The Cosmic Library

🌠(You may join if you’d like!)💫

🌹Golden Treasure in the desert

🌹Nostalgic flowery garden

🌹Alien Pastry served with glittery drinks

🌹A gallery with nebulae paintings on the walls

🌹Boardgame time with my Nerdmates

🌹Blue and purple glittery Corals

🌹A cosmic clock that looks like its made by elves

🌹The Faery Silver Choir

🌹Our Inner Velvet Darkness (the bottom of our wells)

🌹The Old Wizard’s Magical Office

🌹The Orchestra on Titanic

You held me there, up high

You loved me, and you held me high I laughed and giggled to the sky and you were always there beneath me, holding me up high

You cared for me, you loved me, deeply filled my soul and heart completely you were my light, my sun, my stars you held me there, up high

And all our laughs, and all our moments held me later through the torments though, I didn’t know this yet, that you would let me go

No, all I knew was love, completely, sore and tender, light and deeply I sparkled diamond, shone like sun my life was moments, pure and fun

I was my self, all through and hole, I was alligned and with my soul, you held my hand, my love for you evolved, and shone, and grew

So there I was, confused, completely when that day arrived, you deeply cut our bond, your eyes were shame and things were not the same

I started, as all children do, to seek and look and search for you, where had you gone? All by yourself? Without me in your hand?

My mind would look with childrens eyes; my favorite place, I liked to hide; the closet with the clothes that carried smells of you and I but you had chosen darkest side; betrayal, sorrow, lies.

I searched for you for many years my heart closed down; as did my tears, and sorrow was my signature, my closest friend was shame

I tried to change to get you back, from colored world, to darkest black, I never found your eyes again, to brimm they filled with shame They never were the same

Until your last year came.

You left me cause your firm belief was; heart and body carried grief I’m not of worth, not worth to live, to her I cannot give.

But you were wrong, you see, I know! I know cause now I hear your love, and now my mission is to know that I am not alone.

Your love, it gives me ground and core it keeps me tender, loving, sore, for I will take the vow to do the opposite of you

- To love myself all through, completely through the core of me, all deeply I will never do, what you did - never let me go;

No, I will hold myself up high, I hear her giggle to the sky, and I am always there, beneath her, holding her up high

I care for her, I love her, deeply I fill her heart and soul completely I am her light, her stars, the sun, I hold her there up high

This was what you could never do and now; my angel in the skies, you hold her with me there, between my heavy breaths and tears you're there again, without your fears, and you've made promise to my soul, that you will make me whole;

you'll never leave again and every night; a bedtime story when we meet in former glory in realms that I don't see, but where you now will be - and where you'll wait for me.

January feels AWESOME!!!’

The day I stopped waiting for you

I waited for you at the banks of the river

the one that’s made of gold and coal

I waited for you at the banks of the river

I was almost 36 years old.

I waited for you at the banks of the river

my vision clouded, I couldn’t see

that on these golden, wondrous river banks

stood an age-old willow tree

I waited for you at the banks of the river

and in time, you taught me to see

though it felt like a wind;

and I shivered of cold

my heart had to stretch and got paper thin

I waited for you at the banks of the river

then I realized that you were there

I waited for you at the banks of the river

i learned that you’re one with the air,

I waited for you at the banks of the river

You’re of power that pumps in my heart

then you helped me to see

that inside of this tree

were millions of glimmers of art

I waited for you at the banks of the river, though, I’d never have to wait,

cause through the wind and the glimmers of leaves, you said you had come to stay.

I waited for you at the banks of the river

you said; «I’ll never leave you again

now I am your true companion

I am your dearest, closest friend.»

Written for my father’s funeral

✨12/12/2023✨

Rest in Peace dad. I know I promised you to build a beautiful life here on Earth now that you are gone, and I promise that I will stay. I promise I will stay and do everything in my power to open my heart for Love and Joy. Please never leave me. Please be my Angel, right there, right beside me every single moment of my life. For I cannot live without you. Stay in my heart. Never leave me. I love you more than anyone. I love you.

God help me leave my heart open so that I may always feel his love and his presence.

I wish all my followers happy holidays ✨🙏❤️🌌🫶

Gradually, I let you go

Though my cosmic backyard stands

Decades has past;

it is still there;

Glimmering flowerbeds where the ground keeper

humms to the cosmic star flowers

as they dance in the rhythm of his song

meanwhile the fireplace with well used chairs

and carpets and furs,

with windows that covers the snow outside;

birds dancing in air, plucking seeds

all while this room has no roof

and the stars glimmers to me

tells me stories of old and of magical spheres;

this, is my home, this is the place where

I understand the world

that I am far away from

oh, how my task has always been

to come down to Earth,

and how hard it has been.

You see, I am succeeding,

and maybe therein lies the reason of

why I gradually let you go,

because I start to feel safe there.

But here - here is one of my

True Eternal Places;

Here - I can always exist and grow

and sing to the stars,

my own stories

maybe it is time

I start to share

And Now I’ll Let You Go

My strength is that I love you

You’ll never, truly know:

Obsessed by your devotion,

I cannot let it show

Inside me, she is, lurking

waiting for my fall;

the only thing that keeps her

free inside my walls;

are presence in my being,

The Truest Self of me;

the One that I kept hidden

before I could be free

She only trusts my presence,

the only one she knows;

she never got her safety

and truly - now, this shows:

addiction at its truest

obsessed of false illusions,

she never had a choice:

but I will stay all present

and lend her my true voice;

Dearest Earthlings of addiction

it’s possible to be

in self love and in safety,

to roam and dance, be free;

work and willingness are needed

and courage of the heart,

for trauma work is painful

all unique in its art

But you will not find this safety,

if you never start.

And back to start of poem,

these things I’ve said before,

but now I’m at the end, and

I want to add -one- more;

To my dearest diamond

to the one with sparkles of the shore;

My strength is that I love you,

you’ll never, truly know,

obsessed by your devotion

I will not let this show,

And now

I’ll let you go.

my dear love,

Thank you for all the spoken stars;

for your glimmering eyes;

in which I see your Boy, your sweet Boy

the one that ran away with me

to the Fields of Ocean,

where chaos reigned

and I let my Girl be on that boat,

oh how I did; I left her

on that shore

with you;

but you weren’t There