Iโve thought about making a post like this for a while, but I was honestly too afraid to do so. Okay, more like terrified because if certain people ever find it, Iโm screwed. But here we go.
Iโm Lavi. Iโm 23, severely depressed and anxious, and probably have more than a few other mental illnesses by this point. Iโm also transgender. I came out to my family 4 years ago, but they still havenโt accepted me. They misgender me constantly and refuse to change no matter how many times I ask them.
I have beenย โconvincedโ to take a college course that I have no interest in because it was what my mother wanted me to do. The first attempt resulted in me having a breakdown and admitting myself to the hospital because I knew if I waited any longer, I was going to kill myself.
Despite this, I was once againย โconvincedโ to go back and finish the course. Which is where I am currently. However, itโs barely been a month and Iโm back to the same point I was then. I do not want to do this course, and even just thinking about it makes my anxiety so bad I want to puke.
I have also beenย โconvincedโ to put off getting my license because itโs notย โpracticalโ for my mother.
And thereโs nothing I can say to anybody at this point that will make them change their mind about me doing this. So my only option is to leave. I canโt stay here for much longer. I literally feel anxious and terrified every time I have to talk to either of my parents, and thatโs no way to live.
And before you try to suggest other things, I want to give you a little more insight into how things have been/are for me.
My mother has hit me before, threatened to injure me more times than I can count, broken some of my things, guilt tripped and gaslighted me my whole life. My father is drunk 90% of the time heโs not working. He has passed out while cooking, holding a cigarette, with a glass in his hand. So many ways that could have ended with the apartment catching fire or me getting hurt.
The point is: I need help. I probably only have about $500 to my name-and thatโs after scrounging up change left around the apartment for months-and no way of actually getting out of here.
I hate asking, but Iโm truly desperate. Anything would help at all. Literally anything. Even if itโs less than $1, Iโll be eternally grateful.ย
I set up a ko-fi page, if anyone is willing to help.ย If youโd like to use my direct paypal instead itโs: papalavibookman@gmail.com
I donโt really have much to offer, but I am more than willing to write drabbles for anybody who helps. All I ask is that you send me a message here, off anon, so we can talk about it.
Thank you so much.
TL;DR - Iโm in a very abusive situation and need to leave as soon as possible, any help is much appreciated.
