In the wake of the pandemonium sprung upon the Witcher fandom this weekend, I’d like to propose Netflix’s alternate strategy:
As the show gets further and further from the books and games, they change Geralt’s actor with increasing frequency. No one in the show questions it and eventually Netflix stops announcing when they’re bringing on a new actor.
At the end, in the final episode of the final season, after 7+ actors have played Geralt, we’ve made it to the climactic battle. After hours of holding the enemy off single-handedly (and I mean this literally) Ciri calls for Geralt’s help. Cue dramatic music and moody lighting. From out of the fog steps out every actor who has played Geralt in full costume. There’s five seconds of silence eventually broken by Jaskier screaming In the background,: “I told you he changed! I’m not crazy!”
The directions for the rest of the episode reads like a poorly done high school drama parody (bad fighting, deadpan delivery, whatever fate they give Geralt, all the actors have to stand in a line and deliver the same lines before it happens). All the characters treat this as if it’s totally normal.
While we’re all still reeling, the end credits begin and Netflix starts with a sweet message thanking everyone who helped makes this series. Then, right before the credits cut to black, a small message pops up, thanking the fans for their support of the Witcher Parody, and lists that the faithful book adaptation starring Henry Cavill will start releasing next month.
Tumblr implodes once word reaches that Netflix has successfully pulled off the greatest long con in entertainment history.
