT CITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME WITCH#I WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN

“when needed”

In these trying times…

He held me, closely and gently as we lay together. His warmth felt real, and his voice took on the sound of love. I woke up, and it felt he was still there, even if he had never been.

*nods solemnly* Danny DeVito…

i have to be silly every day or my brain will start growing mold