d e v o t i o n — ☆

“When e go out?” Nathan asked raising a brow, “what ideas have you got in your head, Miss Rivas?” He asked leaning forward slightly with a smirk in her direction, he knew that realistically she’d never want to do that but it was still intriguing for her to suggest. “I don’t claim to be an expert  on the American accent, I claim to know what my country sound’s like.” He laughed shaking his head, “I’m not even going to attempt it. I haven’t picked it up at all.” He shrugged at her, “you say sit put up with it like I don’t just sit there and nod for hours.” He smirked reaching out to pull her closer taking full advantage of that fact that she was giving him exactly what he constantly craved from her.  It was times like these where he realised just how lucky that he was, they were always supportive of each other and even more so when it counted. Especially now. “Oh you think I would let anyone?” He asked laughing loudly, “there is no way I’m ever letting anyone with pencils near my face now.” He said still laughing shaking his head. “But I would pay good money to see you kick ass.” He then nodded still laughing through his words his expression changing to a smirk. “Well, it seems you’re far too late to make that claim.” He said pulling a teasing face again, “according to your theories anyway.” Back out in the traffic he leant his head on his fist, his elbow on the side of the car as they drove, his head turned to her as she talked. He knew that it would be a while before they started moving properly and that driving in an environment like NYC was hazardous at best so he didn’t go to bother her too much unless she asked. His grin broke out of her face as he turned to her fully, “what? Does it bother you?” He teased her reaching a hand across the seats to squeeze her knee ever so slightly. “You really shouldn’t be so sensitive, my love.” He said slowly smirking across as her. Watching as she put on her display he laughed at her joining in on the words that he knew- not that he was particularly an expert. “A karaoke bar? I don’t know, I think I’d probably make a fool of myself. You can pull it off, I can’t.” He laughed with her. “I don’t think so.” He shook his head still laughing relaxing a little more as the roads became less busy.

"Absolutely none," Lacey replied certainly, the smirk on her face betraying her. It wasn't like she'd never done anything risky like that before, but ever since her career had taken off, she had thought it best not to land any scandals like that. "You can't judge me if you won't even give it a go yourself!" she scoffed, laughing along with him. Honestly, she just wanted to hear how ridiculous he would sound trying to impersonate her; she knew her own attempt at him wasn't very good. "Isn't that exactly what I do when you talk science?" Lacey pointed out, smiling at him. The pair of them were on very different paths, and yet it had never seemed like a big deal. Sure, Lacey occasionally worried that she wasn't smart enough for him, that he would rather be with someone who could actually keep up with him, but she knew wholeheartedly that he loved her. What they had was special, meant more to her than anything else ever had. "I would be really concerned if you just let someone shove something up your nose. You're weird, but you're not that weird," she giggled. "I could totally kick ass. I've done boxing classes. I can so protect my man." Smiling, she happily gave him another kiss. "It feels kind of mean to break up with the guy with a crayon up his nose, though," she said, as if she would ever really leave him for something as small as that. She didn't want to leave him at all. As they slowly made their way out of the city, Lacey tried to make some conversation to distract from how long it could take to get through the constant traffic. With his hand moving to her knee and his purposeful choice of words, she tilted her head back against the headrest, briefly flicking her eyes to his. "You are such a tease," she whined. "I don't do this to you." On reconsideration of the numerous times she had, in fact, teased him worse, she smiled guiltily. "On second thought, I know what you're going to say, so don't even go there." Lacey couldn't help herself from singing along to the radio – she did often, especially when she was driving, and she loved that it amused Nate. She absolutely loved making him laugh. "Oh come on! It doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself – it's all just for fun! Maybe I'll get some of the girls – you can just watch, if you don't wanna get up on stage. You gotta remember, I'm used to looking ridiculous on stage, so it doesn't really bother me anymore." As much as she loved being in fashion, she sometimes really didn't understand it. Still, it was actually a lot of fun getting to dress up in things she would never dream of wearing otherwise. With all the craziness of it all, Lacey loved getting home again, and as they finally made it to the suburb she knew so well, she immediately felt a sense of ease. In all honesty, she didn't know whether her idea was going to help him at all, not like it did with her, but she could only hope. "Close your eyes, babe," she instructed once they were getting close, soon pulling into a free parking space and switching off the engine. She took her keys and climbed out the car, rounding over to the passenger side and opening his door. "Keep them closed. Just trust me," she said softly, taking his hand and guiding him along. She figured he would likely be able to guess where they were from the smell of the ocean and the sound of the water, but she still wanted to surprise him as she led him out to a nice view of the beach she had grown up with, squeezing his hand as she said, "Open."

Nathan laughed quietly watching her expression change, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He told her the smirk still on his face as he raised a brow back at her, “though if you’re trying to convince me to you know, leave the house I can tell you that you’re going in the wrong direction.” He teased her, “no but I definitely don’t need to know to that, that wasn’t an impression of anything and it was just bad.” He chuckled at her shaking his head. “Well, I’m not biased or anything but I’d take a kiss from you anytime.” He replied leaning forward ever so slightly, “and I think it would be weird if you didn’t want to punch me at least some of the time. You’d be a saint to put up with me totally.” He finished laughing lowly as his eyes flicked down to her lips. Despite the events of the morning Nate wasn’t feeling as bad as he probably should. Of course, it was still on his mind and he was still worried but being with his girl just distracted him enough to not be fretting too much about what he was going to do. Weirdly, he felt as though he had such control over what he was going to do. Because she was distracting him he’d worked out his plan and there was nothing to do until tomorrow where he[d figure out his route home and talk to his consultant about where he was going to go next.  And of course they wouldn’t even have appointments until the following week or two so again there was nothing to do so he may as well have fun with her, like going out today. He knew that deep down but if he wasn’t here he’d probably be moping. “I don’t doubt it.” He replied his eyes still scanning her face as his thumb touched her face softly. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her accusation laughing shaking his head at her. “You think you’re so funny.” He laughed with her, “I might just let you think that seen as it entertains you so much.” He teased his expression still being a grin at her. “Salty?” He repeated pulling his face at her as he patted his pockets making sure that he had everything. Maybe it was because Nathan’s head was far too logical but he never did well with guessing clues. Nate was a little surprised that she wanted to drive. Even he who classed himself as a decent driver avoided NYC traffic, in London it was easier because he knew the roads but not here. He didn’t say anything about her driving he only smirked just a little holding back his teasing comments. From the direction they were going and now, how long they were going to be he’d worked out that much - that they were going to her hometown but that was about it. “You can’t entertain yourself?” He asked teasingly, “how could I possibly help to entertain you, my love?”

"Maybe I'm trying to convince you to try to convince me to do something we shouldn't when we go out," she replied, holding her expression for only a few seconds before she began to laugh. Lacey was flirtly with Nate, for sure, but she was way too nervous about getting caught to fool around when they didn't have total privacy. "I think you're being way too harsh. Show me your American accent, if you're such an expert on these things," she challenged him. A smile on her lips as he leaned in slightly, she rested her hand on his cheek, tilting her chin up. "I am. But you put up with all my fashion stuff, so I think we're even," she stated, closing the distance between them with a slow kiss. Lacey was glad to see him not freaking out too much over his situation, but she figured it was probably a different story in his head. As long as she could give him some goodness whenever they were together, make him smile and laugh and remind him how loved he was, Lacey would have a handle on it, too. He'd been there for her when she really needed it, and she was going to be just the same for him. At his reaction to her theory, Lacey beamed up at him, laughing with him. "Oh, babe, you know I wouldn't let anyone do it to you now. I might not look it, but I can totally kick some ass." She ran her hand down his back and tapped his ass, not exactly proving her point but hoping to make him smile nonetheless. "Besides, I don't really want to date the guy with the crayon up his nose," she added with another laugh. When he didn't immediately figure it out from her clue, Lacey was rather pleased with herself. Nathan was so smart, she liked to have one up on him for a change. It wasn't long before the city traffic began to annoy her; she had grown up a good distance away from the centre that it wasn't normally an issue. But from her apartment, it was slow going – at least they had each other to keep them company. "For one, you can wait 'til we get out to call me that again 'cause you know it makes me want to kiss you and I'm pretty sure you don't want me to crash this car trying," she said, giving him a fond smile. She turned the radio up when a song she liked started playing and she happily sang along, putting on a show for him as she dramatically sang to each song, clearly not caring who looked through the windows whenever they got stuck in traffic. Lacey just wanted to make him smile; she was always wanting to make the people around her happy. "You know what we should do? We should go to a karaoke bar," she suggested with a grin once they finally made it through the busiest streets, their journey none too difficult onwards. "I don't know about you, but I think I'd be a hit."

“Maybe as a joke, but not seriously.” He defended himself laughing along with her. He had never hidden how he felt about her, especially how much he wanted her in that way. “I’m not sure I’d ever be that brazen about it.” He added still laughing a little under his breath. “That was not British.” He teased shaking his head, “Nobody born in Britain has ever sounded like that.” He added still teasing her as he pulled a face as he spoke. “Just because you hear it all the time it doesn’t make you an expert. You stare at the sky every night it doesn’t make you an expert in space.” He pointed out in his usual ‘know all’ fashion. He heard her try to assure her and he knew that as much as he was panicking right now, she’d also be panicking and whatever the consequences of what they’d find she’d be there. He wouldn’t blame her for leaving but he knew deep down that she wouldn’t leave. He made a vow looking down at her, right then and there that if it were the Alzhiemer’s, that he’d make her go. He’d find a way to make her leave so she could remember him like this not as a man that didn’t know himself. His arms wrapped around her waist as he held her his eyes flicking over her face. “Well if you think so, it must be true.” He said lightheartedly running a thumb down the side of her face softly. “Well I think you could guess, I was the kid who knew everything. I’m still a kid that knows everything.” He teased with a side smirk at her. He kissed her a little harder, wanting the moment of content to last a little longer before he pushed further into finding out what this was. “No, let’s go then.” He nodded his head taking her hand to pull her towards the door, “you’re ready to go though right?” He asked not turning from her but walking backwards towards the front door. “Do I at least get a clue of what it is?”

“Maybe I’d like you to be,” Lacey countered with a challenging raise of her eyebrows. She wasn’t exactly expecting him to fall for it, not now anyway, but she couldn’t stop herself nonetheless. “Have you spoken to every person born in Britain?” she quipped, rolling her eyes at his typical response. “You know, sometimes when you speak, I’m torn between wanting to kiss you and wanting to punch you.” While she hadn’t worked out just how, Lacey was determined to find a way to help ease him through what he was going through. She doubted there would be anything that could really make him feel entirely better, but if she could be with him as much as possible and take his mind off things, even for a short while, she would feel like she had made a difference. “I’m secretly a genius,” Lacey nodded, her smile softening as his thumb touched her cheek. “You were a giant dork and– ooh, I know! Someone elseshoved the crayon up your nose ‘cause they thought you were a nerd!” She laughed excitedly, kissing him back with as much force. He might be been a nerd, but he was her nerd. Letting him lead her to the door, she grabbed her phone and her keys on the way, tilting her head as she considered a clue she could give. “Salty,” was all she offered, locking up her apartment behind them and giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. They rode the elevator down and she took him out to where she kept her car; Lacey rarely drove herself, but it felt more personal to take him out in her car than get someone to drive them instead. Besides, she was perfectly capable of doing it herself – though almost backing into a pole on her way out didn’t exactly help her case. “God, I hate New York traffic,” she muttered after not very long at all, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “Entertain me,” she requested, fiddling with the radio for a moment before glancing across at him with a smile. “We’ve got, like, forty-five minutes, at least. And that’s the last clue you’re getting from me.” Turning her eyes back to the road, she flicked her indicator on at a corner, heading them in the direction of her hometown, sure he could easily join the dots.

“Um, I don’t think I’ve ever said that. Not even once.” He laughed as he was teasing shaking his head , “I’ve thought it but I’ve not said it.” He mumbled the last part now making fun of himself more than anything. “And what even is that?” He laughed at her mimicking his accent, “that doesn’t even sound remotely British.” He teased her poking her in the side equally as playfully. Nathan wasn’t used to being in a panic mode it rarely happened so he wasn’t sure how to calm himself down never mind the people around him- though it seemed as though Lacey was dealing with it pretty well. “There’s no point, they can’t prove or disprove anything definitively. So they just don’t run them ever.” He mumbled staring out of the window not really looking at his girlfriend. But it was still better than thinking about what had happened. Nate knew that she was right, that the sooner he got back and did the tests the better, but honestly, he was scared. He was terrified of what they were going to find. Not that he’d tell her that out loud, though maybe she knew it and he wouldn’t have to. Or he hoped as much. She turned to him and he looked back at her raising a brow as she started her joke, by the end the side of his mouth was quirking just a little, “oh please, do I seem like I would have been the type of child to shove things up my nose?” He asked teasing her right back. The quirk on the side of his lips stayed there as she made her declaration and he was quick to reply, “I love you too.” He said lifting a thumb and running it across her cheek, “I hate that this is happening after everything.” He said softly his eyes flicking over her face. A soft smile grew on his face as she talked nodding softly, “well I’m not going to promise, I might be brain dead by then.” He joked though pretty drily, “But for now, I guess I can go along with your plan.” He said with a short smile. “I know, I appreciate it, sweetheart.” 

“I’m totally sure you have,” Lacey smiled at him, though he was right: even if he hadn’t said it, he had definitely thought it. She didn’t blame him; she completely agreed. “That was totally British! I should know, I mean, I listen to you talk all the time. I’m practically an expert by now,” she said assuredly, despite her attempt at his accent truthfully not being that good. Still, it had made him laugh, which had been the point all along. “Okay, well, it’s okay,” she said weakly; she didn’t know what else to tell him. Out of the two of them, Nathan was the best at staying calm and keeping a rational hold on things. He was smart, and she trusted him to be the one to keep things grounded. Perhaps now she would have to find the strength to help be that for him instead. At her attempt at a joke to help lighten his mood, Lacey smiled as it seemed to work at least a little. “I don’t know, I didn’t know you as a child, did I?” she countered, though really, he didn’t seem like one to do such a thing. At least, he wouldn’t admit it, anyway. “It’s not your fault, babe. We’re gonna be okay.” The timing was awful, but there was nothing they could do about it except hope it would all work out for the best. “Hey,” she chastised at his dry attempt at humour. “You’re gonna be fine, babe.” Giving him a gentle kiss, Lacey smiled at him again. “You’re gonna love it, okay? It’s always been my favourite place to go when I need some space. You don’t mind a bit of a drive, do you? It’ll totally be worth it, I promise.”

“Well, congratulations it’s your day off.” Nathan teased with a short laugh at her leaning to kiss her forehead with with a lot of affection. Nathan knew that no matter waht the verdict was or what the result was that she’d be there and she’d do her best to handle the situation. But that didn’t stop his need for space as he panicked, it wasn’t personal, he just needed to think and not immediately go to a dark place and become sad about it. Even if he couldn’t come up with a solution - it was impossible. He still needed to sort it out in his mind. “Of course, but you can’t do extensive studies without subjects.” He spoke evenly- surprisingly for how much his mind was whirring trying to find an answer that wasn’t there. He couldn’t imagine losing his mind and memory to Alzheimer’s not when he was so sharp now. He’d hate to watch himself degrade like that, he’d hate to think of his family watching him degrade like that. He was so tense, he could feel his muscles physically contracting until she slipped her arms around him and he relaxed just a little, despite him running away he was grateful for the contact it grounded him quickly and made him listen to her questions and- actually did enable him to make a plan and sort of sort things out in his head. “I go home at some point and they poke and prod my head some more.” He said with a sigh,  he didn’t really know what the tests would be so there was no point worrying about it that much. “I’ll look at plane tickets tomorrow, or something.”  He thought out-loud before turning to her. “Lets have today, I don’t want to think about it.” He said with a soft smile. “It’s just a pain in my head for now. And, I know it sound’s really bad but, that doesn’t mean it’s the worst. It’ doesn’t mean it’s the Alzheimer’s.” He said that knowing that would be the worst for her, the worst fro him would be his memory degrading- his eidetic memory made him, it was him, it was how he made his name. Losing that would be like losing part of his identity. But saying that out loud and facing that fact, wasn’t something he was ready to face, not even now. 

“Please, I never get a day off. Even when we’re not even in the same place, you’re like, oh my god, Lacey, take your clothes off,” she teased with an awful attempt at mimicking his accent, grinning as he kissed her forehead. Nate never pressured her, but she wasn’t wrong in saying there was a lot of physical stuff between them. Already as he began to panic, it was killing Lacey to see him like this; it would only grow worse as he went for further test. Whatever the outcome, she could no longer see it being a good one. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be as bad as it could be. “There aren’t even any little studies?” she asked, though even she understood that the more subjects there were, the more comprehensive the study. Slipping her arms around him, Lacey hoped to offer some level of comfort; she could feel how tense he was, could see it in his stance. Thankfully, her idea to try to get him to talk seemed to work like she had been hoping it would. “The sooner the better, babe,” she encouraged. She would hate to think things ended up worse just because he waited. As Nate turned to face her, Lacey lifted her head, nodding a little. “I bet I know what it is,” she said, offering a playful smile to let him know what she was about to say wasn’t serious. “You shoved a crayon up your nose when you were a kid and now it’s poking into your brain.” She wrinkles her own nose at the ridiculousness of her joke, leaning in to give him a kiss. Whether messing around was for the best or not, she didn’t know, but it was worth a shot. Moping around sure wouldn’t help. “I love you so much, you know?” she made sure he hadn’t forgotten since the last time she’d said it. “You need some girlfriend time. I know exactly where I can take you. And after -- well, I know what helps me when I have a headache, and I’m pretty sure you’ll like my cure.” Smirking, she kissed him again, sure he would catch her drift. “Anything you want, babe, you can have. Seriously. I know it won’t fix anything, but it’ll take your mind off it, at least.”

Nate laughed lowly as she walked away, “don’t tempt me, Rivas.” He teased, it’s not that it would be a waste of time to spend all day in bed with her, but he always thought that a day in NYC, especially when he didn’t live there, all of the time should be doing something. Listening to the other end of the call he held her close. Keeping her as his anchor so he couldn’t fly off the other end from the news that the doctor on the other end of the call was giving him. It certainly was good news that he was giving him, but the alternatives to what this was were even worse- to him anyway. Sure, the physical problems would have been more noticeable and more urgent and a lot faster. but the thought of him slowly slipping away was among his worst fears. Suddenly, once the news had set in his mind he needed air, space. She was asking him questions but he could only really half hear her. Pulling away from her he braced his hands on her kitchen counter. The buzzing numb feeling in his temple coming back with vengeance the ball of his arm rubbing his temple as she talked he stuttered a little as he grasped his words. “Well yeah, they don’t know much about eidetic memories because they’re so rare and they’ve never been properly studied.” He explained, “so they don’t really know. But the Alzheimer’s runs in the family, dads side, not early onset but it’s always a possibility.” He said running his hand through his hair as he straightened again heading straight to a window to open it. He rarely got like this, he was normally calm and collected but this, this had gotten to him and he needed - well he didn’t know. “They don’t think so.” He replied shaking his head, “I don’t think so, I know that something is wrong.” He told her, it was a weird feeling knowing that. But he knew as soon as he felt it.

“I thought that was my job,” she replied teasingly, smiling back. Having spent her whole life in New York, Lacey didn’t share his same vision of the bustling city. To her, it was always just home. As she waited in his arms with an inner impatience, Lacey’s mind ran with possibilities. Whatever news he got was never going to be very good, though some options were definitely better than others. She wondered what she could possibly do to help him -- she was empathetic and nurturing, yes, but she wasn’t well versed in this sort of thing. She only wanted to help, and she was concerned she wouldn’t be able to do so with justice. When Nate pulled away from her, Lacey’s heart was struck with a pang of hurt; she bit down on her lip to stop it quivering as she watched him knead his temple. She refused to cry again right now. “If they’re rare, wouldn’t people want to study them?” she pointed out reasonably. From what she learnt from Nathan and his friends, she knew scientists were naturally curious people, and it didn’t entirely make sense to her that they didn’t know more about his gift. As he added the part about Alzheimer’s in his family history, she cursed under her breath. That was not what she wanted to hear. Losing him like that seemed impossibly difficult, and in all honesty, she questioned whether she would be able to handle it. She was having trouble dealing with him now, his calm demeanor slipping as he headed for the window. Lacey gave him space for a moment, let him speak, before quietly stepping up behind him, sliding her arms around his stomach and pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “Okay,” she murmured, trying to remain collected for him. “So what happens next? You go home for more tests?” she asked, hoping that sticking to facts would help relax him. 

Nathan was surprised when he got with Lacey, he had to scold himself for being so judgemental but he imagined that she’d be a lot less with it than she was. Before she got to know her he thought that she would be somewhat of an airhead but he was wrong. Sure she wasn’t a scientist by any means but she could keep up with most of his conversation topics and they never failed for something to talk about. She smiled as she delivered her message with kisses in between her words, the sentiment made him smile into her mouth. Nate was in denial a lot, but one thing that he never denied was how much calmer he was when he was with her. He was so much more at peace already, he wasn’t sure what it was when he was with her specifically but when he was with her nothing could get to him. He was home. “Of course I do.” He remarked with a short snort of a laugh “but if you did we wouldn’t get anything done today so get back in there and get dressed.” He teased the palm of his hand colliding with her ass as she walked away. He answered the phone near immediately since it was just on the counter. The words being spoke to him were jumbled and he couldn’t process them, partly because of the shock, partly because the niggling in his temple had returned- he suspected that was in direct relation to the former. The person on the other end of the phone was still talking when Lacey came back into the room his hand automatically hooking around her shoulders and pulling her to him as she made affirmations on the phone. After a few minutes he put the phone down taking a deep breath he looked down at her and decided to reliever the good news first. “Well, no tumours, fractures, inflammation or abnormalities.” He said the words still very much buzzing around his head in a way that made him feel like he wasn’t actually speaking and that he wasn’t actually in his body. “So, basically they’ve narrowed it down to two things; early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s or some other degenerative disease. Or, my eidetic memory breaking down.”

Their differences were keeping Lacey at ease right now. By no means was she alright on the inside – her heart ached for Nate and the distressing situation he was in – but the way that he was able to look at things practically and keep relatively calm really helped her. She needed someone who was like that; aspects she wasn’t so strong in, he was. They created a perfect balance for each other, always learning from each other, and that’s what Lacey always thought being in a real relationship was about. Finding comfort and safety and excitement with someone who always wanted the best for you. “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she smirked, glancing over her shoulder when she felt him tap her ass as she walked away, giving a playful little giggle. It would be nice just to spend the day in bed, ignoring everything else, but that didn’t really seem like the best option, if she was honest. They couldn’t hide forever. Once she was dressed, Lacey was keen to offer him comfort as he got the phone call, holding onto him and hoping that she was making some kind of difference. She remained courteously silent until he hung up, waiting for him to speak first. “Oh thank god,” she exhaled quickly once he broke the best part of the news, her relief not quite so great when he continued. “Is that a thing that can really happen?” she asked; she had never really known much about his eidetic memory, aside that she was always impressed by everything he could recall just like that. Him losing it sounded impossible; she couldn’t even begin to imagine how the thought made him feel. As for the other options… well, Lacey didn’t know how she would be able to handle him losing his awareness in that way, as selfish as that sounded. “Can’t it just be something else? People get migraines all the time and it’s not anything as serious as that,” she said, desperate, realising just how obvious it was that she wasn’t any kind of scientist, just a hopeful girl who walked on sunshine and wanted the best for the ones she loved.

He laughed lightly at her remark “I can’t help it, I am diplomatic.” He defended himself gladly accepting every kiss that she gave him his hands anywhere on her body that she could reach. Whenever people saw them together it was remarked that on paper they were an odd pair. But Nathan would always argue that their differences brought them even closer together in some respects. They equally compared and contrasted in all the right ways to the point where although it was a very physical relationship, it had always ran much deeper than that. When they had parted Nathan, although he pretended that he was handling it well at the time, always felt like a part of him was missing whilst they weren’t together. It always amused Nathan that to him being in Europe didn’t necessarily mean that he was close to home, but because of the scale of Lacey’s country to her it wasn’t all that far. He nodded at her explanation “well like I say, don’t inconvenience yourself.” He repeated his fingertips still playing with her hair. The media wasn’t something they could avoid after their past and current career decisions but it was something that they could both handle. But if he could avoid it, then Nathan would. He was glad that things were drifting back to a normalish mode, if things weren’t going on he was sure that they’d be doing the same things even if they weren’t waiting for a phone call that would tell him if he had a tumour or not. Even if he wasn’t so sure it would last for long, or that this normal vibe was going to last. “I’m sure both would be lovely.” He replied looking at the dresses, not really telling the difference if he was honest. She came closer to him and he put down his mug and pulled her to him kissing her. “You’re going to need to go and change out of that towel otherwise we’re not going to be getting out of the house today.” He said lowly into his ear as his hands shamelessly ran over her back. Letting her go he picked up his mug back up watching her go. It was only when Lacey re entered her bedroom that his phone started to ring on the table.

"You know I love you for it," Lacey smiled, giving him another promising kiss. To her, it had never really seemed weird that they had gotten together. It had been a bit unexpected at first, sure, but she connected with Nate so well that it didn't matter at all what anyone else thought. She was attracted to him, not only physically, but she loved how smart and kind and fun to be around he was. She could actually hold a conversation with him and be interested while also feeling like she truly mattered to him. She was fascinated by him, and she felt so lucky that he loved her. People could say what they wanted, but Lacey had never felt like they were too different to work out. "You– are– not– an– in–con–venience," she emphasised with a quick kiss after every word. They both knew she would drop everything to be with him if he asked; Lacey was determined to be with him as much as she could. They needed to be together. It was the only way they were really going to get through something like this. As she held the dresses up to him, Lacey was aware he didn't particularly mind which one she chose; fashion had never been his thing, but she did always like to look nice for him. A giggle escaped her lips before she could stop it when he spoke lowly in her ear, and she pretended to lower her towel as she said, "You want me to take this off?" It was more like her normal self, unashamedly flirting with him, and for a moment, as she headed back to change in her room, she felt okay again. It didn't last long, though: while she was in the midst of slipping into a set of underwear, she realised he was on the phone. Her stomach dropped, and it took everything in her to continue dressing as normal. She hung her towel back up in the bathroom before tentatively joining him in the kitchen again, not saying a word as she picked up her cup of tea again and slid her arm comfortingly around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder as he finally got the news.

Like Lacey, Nathan was never too clingy as such, he always let her do her own thing and never really questioned what she was doing. But she was always happy to see her come back to him, always held her close when she’d had a few drinks and would perch on his lap. He always cherished their time together and although he’d always want more- especially now. But knowing that she’d be there all that she could was enough. He gave her a half smile at her admission, “well I wouldn’t complain about that, but you shouldn’t. You should do your work and only come when you can and it’s convenient.” He repeated with a short nod his fingers still tangling in her hair. “I know, babe. I know. I know you’ll be with me whenever you can.” He said. He didn’t say it, but of course the media would catch on to her travelling back and forth and would  come up with stories as to why she’d be doing it. And the last thing the pair needed was more speculation in the press as to what they were doing and what relationship that they held. As Lacey stepped into the shower his eyes cheekily ran over her silhouette with a small smirk before he actually went into the kitchen. He noticed that she was a little longer than usual  but he still made her a cup of tea and sipped his own leaning against the counter as he delayed getting dressed, the niggle of pain was still in his right temple but he was ignoring it for now, rubbing it a little with his finger before shaking off the pain- literally. He smirked a little as he saw her emerge from the shower and he shrugged a little, “something comfy for walking around. It looks like it’s going to be a hot day today.” He said nodding towards the window, not thinking too much about the unusual question.

"Stop being so diplomatic," Lacey teased with a small smile as she leaned in to kiss him again, slow and convincing. She always wanted to be with him for much more than the physical aspect – they both knew that. Being with him in the simplest of ways always made her feel lighter; he brought out a feeling in her she utterly adored, made her feel like she was her best true self around him. She had already been lost without him once, she had no intention of letting go of him again. "I'll see you all the time, babe. I've got some European stuff coming up, so I'll be around anyway." Of course, that was going to bring unwanted media attention that they could never seem to escape, but that was the least of their worries right now. After spending longer than usual in the shower to help clear her mind, Lacey stepped out feeling fresher, putting on a brave face as she sauntered into her bedroom in just a towel. She was used to adopting characters all the time for her work, yet a part of her knew she wasn't going to be able to totally fool someone who knew her as well as Nathan did. With his advice, she gazed through her closet, plucking out two similar floral dresses and walking over to hold the hangers up to Nate. "What do you think?" she asked, leaning up to give him another kiss. She spied the cup of tea he had kindly made for her and she reached for it, taking a careful sip, hoping she was passing as casual. "Thanks, babe," she smiled, raising her cup before she kissed him again, this time on the cheek. Affection wasn't going to make up for what he was going through, not at all, but it certainly wasn't going to make him feel any worse.

Nate never minded being the calm one, part of what he loved about Lacey was that she was so empathetic. So feeling with everything around her. He always liked being the one to bring perspective to things and keep things level. To be honest it helped him keep things level in his own head and kept him from going off the rails if he had to keep Lacey calm too.She started talking and he knew that it wasn’t going to be what we wanted. But he did literally just say that it was fine, so it wasn’t like it he could complain about it. So he didn’t. “That’s ok.” He said his fingers running softly into her hair, “you can just come when you want to. There’s some points where you might not want to be there.” He admitted wondering just where he’d go with everything and how bad it would get. “You need to work anyway, You’re only just getting back on your feet.” He added w pointed that out to her as he was sure it was occurring to her too. Nodding as she talked he climbed out of bed and started heading to the kitchen. “I don’t mind waiting.” He replied as he pulled on some sweat pants running a hand through his messy hair. “Er- we should go wander around for a bit, maybe we could eat out?” He said with a half smile in her direction as he opened the door.

Right then, all Lacey wanted was to stay with him. She wasn't particularly clingy (unless she had had a few drinks), but right then she wanted to stay with Nate always. She needed him to be okay – he didn't deserve to be going through something like this. No matter what exactly his situation was, Lacey had every intention to stand by his side and support him through. “If I came when I want to, I'd never leave,” she told him, loving the feeling of his fingers in her hair. She didn't want to lose it. “Whatever happens, I'm gonna be there for you. My personal life always comes first.” He did have a point, though: stepping back from work when she was only just building back up wasn't a wise career move, but Lacey knew she would struggle being away from him during something as serious as this. It was something she was going to have to learn to deal with, if she wanted to avoid more speculation over what went on in her private life. “Yeah?” she called from the bathroom, running a quick brush through her hair while she waited for the shower to warm up. “That sounds nice, babe.” Pulling the curtain back, Lacey offered a smile in return before she stepped inside the shower, finding relief in the stream of water pouring over her. It was cleansing, helping to strip back some of her emotion. With Nate waiting, she tried not to take too long, but she still stood under the shower head longer than usual. When she finally stepped out and dried off, entering her bedroom with just a towel wrapped around herself, Lacey tried to pretend that she was handling everything okay. “What do you think I should wear?” she asked, as if going to him for fashion advice was a regular thing.

Nathan, still resting his chin on her head nodded pausing before replying to her. “Well, we won’t have to wait long hopefully. “I’ll get the phone call soon, they’ll either tell me that I’m all clear or that I need to go home.” He explained more, he felt like giving her small titbits of information was better than unloading it all at once. They certainly were separated like that, Nate’s first reaction to anything was to think logically about it rather than Lacey who felt everything. He always admired her for that, letting herself bare for everything that happened. And just allowed herself to feel. Nate nodded, “I’m going to have to go home either way. If- If it’s all clear then I’m going to have to go for more tests and if it’s not then they’ll want to start treatment.” He said as evenly as he could not allowing himself to think about what that treatment might entail. “But you don’t have to come if it’s inconvenient, I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me.” He said firmly, “it’s not right. Especially, if they still don’t know what it is. There’s no point worrying about that.” He added, although he did want her there, regardless to how guilty how would feel. He wanted her with him but didn’t want to ruin anything going on in her life. Not when she was just rebuilding what she’d lost already. “I will.” He conceded with a short nod kissing her back his fingers running through her hair lightly. He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly as she started to mother him, “I’m fine, I’m not that hungry.” He admitted, “but I’ll go make us some tea.” He said kissing her forehead quickly before standing to get out of bed, “did you want any breakfast?” He asked her as he threw on a shirt. “We should do something today. The last thing we need is to spend all day inside.”

Nodding as he explained to her calmly, Lacey found comfort in Nate keeping a level head. It was easier to handle all this if one of them wasn’t an emotional wreck, and the both of them knew that she certainly wasn’t going to be that person, not at first anyway. Having Nathan balance her out like that was something she greatly appreciate, something she hadn’t quite realised she needed until she had it. “I want to come,” Lacey emphasised; no way would she be able to stand being so far away from him, not being there to help him with what he was going through. “I won’t be able to stay all the time, but I want to be there for you, babe. I need to make sure you’re okay.” She knew inevitably having to leave him for work was going to break her heart, but it was better than not seeing him at all. At the sound of his light laughter, Lacey softened, letting herself give a gentle little smile as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’d love some, thank you,” she said, pulling the covers up around herself as she sat up. “What do you feel like doing, babe? I should really have a shower first, if you don’t mind waiting?” she asked, and as she climbed out of bed, she gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading for the bathroom. “I won’t be long. Make you sure make something for you to eat too, okay?”

Nathan brushed her hair behind her ear his fingers grazing her face softly remembering the shape of her nose and mouth. “Don’t be scared.” He told her, his eyes flicking over her face. “We’re going to be fine.” He said, hoping that he was right he swallowed the doubt- literally. “We don’t know what the results are going to say. The scans might just normal.” He reminded her with a short nod. “And if they are then I’ll need more tests but it won’t be as bad as it could be.” He assured her, reminding her of all the facts that he was sure that she needed to hear after the initial shock of it all. He was a fraud though because he himself was scare, of course he was. He didn’t want this to be bad news, he didn’t want to go now. He still felt like he had so much to do. But voicing all of that wasn’t the right thing to do right now. He let her talk, left it sink in for her. “I know,” he replied softly to her “I’m only fine when I’m with you.” He finished for her, though he expected there was a lot more to it that she wasn’t saying. He wanted to hear to, he didn’t know why. But he did. Nate pulled her closer as they kissed, pulling her skin to skin when she stopped kissing him he pulled his head away and looked down at her as she spoke again. “I know.” He assured again, “I know you will.” She was right though this was unfair. It was so unfair that this happened to them, so soon after their baby too. He shook his head, “I was. But, I’m not now.” He said, lying a little bit. He was in pain but he was sure that it would go soon.

"Okay," she exhaled, as if it were really that simple. As if she could suddenly flick a switch in her mind and stop worrying. Even if she could, she didn't really think she wanted to. "God, I hope they're normal," she murmured, glad to have his logical responses. That was something Lacey had always loved about him: he could make sense of things without getting too swayed by emotion. Lacey, very much led by her heart, was the opposite. He offered a good sense of balance, knew exactly how to help calm her down. "I don't want to leave you," she quietly replied. "Are you– are you planning on going home? I can come with you. I can rearrange some stuff, it'd be fine." She didn't think she could stand being so far away from him, but realistically she knew she couldn't just cancel all the jobs she had booked, and he probably wouldn't want her to anyway. "Just ask, okay?" Lacey let him know, leaning in to kiss him again, lighter this time. She wished they could just have the carefree day together that she had been imagining they would, but that didn't seem quite possible anymore. "Okay. Okay, well, can I get you some breakfast? You should have something to eat," she said, the motherliness she had become known for kicking in. "I can make tea. Or you can, if you think yours is better," she added, offering him a tiny smile contrasting her tear stained face.

Nate raised a brow as she went to resist him only tightening his grip on her, “don’t be bad at me.” He spoke in her ear softly, “it might not have been right but I didnt tell you because I thought it was for the best and I thought it was nothing.” He repeated himself nuzzling his face into her neck as she talked, he still didn’t believe her, or was really sorry about not telling her but he wasn’t going to say that or stir things up. Nathan couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for taking attention away from everything that was going on, to him it still seemed so much more important to him. Nate didn’t reply as she talked again, she was only saying what he already knew. His eyes flicked over her face as her fingers grazed on his face. “That’s all I want for you, too.” He replied softly not saying it but hopefully she knew his actions was so that she was ok as possible as well. But he didnt want to ass anymore excuses when she was so upset about it. His heart broke as she reacted to him. Pulling her as close and as firm as he could he rested his head on the top of hers closing his eyes as she spoke he actually had to fight back tears as she talked, the knots now tying themselves in his throat meant he couldn’t speak without giving away just how hard he had to fight. Doing his best to swallow them down he opened his eyes blinking away the hot liquid that had gathered there momentarily as he pulled himself back to his calm self- he couldn’t break down now. He had to be strong for her. “I know.” He said his break only cracking a little bit as he then cleared his throat, unable to promise anything but instead he said. “You know I’m going to fight for you.”

"I'm not mad," Lacey sighed, defeated, falling into the familiar comfort of his arms. In more recent times, she struggled to think of anywhere else she found as safe and protected as she did with Nate's arms around her. "I'm... scared," she admitted in a tiny voice, squeezing him tighter as he nuzzled her neck. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose him again, really lose him this time, and it took every ounce of strength not to cry with every word he spoke. That wouldn't help him, wouldn't help either of them. It was difficult to accept, but Lacey did understand his intentions. She knew that he had just been trying to protect her, that he loved her and just wanted things to be good for her. "I'm okay when I'm with you, Nate. I'm better than okay, I'm..." She sighed quietly, letting the sentence hang as her eyes fell closed. Now didn't seem like the right time to tell him just what she felt: that she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else, that nobody made her feel the way that he did, that she loved him with all of her heart and, however unexpected their connection had been, he was the man of her dreams. She wanted to walk down the aisle and hear him say "I do", wanted to have his children and spend the rest of her life hanging out with him. Lacey needed him to know that, but at the same time, she didn't want it to add to the weight of what he was going through. He didn't need to feel any guiltier than he already did. Nodding a little at his words, she couldn't ignore the strain in his voice. Lacey lifted her head, let her lips find his despite the tears washed all down her cheeks, and she kissed him with such force, every fibre of her being screaming at him just how much he meant to her. Kissing was much easier than talking; she was breathless when she finally pulled away. "I'll do anything," she murmured. "I swear to god, I'll do anything I can to help. This is so fucking unfair." Pulling back a little more, she wiped at her eyes, sniffing, running a hand through his hair tenderly as she studied his face. "Can I get you anything? Are you in a lot of pain?"

It had seemed unfair to him now that he thought about it. He’d barley gotten over the loss himself never mind Lacey. And she had always taken it more to heart. At her insisting he sighed again, deciding he’d given her enough space he pulled her by the waist back to him kissing her forehead lightly. “I could have.” He admitted softly, “I would have if I knew what was going to happen. But you were healing. I didn’t want to take you back to the beginning.” He admitted again, “I didn’t think it would come to this, not ever.” His eyes looked down at her, looking at her features, memorising each one over and over again. “About midday I think.” He spoke not really listening to what she was saying, more just taking in the lazy morning. “There’s no point worrying about it until then.” His attempt at calming her down was futile, he knew. She would worry anyway. She was mad st him- he thought. But he didn’t regret not telling her. “And I love you.” He quickly countered, “the exact reason I didn’t want this for you.” He explained though he knew if it were the other way around he wouldn’t except it from her. “I didn’t want to burden you with this.- I didn’t think it was anything to burden you with until a week or two ago.” The question he’d been dreading came. It was one he knew he’d be face with his eyes widened as he gave the news again that he’d already given his family. “They don’t know. It depends.” He said softly, too softly he didn’t know whether she’d even hear him. “They’re going to do their best. I’m going to do my best.” He assured her, though he knew it didn’t really mean anything. “Don’t be sorry.” He was quick to say wiping her tears. “We’ll be ok. It’s a lot right now, but we will be ok.”

When Nate pulled her back into him, Lacey at first tried to resist, wanting to be firm that she didn't appreciate how long it had taken him to open up to her, but her need to be comforted won in the end. She wrapped her arm around him, biting her lip when he spoke. "I could've handled it," she insisted, struggling to look him in the eyes. In truth, she knew she probably wouldn't have been able to. She had been devastated after the miscarriage – she still thought about it all the time, didn't think she would ever stop – and if she had known about all this earlier, she would've been even more of a wreck. As much as she wanted him to regret waiting, Lacey actually appreciated his care and sensitivity towards her. "Like I'm gonna stop worrying," she replied, would've rolled her eyes if she wasn't so upset. "You're not a burden," she assured him, running her hand through his hair and resting it gently on his cheek after. "Nothing you could ever tell me is a burden. I love you, okay? All I ever want is for you to be okay." Before Nate even answered her, she could sense that he wasn't about to tell her that there was a definite happy ending. But even when he did speak, as quiet as he was, she cried as if she hadn't been expecting it. Lacey pulled herself in closer, pressing her cheek against his chest, needing to keep him near. "You're not leaving me. No matter what they tell you, you're not. You can do anything," she said with conviction, trying to control the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "I'm here for you unconditionally, okay? I'll do anything I can to help. You're not going through this alone."

Nate winced as she cried at him instantly tensing as he felt her emotion shatter through to his bones. Letting her go he sighed quietly he left the palm of his hand resting on her abdomen his fingers circling on her gently. He let the silence set in, let the news set in between them, he’d done this before with his family and himself so he knew it was a lot to take in. “I didn’t think it was a big deal, migraines are a common thing you know? I thought it was just a thing. And then a couple of weeks ago it got worse and I didn’t mention it because, I didn’t realise how serious that it was.” He said honestly reaching with a thumb to wipe her eyes, “and I didn’t mention it before now because I didn’t want to worry you. There’s nothing either of us can do but just wait for the results which I should hear today.” He added softly. “I know that you would have been there, but I didn’t want that for you. What was the point in worrying you after everything else that’s been going on.” He added brushing her hair behind her ear, “Well yeah, they’re a few options. it’s either a tumour, malignant or not. Or, swelling that’s caused by a parasite, which isn’t as bad as it sounds. Or, it’s my eidetic memory fading away and kind of the break down of that part of my brain. But no, none of the options are brilliant, baby.” 

Lacey didn’t even know what to think. She had never expected anything like this, had naively thought they had already been through their fair share of trauma. The only way was supposed to be up, not this. She could barely comprehend it. “You still could’ve told me,” she insisted quietly, desperately, much like a child. She had just assumed that was the kind of thing that he would tell her about, and she couldn’t believe she had been wrong. Didn’t he trust her? “When today? When will you find out?” she questioned him. The sooner he found out exactly what was wrong, the easier all this would be. At least, that’s what she thought in her confused, distraught state. “What was the point in worrying me? Nathan, I’m your girlfriend, I’m in love with you. We’re supposed to support each other through the hard stuff. We’re supposed to worry.” As he began explaining the options, Lacey shook her head; she couldn’t understand how any of it could be a possibility. He seemed perfectly healthy; she couldn’t understand how something like this could be happening. “Whatever it is, they can fix it, right? We already lost a child, I can’t lose you too,” she said, tears immediately dripping down her cheeks. Guilt sweeping over her, she quickly tried to wipe her face, not wanting to cry in front of him, not anymore, not when he needed her to be there for him. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”