reblog to give the person you reblogged from the strength to complete The Task™

Blood Red gown by Linda Friesen

inspired by boop day, reblog this post if its ok for people to send you random asks and interact on your posts with no judgement. i want to talk to people.

The most difficult part of hiding a sword, I imagine, would not be in the actual hiding, but in squashing down the phenomenal urge to tell absolutely everyone that you *HAVE* a SWORD

Me as a super cool secret agent: (leaning in to a stranger on the bus) hey I bet you can't guess how many awesome knives I have right now

(In my head) Don't tell them you're an assassin. Don't them you're an assassin. Killing people is bad. Don't tell anyone you're an assassin

(Out loud) Hey does anybody want to see a dead senator

ITS BEEN THREE YEARS AND I SWITCHED COMPANIES SO I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY

Okay so I was site security, right? And I was assigned two splits in my regular shift, all at different locations (which was, essentially, working 12.5 hours a day and only getting paid for 8, which I do not recommend) and on TOP of that I was also swinging a part-time position, so I was usually on about 6 hours of sleep and zero brain function

And I'm in between one location and another (by bus, because I cannot drive) when I realize OH FUCK ITS MY BEST FRIENDS BACHELORETTE PARTY TOMORROW

By the time I get off work everything will be closed and there will be no time in the morning, so I getcoff my bus a couple stops early and figure hey, pawn shops have cool weird shit, right? Great place for a neat gift, right?

And I walk in with just my backpack and my umbrella and proceed to buy a sword

And THEN i realize that it is about fifteen minutes until I'm due to punch in, and I have no time to stop by my place, and I'm a UNIFORM SECURITY GUARD, and I'm not allowed a fucking POCKET KNIFE and I'm about to bring a goddamn SWORD into a government building

So I just kinda. Jam one end into my umbrella and tie it to my backpack.

And it works. Nobody looks twice.

But for a solid four and a half hour I was stuck on patrol with a building full of very nice people making casual and professional small talk while I'm internally white-knuckling the insane urge to tell every person who comes up to me that HEY GUESS WHAT I SNUCK A SWORD INTO WORK DO YOU WANNA SEE IT

I did manage to keep a lid on it and get out consequence-free and the bride-to-be seemed delighted so it all ended up fine anyways, but still

(The hole in physical security was managed later.)

Before and after staining the wood:

Source

I didn’t trust it cause I couldn’t see any grain zooming in so I looked up his name and,

No he’s just that fucking good. Hyper-realistic is underselling it my dude. This is some wizard spell.

WOOD?!?!?!

So I rewatched Winter Soldier. Enjoy. 

Click for high res :)

Book | Patreon | Comic 

@catws-anniversary This is a classic!

Called out in the liquor section

the question, you see, is not ‘is it too ooc for this character to cry’ but rather ‘what circumstances would push this character to cry’

this is the whump wisdom, go forth and make that character cry

Hi! This is a rickroll. Please visit youtube dot com, type "never gonna give you up" in the search bar, then click on the first video that comes up. Thank you for your consideration.

Tumblr, 1 April 2024

(I will boop everyone who reblogs this post, for the record 💖)

Tumblr rn