You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

It’s practically 2014 and you guys still don’t know how to google if an article is real or not before giving it 100,000 notes

i wanted to draw my rat girl for this very special occasion 

one year later and she still banging out tunes for this national holiday

it’s been a year you know what that means!!

HAPPY BANGING OUT TUNES DAY

you think I’d forget about the most important day of the year?? HAPPY NEIL DAY!

ROCKING out the tunes this year round

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

"Being alive is as special an occasion as it gets."

Stick the STICKERS. TO PLACES. DAMNIT

top 10 sex positions that will leave naught but ash in your wake

so we're just not gonna have a national conversation about how Boeing killed one of their own employees to keep him from talking to the press

like we're really not gonna address the fact that he died of a "self inflicted head wound" literal hours after Boeings lawyers asked him to stay an extra day. We're not gonna speak on the fact that he told his family "if I die, it wasn't suicide " before he went to go testify. None of it huh

Oh? You haven't heard? I'm not surprised with how hard the media are parrying it

THAT TOO. LMFAOOO

If only there were some sort of facility where teenagers could be taught new skills.

Anyway, here's a helpful diagram. When I was hit on the temple this was one of the harder things I had to reteach myself. Don't be shamed into not asking questions, and it's alright if it takes you a while to figure it out. Don't let someone make you feel bad for learning new things, or relearning old ones.

Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to teach yourself. YouTube is a valid option.

yeah okay ill reblog that :]

I'm not going to explain any of the thought behind it yet, just want your answer on what you want to lose first. I'll post a new poll without the loser until only One Remains.

(note: eliminate means that humans don't include them in our diets, not that we suddenly pluck it from existence)

And do the sharing thing please. This isn't scientific or anything close to it, just my own curiosity, but still, I want to know what we keep the longest, bc I have a guess.

i would've fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would've jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i'd be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

bells. i meant bells

don’t do this to me

obvs acab but the scottish police force have the chance to do the funniest thing right now

(Note: like last time, 'delulu’ and 'neurospicy' etc are not included on here because they're just Always Bad!)

Don’t forget to reblog for bigger sample size!

Ok now do NYT columnists

already this has tags in the notes like “#anti ai” but... this is just real life with almost everything. this is like grifter 101 please don’t exceptionalize needing to be critical of chatgpt.

This is literally how job interviews work, by the way, and then everyone is surprised the super-duper confident guy is also an incompetent moron.

This worked on Trump voters, with the added selling point that he's a piece of shit that gave them permission to be pieces of shit.

Talking to experts when I was young used to drive me nuts because I would say something self-evidently straightforward, and they would say, "Well, it's not actually as simple as that..."

And then I got older and learned things on the way, and found people asking me questions that were straightforward, but the equivalent of "Why isn't it obvious to everyone that there is only one right way of doing the thing...?" and I would reply, "Well, it's not as simple as that..." and watch them decide that I probably didn't know what I was talking about.

Got Bones? (Printable)

Hey, I made a printable .PNG version of that “got bones” flyer if anyone wants to make a few copies to hang up in real life and cause some minor chaos around their town. Have fun, feel free to send me pics if you stick it up anywhere

I should specify, for those who are apprehensive:

- The phone number attached to this poster is real, and works.

- It’s not a random stranger’s number, please don’t worry. I set the number up specifically for this piece.

- You will not get a live person on the line, it’s just a pre-recorded message (unless my finger slips and I accidentally answer one of the incoming calls, in which case I will inevitably panic and immediately hang up)

- It does, however, cost me like nine bucks a month to keep this text app phone number running for the sake of the joke. Which isn’t a lot, but I’m honestly pretty broke these days. So if this poster amuses you and you want to chip in to help this thing live on so other people can call the number, you can toss me a dollar or something over on my Ko-Fi page. I’m gonna try to keep it public and live for as long as I feasibly can, however.

This is genuinely the funniest possible result that could have come out of this whole thing, I approve