I’ve shut away the old Jesy for such a long time because I’ve just felt that I needed to be the new Jesy. I’ve felt like I’ve had to be this new Jesy because everyone hated the old Jesy. What this really made me realize is that I loved that Jesy, and I can’t just love this Jesy: I’ve gotta love every part of me.
I feel like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Queen of Hearts…
#BitchBetterKillMyVibe
the best of little mix post brit awards
this very sad, as i am currently sad and needed a way to write out my emotions. i’m sorry. but enjoy.
a sad gift
“Jesy what’s wrong?”
“Perrie, I can’t do this anymore,” a tear rolled down her face as Perrie leaned over and wiped it away.
“I know this tour is a little tiring but it’s nothing we haven’t done before,” Perrie pulled the ginger in, stroking her hair. The blonde felt Jesy tense up as she began to cry even harder.
The sobs ceased and Jesy took a deep breath in and pulled away.
“It’s not the tour,” Jesy looked up and bit down on her bottom lip, trying not to cry again.
“What is it, is it some boy? I’ll kick his balls in,” Perrie furrowed her brow a little and Jesy laughed softly as another tear rolled down her cheek.
Jesy never wanted to do this but the secret bottled up inside of her was hurting her every day little by little.
“No, it’s not. It’s not her fault,” purposefully letting the pronoun slip she could see Perrie’s face completely change.
“Oh, I didn’t know, I-”
“It’s fine, I’ve known since x factor,” Jesy sighed again, “ that I’m bisexual and it was someone I met.”
“Oh who’s the lovely gal,” the blonde winked at Jesy and Jesy’s heart twinged a little. She couldn’t believe she was about to make the dumbest mistake of her life but it was now or never.
“It was you.”
Perrie’s eyes widened and then looked down at her fingers, unsure of what to say.
“It’s still you, that’s why me and Jake broke up, he could tell I was in love with someone else. And with you being with Alex, I know you and I could never be a thing and I would never ask of you to leave him because your happiness is way more important than silly ole me. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, it’s been over five years okay,” Jesy didn’t realize she was crying so hard until she stopped talking and looked up to see Perrie leaning against a wall now.
“Why didn’t you tell me.”
“I couldn’t, you were with Zayn for literally four years and I wasn’t about to be that homewrecker and then Jake, and then Alex, and I’m so sorry Pez, I’m so sorry,” she abruptly stood up trying to make sense of everything that just happened. “I don’t want to make it weird and I’ll never talk to you again outside of work if that’s what you want, I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
Perrie finally turned around with tears in her eyes and Jesy’s heart broke even more.
Perrie whispered softly, “I don’t know,” with a slight crack in her voice, she felt like everything she had known was falling apart.
“I only know that I love you and just want your happiness and I just-” Jesy was then silenced by a pair of soft lips barely touching hers, she felt Perrie capture her bottom lip and the tears from the two of coated their lips.
As soon as it began, it was over and Perrie backed away, touching her own lips as she choked down a sob.
“I’m sorry, I gave that kiss to you because I know what it’s like to want something and never have it,” Perrie quickly walked out of the room and Jesy tried to take off after her but was blocked by a door slammed in her face.
“Pez,” was heard through the door by a blonde who was now again shoving her feelings to the bottom.
————————
Months went on as they finished the Dangerous Woman tour and began their own and they weren’t the same ever again. Even fans were sending tweets saying “bring Pesy back” and Jesy wished for her best friend back and was filled with regret, feeling nothing but sadness as she drank herself to sleep almost every night.
It was years later when the news was posted that Jesy had died from an overdose and all Perrie could wonder if she could’ve been Jesy’s happiness. She would never know.
leigh anne appreciation post
if you’re a bird, i’m a bird (pesy starring in the lesbian version of ‘the notebook’)
