Welcome to THE SKELETON HIVE

Growth capitalism is a deranged fantasy for lunatics.

Year 1, your business makes a million dollars in profit. Great start!

Year 2, you make another million. Oh no! Your business is failing because you didn't make more than last year!

Okay, say year 2 you make $2 mil. Now you're profitable!

Then year 3 you make $3 mil. Oh no! Your business is failing! But wait, you made more money than last year right? Sure, but you didn't make ENOUGH more than last year so actually your business is actively tanking! Time to sell off shares and dismantle it for parts! You should have made $4 mil in profit to be profitable, you fool!

If you're not making more money every year by an ever-increasing exponent, the business is failing!

Absolute degenerate LUNACY

#we loooooove the methodology of a cancer cell

#constant expansion at all costs!! go go go go go!! what do you mean the body has died

^^^^^^^^^^^

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

Horniness is not intrinsically less pure than any other human motivation

"He only made this art because he was horny!" ...Yeah, and? You only made a sandwich because you were hungry.

God I hate these fucking floating monoliths. They always go, like, 10mph below the speed limit and if you try to pass them they just fucking distort reality around them until you're back behind them again. One of them cut me off on the highway once and when I honked it banished me to a hoary netherworld where I wandered, lost and alone, for untold centuries, trapped in the liminal space between what could have been and what never was, black stars dotting the bright infinity yawning out around me as I drove out of thought and time, through endless ruined cities and blighted lands unmarked by the sun's cold rays, and when I finally got out I was more than 20m late for my dentist appointment and they had to reschedule me.

Hey? Hey holy shit

Fans spent decades claiming that Hideo Kojima is a creative genius who's being held back by the studio system, and then the first time a production gave him free rein to do whatever he wanted he promptly made a game where you have to play out using the bathroom in real time so the protagonist can collect his own urine to craft magic piss grenades. It's unclear whether this confirms the fandom's hypothesis.

You get special piss grenades if you use the bathroom while below 25% health because the blood in your urine makes the magic stronger.

Feel like its also important to mention that he added a dedicated urinate tool that sits next to everything else in your inventory and when you piss in the same spot enough outside a giant holographic mushroom appears that other players can give facebook likes to via an internet made of death

every morning i go out onto the farm and ring a gong at the perfect resonant frequency of one of my pigs, causing it to disassemble into perfectly cooked breakfast meats

every night i sing a song of such incredible beauty that a new pig wanders onto my farm and becomes my best friend

#SustainableLiving

jeeli beeli, peet rat goomie candieeeee. let’s slike it opeen so he can. breeeeaaaaaath. mmm freesh aier. peet rat, timie to comie alivie. escapi the pakackie. esapi, the pakackie. peet ratti’s. veri baig and longe. veri baig, aaand loooonge. the battaum ais, veri, flatt. goode boye, veri goode boye. peet ratti’s, a veri, goode boye.

YES!

in 2015 I needed a job really bad for reasons not worth getting into. i was living in ohio for like 6 months & i just applied at every place within a 30 minute drive from me and i got a call from the local Game Stop mere minutes after submitting the online app, which was obviously a red flag but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

so they tell me when to show up for orientation & I get there the day-of but the store is closed & locked. i text the manager & he says back “oh yeah. i manage two Game Stops and open them alternate days.”

apparently the Game Stop I originally applied to is open Mondays Wednesdays Fridays and the other one is open Sundays Tuesdays Thursdays Saturdays.

They’re 15 minutes apart. I don’t ask whether it would make sense to just have one store locally that is open daily, bc maybe the guy knows something I don’t.

So I get to the other Game Stop and walk in and it seems like there’s no one working there. There’s just a single woman in there wearing an ankle length leather trench coat. She didn’t greet me when I came in & she’s just browsing.

After ten minutes I ask her if she’s seen any employees and she’s like “oh I’m an employee.” She’s not wearing a name tag on the trench coat.

I tell her I’m here for training and she tells me the manager hasn’t come in yet. “he falls asleep playing xbox all the time but if he’s on live we can try pinging him to wake him up.”

I play Xbox and that absolutely doesn’t sound like a thing you can do in the way she’s describing it but once again maybe she knows something I don’t.

I ask if we have an Xbox that we can use to “ping” him and she says “yeah the one in the back we play on.”

She has an English accent by the way, a very specific & posh one which usually wouldn’t be relevant but we’ll get there.

So before she leads me to the Xbox-in-the-back she goes “oh damn. our internet has actually been down all morning, I forgot. We need to call the provider and have them come out and fix it. Can you do that?”

Can I call an unnamed internet provider and schedule them to come do service at a business where I don’t even technically work yet? Idk. She gives me their number and I call them and they put me on hold.

People are walking in and she’s not greeting them. She keeps browsing and people assume like I did that she’s another customer so they’re coming up to the counter where I’m on hold to ask me for help, and then I have to say I can’t help them and to ask the woman in the trenchcoat, and then she says “we can’t sell you anything. internet’s down.”

this goes on for 30 minutes and every time the store is empty she’s chatting at me and I’m on hold and then a man walks in the door and he says “sorry I fell asleep on live again haahaahaa” so this is the manager and the minute she starts speaking to him she no longer has an English accent which has me confused because it did not sound fake.

It was regionally specific and very natural.

the manager asks what I’m doing and I say I’m on hold with the internet provider and he gives me a thumbs up and walks to the back.

so I ask how long she’s lived in the U.S. and say I’m always interested in the way people can sometimes go in and out of accents and she says “oh I’m American. he asked me to stop doing the accent so I only do it when he’s not here.”

Suddenly I wonder what I’m doing here and I tell her I need to leave and I give no excuse but at this point I don’t feel like I need one? She said okay! See you later.

The manager didn’t contact me and that night I got offered some other retail job I jumped on.

Three months later the Game Stop manager texts me and asks if I can cover a shift in an hour and I say back “I don’t think I work there? I left an hour into my training. And we never spoke again.” And he texts back “hahahaha right on.”

And you may think wow, what a strange experience that all was but recently I have spoken to friends who did work at Game Stop and when I tell them this story they don’t even blink. Nothing I say surprises them. I was at the average Game Stop

Thinking about the dichotomy of SCP-1609 and SCP-5031.

One was a harmless magic chair whose sole purpose was to teleport behind someone anytime they thought “I could use a place to sit,” and yet people still tried to destroy it so they wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. They threw it in a woodchipper and it became violent and dangerous, teleporting the sawdust and splinters of wood it had become inside of people’s lungs.

The other was an otherworldly monstrosity with a scythe blade on its tail and six arms, at first they threw it in a metal box where it screamed for hours but the new scientist in charge gave it a chance and treated it with kindness, they taught it to spell and to cook and to play the piano and now it loves throwing parties and testing new recipes and socializing with its friends.

It’s just…

Oh, man, I just read SCP-1609.  It’s currently used as mulch in an SCP flowerbed, where it’s at peace, since it can continue to be helpful even though it’s no longer a chair.  It wasn’t the SCP that threw it in the woodchipper, it was the competing organization Global Occult Coalition (whose goal is to destroy anomalies rather than contain them), and now the former-chair willingly stays at the SCP for protection.

5031, meanwhile, is one of the most heartwarming tales on the site. There’s no horrible twist ending where the “non-sapient” murder monster is revealed to actually a hyper-intelligent murder monster, it’s simply a tale of what miracles can be worked with kindness.

— Reblogging for this!!

Thanks Paizo for basically letting Desna have an alternate form that's Mothra in the Tian Xia World Guide.

If the government really wanted to actually cut down on vape usage they would force manufacturers to add an unmutable slide whistle sound effect that played every time you take a hit