Done with life

oh my god

That was timed so well oh my god

I feel the need to share since my lube post is going around that my life is just like that since I worked at the sex shop. Sex Ed is a very standard topic. People just immediately pick up a vibe from me and even in situations where someone doesn’t know I used to sling dildos for a living they’ll just start confiding sex stuff to me.

Not in a creeper way. But like this weight had been lifted and they can finally talk freely about sexual topics. The energy I put off is just so blasé and accepting that people tell me about their sex lives, usually very quickly after meeting me. They usually then have a moment of panic or regret and apologize but I always reassure them that I used to work in a shop and that I see nothing odd about talking about it.

My go-to line is, “I’m a creature devoid of judgement.” They always laugh. Then the questions get more specific or people start asking for brand recommendations. It’s always been funny to me.

My beloved has always been a little confused by it. “People don’t just start talking to me about sex! I know you don’t bring it up. It just always seems to go there when people talk to you.”

“It’s just my energy.”

The first time I was meeting their mom she was coming to stay with us. We picked her up from the airport and brought her home. My beloved went upstairs to use the bathroom. When they came back down their mom was asking me questions about vibrators and their jaw hit the floor.

In our room later they said, “She doesn’t even talk to me about that stuff! She’s so embarrassed about sex topics, I cannot believe she was asking you about that!”

“What can I say,” I shrugged, “I’m a creature devoid of judgement.”

Things that work in fiction but not real life

This post breaching containment has taught me that a lot of people seem to think they can accurately profile complete strangers. For the record, no the fuck you can't.

0 note flops only get funnier the more followers you accumulate, like shooting with precise aim and skill a perfectly straight line through an ever increasing line of axe heads directly into the trash

HELP i think i just found the funniest thing ever

average hobby for an upstairs neighbour

Israel has created the ultimate boogeyman. A boogeyman that never goes away, that must always be punished, and absolves Israel from all responsibility.

Love how Pacific Rim became its own genre of fanfic AUs because the concept of soulmate-powered giant robots was just that good.

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

when I was a kid I had an old tv in my room that would always turn to unwatchable static in the middle of shows but one night my sister and I were watching Naruto & every time Kakashi was on-screen the static cleared so we were like “hahaha the tv looooves Kakashi.”

I had a Kakashi bookmark so we held it up against the screen as a joke but the static actually cleared up. Mystified, we tried different bookmarks and objects with the same plastic material but nothing else worked, only the Kakashi bookmark.

We ended up taping it to the corner of the screen and it stayed there for 11 years until we moved out. When I was older people would be like “can you move the bookmark off the screen” bc it did sort of block a bit of the view but I would demonstrate the static issue and everyone was always just like “huh. what the hell?? well…alright.”

No explanation, but thanks Kakashi.

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

Employee-customer solidarity

Even if they don't- Your review can be the thing that wrecks someone up accidentally;

"Janie was so helpful when I wanted to buy a new washing machine on Friday, she stayed with me for half an hour and wasn't pushy at all, we had a good laugh about our cats' silly antics and she got Adam and Suzy to carry it to the car for me- 10/10 excellent service, I'd come back any day!"

-But Management has a policy that workers should spend no more than 10 focused minutes on any customer at a time, and that they should always try to upsell the insurance and the higher price model, so Janie was breaking policy.

-And they aren't supposed to have their phones on the sales floor, so now Janie is going to be quizzed on whether she was showing photos of her cat to a customer.

-Adam is a warehouse worker and shouldn't have been in the front-of-house at all, Suzy is a porter, and store policy is both to use a trolley to move heavy items, and that only the porters should do it, so now Janie is in trouble for pulling Adam off-task, Adam is in trouble for walking through the shop floor, and Suzy is in trouble for poor handling procedure. Maybe the store even has a paid delivery service that Janie was supposed to upsell as soon as you said "I can't put this in my car without help", so this was all against policy.

Your review should always be as bland as possible, "10/10, five star service, will shop here again, thank you to Janie at the Town Street branch" You NEVER know what was technically a rule-break, capitalism is not your friend, the review process is part of the panopticon.

FIVE STARS, TEN OUT OF TEN, VERY GOOD, NOTHING MORE.

When the rest of the world looks at the united states right now, we see a government who sends billions to support genocide but cannot help their own people starving on the streets.

We see a police force who won't go in to save children from school shootings, but deploy at a rapid rate to arrest peaceful protestors using their right to free speech to protest a genocide

America, you are a war mongering snake eating your own tail. You will protect and support war criminals in another country but let your own people starve and die

To the students bravely protesting now, we see your strength. We see what we saw when students protested the Vietnam War. We have faith you will prevail

1920s tumblr simulator

🎞 noirsuatoir Follow

Private detectives useless as hell all I do is sit behind a desk dramatically lit in black and white stripes by my half open blinds and smoke cigars. Living the dream

#privatedetective #detectivelife #i have 19 unsolved cases

( 10,552 notes )

🎷 aceofspades Follow

prohibition hitting hard...making some bathtup gin tonight. DM for recipe

🎷aceofspades Follow

hopital

( 65 notes )

🔘 deactivated-341925 Follow

Clara Bow is 20??!!!

🔘 deactivated-341925 Follow

SHE SHOULD BE AT THE SPEAKEASY

( 979 notes )

🎙 fancy-nancyboy Follow

Smuggling some moonshine in my coat oh boy I sure do hope no big scary prohibition officer comes andbpins me and handcuffs me hahha oh nooo that would suck

#wink wink

( 4,208 notes )

🍸 gladragz Follow

my thirsty ass could NEVER be a bootlegger!!!!

( 7 notes )

🚬 runrummer Follow

Anyone else think some of those jc leyendecker drawings are kind of yaoi ....

#those arrow collar advertisments got me feelin smthn #jc leyendecker #jcleyendecker #jcl

( 962 notes )

📻 flapperfanny-fan973 Follow

she speak on my easy till I jazz

( 12 notes )

It's insane how casually the calls to end a genocide, not just the students in Columbia University but pro Palestinian views in general, are labelled as terrorists. The audacity to still publicly support Israel's actions even after the horrific bombings these last months and then turn around to say that the ones who oppose it are violent anti semites is just baffling