no pronouns only refer to me as your majesty

choosing to read this as if i were eavesdropping on Italian mobsters

He's just a little silly, y'all.

guy who listens to tool: hey man you ever listened to tool?

guy who lives near a construction site:

Yeah you say this, except there's a good chance you were chronically dehydrated as a kid. The reason you didn't think you were is because a) no one was talking about dehydration at the time, and b) the effects weren't immediately obvious.

But when my grown-up massage clients get on my table and I have to keep reapplying lotion because their skin absorbs the first layer immediately? When they have a million "knots" because their soft tissue fibers got dried out, lost their elasticity and became sticky, basically glued themselves together, and now it hurts when you move your arm like this, or your neck is always achey?

Yeah, that's chronic dehydration. That's shit that builds up over years of not drinking enough water (and/or not stretching, and/or having shitty posture, and/or not healthily processing your difficult emotions, and/or...)

Health is mostly maintenance. You have to act in "healing" ways consistently if you don't want to spend your life in a cycle of pain -> fix -> same pain again. And the younger you start, the better your results will be.

So yeah, treat the youth and yourself like beached orcas and drink that water.

So yeah, treat the youth

and yourself like beached orcas

and drink that water.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

having online friends is so fun! but watch out! the distinse......

In what world is tall muscular man not conventionally attractive

We've all been down here too long. I truly think there's a chunk of tumblr's population that can no longer survive sunlight.

women will say “hear me out” and show u a photo of pyramid head and then tumblr users will go “this is a perfectly normal man and an ice cold take”

You better watch out, buddy – I have extremely unusual life experiences which I mistakenly believe are universal, and I'm about to misinterpret your post in ways you can't even imagine.

this is such a rude and obviously targeted thing to make me, a man with a problem, read

i got the job

Litany against unemployment.

having adhd makes all of your thoughts feel like a 7-way venn diagram

and explaining anything like this

my dentist thinks my chronic dry mouth might be due to sleeping w my mouth open and recommended an anti-snoring device and im like ok im game to try that but i do need to tell you that i already wear dry-eye goggles at night. this has no bearing on whether or not i can also use the anti-snoring device i just need you to know how ridiculous im gonna look

gonna style these 2 together and report back ig

Your dentist is trying to give you keymaster vibes

Endgame is you end up sleeping in one of those Dune suits so you don't wither into a prune whilst unconscious

list of mammals that are bugs

1. jerboa.

list of bugs that are mammals

1. acorn weevil

(source)

They trade places for a day like the prince and the pauper

nothing makes me feel more well adjusted than hearing about the problems that straight people in the periphery of my life are always having

my aunt's new guy broke into my ex uncle's garage and filled his bowling balls with caulk

its like you dont even want to sell your life to a corporation

me. me when a poem says something ive felt before

me, when a poem says something i’m feeling at this very moment

was lamenting the fact that my eczema is flaring up when the thought "the itcher" popped into my head fully formed and unprompted and now i can't stop laughing