shake the excess

I always find a way to judge you somehow, at least this time you’re making it easy for me. I kind of understand, I’d want to protect Darcy if anybody was really messing with her – but come on, I’d give her a fair crack at taking care of herself, first, you better do the same for me. You just want an excuse to leave HIU, don’t you? What’s wrong, are you not the golden boy there yet?

Hey, the more things I can make easy for you, the more big brother points I earn - that’s how it works, right? You’ve got the first swing at anyone, don’t worry about that. I just want you AND ANY BOYS READING THIS ON THE INTERNET to know that I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU. Psh, what? Nah. I mean, the hazing at this frat is kind of crazy, but asking for them to take it easy on me feels like special treatment so like, it’s fun? The normal college experience and whatever. But hey, maybe I just miss my little sister! That’s not that inconceivable, is it, Spider Monkey?

You don’t have to tell me that, but I mean, I am an actress. I could definitely help you on working on having a better, subtler reaction if people ask you invasive questions in the future. Now I’m just imagining Queen Persephone bald and that’s a pretty funny mental image, not going to lie. Do you think she’d still look nice in a crown? Cersei Lannister looked nice in a crown when her hair got short, even if she was completely bonkers. I’d love to play a crazy role like that someday. Archie doesn’t seem to be the biggest fan of my family, or of anyone really, but thanks for the suggestion. If I ever have to tell him anything I’ll remember to go opposite day on him to get the results I want. If it’s really the spring musical, it’s not a shame at all – you’ll get to see us perform the real thing live. It’s not like you were going to be there watching auditions anyway.

I thank you for the acting advice, I guess, but I’m good! All I need to do is answer truthfully every time, right? And the intention will read through? I really don’t want to imagine Aunt Persephone, like, actually bald - it feels like bad karma, but yeah, she’d probably still look elegant and queenly no matter what, even if she got a mohawk or something. A crazy role, like Lady MacBeth? She’s like one of the most famous theater crazies, right? Yeah, no, I definitely wouldn’t be at auditions unless I was invited, or something, but cool! I expect I’ll be seeing you as Sandy, yes?

Of course, I’m always looking for new stories! News never sleeps, after all. You’re right, though; Z belongs on BeastFeed, but people read that like way more often than they read the school paper. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have something more in that style? In arts and entertainment, of course, not like on the front page or anything. You’re so smart, Adam. It’s like how bad things have to happen to really appreciate the good ones; surprises have to come along and shake life up sometimes to make it as good as it can be. I’m not sure, I feel like she’s been using Grandpa Hades as a warning for as long as I can remember. He is kind of scarier than your average grandpa. You’re the sweetest,, I’m so lucky I have the best boyfriend in the whole kingdom.

To make the school newspaper more BeastFeedy? Maybe! I mean, people seem to like it, right? So long as the content didn’t suffer - and I know with you in the thick of things the odds of that are slim to none - I don’t see any harm in keeping up with the trends. The more people that read your stuff the better, after all! Thanks, Dory - I’m glad you appreciate keeping things in perspective. After all, the dark is what makes the light that much brighter, and so on and so forth. “Grandpa Hades” in itself is a terrifying phrase - kindly words like grandfather shouldn’t be so closely juxtaposed with the notion of such villainy, but hey, all of our family trees are a little interestingly weird by now; do you think he’d give me preferential treatment when I get to Hades for being the best boyfriend to you, or am I going to have to spend eternity with everyone else in some weird river?

On this day, the seventeenth day of April in the year 2017, I, Princess Sawyer of Agrabah, Older Sibling and Heir to the Agrabah Throne, and Student Body President of Auradon Preparatory School, hereby second the motion that Prince Adam of the Realm of Auradon will make an excellent king someday.

And on this day, I, Prince Adam of the Realm of Auradon, Older Sibling and Heir to the throne of our good kingdom Auradon, Former Study Body President and Tourney Captain of Auradon Prepatory School and Current Pledge to the Alpha Chi Omega Fraternity of History Island University, hereby thank Princess Sawyer for her kindness and - hopefully - intelligently placed faith in me. 

They are real, though, I’ve looked online and she’s definitely not the only one using them. Although that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have been the one to make them up; what if my little sister is this amazing trendsetter? I could write a profile about her for the paper and tell the world about how creative she is if that’s the case. If you’re the one sitting on it, probably not – do you ever fall for her tricks, or do you know her too well by now? I’d definitely like that! Mom says that we shouldn’t go up too high or Hades might try to punish us for getting too far away from him, but I think she might have just made that up. I like that the world’s on my side! I wish you got the same freedom to choose whatever you want to do, but you’re going to be a great king, I just know it.

It wouldn’t surprise me. You and your sister are capable of pretty much anything, if you ask me - I’ve always thought so. Does that mean you’re looking for a next article topic, though? Because, don’t get me wrong, Zira and her trendsetting could be a fun paper, but it feels more BeastFeed than school journalism, doesn’t it? Janelle still catches me off guard once in a while, but that just makes life more fun. If we were able to predict everything that happened, there’d be less problems but less moments to remember too, I think. Yikes! How old were you when she first laid that Hades-line on you? It sounds like a scary story meant to keep kids from falling off towers. Aww, thanks, hun. Honestly, I can’t imagine doing anything else at this point, and it’s not exactly like I’m missing out, but I appreciate the sentiment. Getting to see you achieve all your hopes and dreams is more than good enough for me.

Why are you imagining Sawyer’s pajamas? No, don’t answer that; just please tell me you’ve imagined Pandora in pajamas or even without them on, too. She’s Cupcake’s best friend, family bonds say I’m supposed to watch her back or something. It happens to old people! What year are you planning on going bald, your highness? I really hope it’s not before you’re 45. That’s kind of early but you’ve got a stressful job ahead so I’ll give you some leniency. I mean, I’d have on constant wigs for acting roles, I’d never actually walk around bald. Have you told him to try out? Maybe it would be a good outlet for his theatrics. They want to get to know you as a performer. Catering to the Grease theme doesn’t show off your personal flair at all. It’s up to you to prove your range in your song choice so they know you’d knock Grease out of the park, too.

Oh, Beast, no, that’s not what I meant - I hadn’t thought about her sleepwear before you said anything, I swear! But as for the Pandora part, I really don’t think I have to tell you that, Cupcake’s sister or no, that’s really none of your business. You don’t need to watch my girlfriend’s back for anything, I promise. I’m not “planning” on going bald, both my father and my biological mother still have plenty of hair, I’m just saying I wouldn’t judge someone for going bald at whatever age they are, everybody’s different. I think you could rock a bald dome too, if you ever changed your mind in the future. No, no, with Archie telling him to do something is usually good enough to make sure he’ll never do the thing, ever. Maybe you could suggest it sometime. Oh. That makes sense, I guess. Shame, though. Grease has some killer songs. I love that Greased Lightening one!