Daddy Issues (Jackson Marchetti x Reader)
Hey! I've never written something like this before, but I just watched season 4 of Sex Education and It makes me so mad how underrated Jackson is, so i tried to write something about him. Hope you like it!
Warnings: Spoilers from season 4, mentions of death.
After the loss of your father, your mother couldn't afford living in your town anymore, so you two had to move to Moordale, and that also meant starting in a new high school in the middle of the year. You didn't put any objection because you knew that your mother was already facing enough at the moment, but you didn't know how to handle that many changes in such a short period of time. Now you were being introduced by your teacher to your new classmates in Cavendish, putting on your cool girl facade to cover up you were freaking inside.
"Pairs are already made, so you will work as a team with Jackson and Vivienne", the teacher said, pointing at the two on the first row. You nodded your head and gave them a sided smile. You immediately felt how your heart skipped a beat when Jackson returned your smile. Viv didn't say a word for a couple of minutes, too busy taking notes of the class, until she realized you were even quicker than her.
"How do you do that?"
"What do you mean?", you said in confusion.
"You have written every word she said, but i can't even put up with all her rambling", she said obviously annoyed. You smuffled a laugh.
"I can give you my notes after class so you won't miss anything", she smiled and nodded at you, before paying attention again to the class.
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Just like that, the three became a group of friends, studying after classes and sitting together at break time. You found with them a safe place in the chaos that was going on in your life. Also, you became more and more aware of your feelings for Jackson, cause anytime he would put an arm above your shoulders or would hug you goodbye, you would paralyzed as if you didn't know how to react. One day, you were in your room, waiting for Viv and Jackson to come and study for your coming Chemistry exam. You heard the bell ring and went to open the door.
"Hey y/n... you know i love how those grey sweatpants look on you, but maybe it's time to let them go", he said jokingly with a mischevious smile, nodding at the hole at the end of your old sweatpants.
"You enjoy the views too much. I would never do that to you", you tried to say without laughing, but failing at the end. That was how your friendship was, a joke there and then, but you always shrugged it off as just jokes. He laughed back and came inside, but then you realized Viv wasn't with him.
"Where's Viv?"
"Remember she told us she had a date with Beau?"
"Oh, you're right ", you slapped yourself from inside, and looked at him. Then you realized that it was the first time you were alone with him, without Viv by your side. The thought made you so nervous that you regretted making the plan in the first place.
"... So, are we going to your room to study or not?", he said confused, looking at you still wordless.
"Of course!", you said a little too high to your liking. "Did you brought the card notes we did in class with Viv?", you asked to change the subject, while going upstairs to your room. He nodded and showed them to you.
After an hour studying together, your mind became absent, paying more attention on his full lips than what he was actually talking about.
"y/n? Are you listening to me?", he asked. You blinked, not knowing exactly what was the right answer. After a couple of seconds, you finally gave up on searching for excuses.
"I am really trying to. Sorry, I think we should take a rest"
"You should have said it earlier. I wanted to gossip with you about this guy Viv is dating now", he said laying back in your bed. You laughed looking at him from your chair desk.
"Yeah, at first he seemed like a good guy but i feel like something is off with him, i'm not sure"
"Exactly!", he said in agreement. "I knew i couldn't be the only one that felt a weird vibe from this guy. He always shows up out of nowhere, is like he's Viv's shadow", he continued. You talked about it for half an hour, until you excused yourself to the bathroom. When you came back, Jackson was looking at a photo of your family. It was from the old days, when your parents took you to a theme park. You were posing with an ice cone in your hand, while your dad was hugging you from behind. Jackson immediately took a step back from the photo when he realized you were back, knowing that was a sensitive topic for you.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on anything..."
"Don't worry", you cut him off. "Usually, when I think of him it hurts so much that i can feel it in my chest", you said, standing next to him, both of you looking now at the photo. "But this photo brings me back to that day and gives me some kind of comfort", you explained, trying to keep a neutral tone, not wanting him to notice any sign of sadness in your voice.
"I know it's an awful reasurance but try thinking how lucky you were having him by your side all those years", he said in a soft voice, looking at you in the most tender and loving way. You felt the touch of his knuckles against yours, and felt your heart doing flips inside your chest. By instinct, you almost immediately broke apart the touch and turned around.
"You know what? I think we may have more in common than we thought at first. Like the daddy issues, for example", he said trying to lighten the mood, but caughting you out of guard.
"What do you mean?", you asked confused. He sat next to you in your bed. He started playing with his fingers, too nervous to look you in your eyes.
"Do you remember the lump i found out in my testicle?"
"Yeah, but the doctor told you it was nothing to worry about, right?", you asked worringly.
"I know, but it still made me want to meet the sperm donor. So i called the clinic, but they told me they don't have any information about me or my mother", he said, still looking everywhere but you. You grabbed his hand, trying to calm him down. He looked at you surprised and smiled. "I have tried talking about it with my moms, but they still refuse to give me an answer. I know they are hiding something"
"How can i help you?", you asked without any hesitant. He looked at the time in his phone.
“Right now there’s no one in my house. Do you wanna come with me to search for some clues?”
“Sure”
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You searched for god knows what in drawers and wardrobes of the whole house, his mothers bedroom the only room left. You looked at Jackson, asking without words if he wanted to cross that door. He nodded as he turned the door knob. You were trying to find something beneath the bed, while he was looking inside various drawers, until he saw a letter. He sat next to you on the floor, reading together that cheesy and even gross letter from a man called Jerome to his mom Roz. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were reading something you weren’t supposed to, but it was something important for him so you stayed quiet. He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, looking at the letter so intensely like he could make a hole in the paper just by his stare.
“Do you wanna pay him a visit?”, he looked at you, a scary look in his eyes.
“I don’t know… I mean, yes, I want to, but I don’t know how to tell this guy that he may be my father”, he answered lowly, almost a whisper.
“We will figure it out”, you simply said, resting your head on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, feeling how all his muscles relaxed when he breathed out and rested his head over yours.
__________________
You two found the address in the letter. Jackson looked at you, almost shaking. You grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them reassuringly. “I will be waiting for you right here. It will be okay”, you said in a soft voice. He nodded and let go of your hands. You watched how he approched the house hesitantly. You saw how a bald black man with a beard opened the door, and how Jackson was gesturing towards him, probably trying to explain the situation. Suddenly, the man closed the door abruptly. You couldn’t see Jackson’s face, but he stayed still in front of the door, not moving an inch. You started walking towards him, until you were behind him.
“Jackson”, you said, but didn’t got any answer. “Jackson”, you repeated, trying to touch his shoulder. He flinched at the touch and pulled away. You started to hear his deep breaths. “Jackson, please, look at me”, you said worried, making an effort to not touch him again and give him the space he needed. He turned around slowly and you could feel your heart ache when you saw his state. He had his eyes closed, probably trying to calm himself down, breathing erratically, his whole body trembling. You could see a painful expression on his face while he was touching his chest. You knew he suffered from anxiety but as far as you knew, in the last year he was handling it pretty well. Until now, that he was probably having an anxiety attack.
“Okay, don’t worry”, you said, almost as if you were reassuring yourself more than him, cause you didn’t really know how to help him. “I’m here, ‘kay? I’m here with you”, you said in a smooth voice, touching his shoulders slighty. He didn’t answer but didn’t step back either, so you gave him a caress along his arm until you were grabbing his hand. “Do you want to sit down?”, still no answer, but he let you guide him to sit down in the pavement in front of the house.
“He-he told me to g-go away”, he managed to say after a couple of minutes, still breathing heavily. He dropped his head backwards, looking at the sky. You placed yourself in front of him, caressing his arms up and down.
“That’s his lost. But before talking about it, I need you to try breathing normally. Will you breath with me?”, then he finally looked at you, the vulnerability and panic in his eyes making you feel like you could set that house on fire just to reassure him a little bit. He nodded slightly as you grabbed his hand to put it above your chest, and the other one above his. “Do you feel how calm is my pulse? I need you to steady yours as well. Breathe in”, you could feel his hands trembling behind yours, but he still followed your instructions. “Now, breathe out”, for a couple of minutes, you just stayed like that, breathing together, looking into each other’s eyes. Finally, he calmed himself down, but still didn’t let go of your hands.
“Thank you”, he whispered, letting his forehead rest against yours. You smiled.
“I got you”, you said back. It felt like you could stay like that for hours. "You were right after all. We both have daddy issues”, you joked. He shook his head, trying not to laugh.
“I told you so”, he said, kissing your knuckles.
