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Pure of Heart and Dumb of Ass

@sheepan274 / sheepan274.tumblr.com

she/her | 21 | Capricorn (Capriun for the homestucks) | INTP | Pansexual | Chaotic Good | Autistic | ADD | casually a stim blog but like not really | ask if you want something tagged | aro/ace inclusionist | @me about it i dare you
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veinitas

me when i see a cat: CAT! cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat

Fun fact: when I see cute animals, I forget English and automatically revert to my native Hungarian. I don’t know what bystanders make of me, reciting guttural gibberish to rabbits.

But the real question is, what are you SAYING to the rabbits? Is it ‘RABBIT! rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit bunny bunny bunny awww cute bunnyyyyy’?

Well, I usually say the Hungarian equivalent of ‘bun bun bun lil bun look at your tiny spoon-shaped ears awww bun brave little lawnmower bun’, but sometimes I say ‘hey rabbits, my sister’s gonna go to med school’ because I think everyone should know.

I live in Japan, and I always revert to English to talk to small animals, and I was cooing at this tiny little fluff machine of a puppy in baby english like “hello you’re so cute such a cute hello hello yess you’re good” and the 70 year old Japanese lady that was walking him started to *translate the baby talk english into Japanese* for her pup. She wanted to be sure he understood it too.

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wind-voice

ACCURATE.

I was at a pet store with Eileen. A woman walked up to us and asked if she could pet her. Eileen’s collar has ‘Deaf Dog’ embroidered on it. The lady asked about it, I confirmed, yes, she’s deaf. The lady immediately switched to American Sign Language and asked her how was her day, was she being a good girl, she’s so pretty. Eileen is wagging her tail excitedly, knowing that someone is talking to her.

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glumshoe

Can I offer you a nice mole in these trying times?

you sound like a starship’s central computer that has little grasp on what humans find enjoyable

that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me

PSA: Please don’t hold moles like that

I’m not “holding” the mole.

The mole bit the stick as I was saving it from a dog. When they bite down, they do not readily let go, and you are able to transport them to safety.

thank god you’re showing this because I was genuinely confused as to how you’re holding it lmao

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“..unspoken love is more tangible.” What? No is no ya fucken reprobate, have ye ever actually BEEN in love? If we’re in a relationship, and u dinny have the courage to tell me that shite, am packing the bags, how’s that for tangible. Is nae 7th grade, we submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known OUT LOUD lit fucken adults. Did no have this lonely childhood and existential crisis and spend all this money oan therapy no tae hear you tell me am worth this love out loud and am supposed tae ken because u hoovered the rugs last Saturday

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*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

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ailithnight

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

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yepperoni

this is my faviorite king of the hill joke and it’s only 5 seconds long and king of the hill isn’t on netflix anymore and it’s not free on amazon prime anymore either, so i had to rely on a dubbed anime website to find it 

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