i think if i went back in time and gave some medieval bitch even just 1 of my sour skittles that they would actually die

I answer for no one.

A quick tip for your elevator ride up to the office: grab a piping hot cuppa joe at the corner store and stick an egg in it to make a hard boiled morning snack.

just stick your hands in boiling hot coffee. go on. do it. just shove your fingers on in that blistering hot cuppa joe. throw an egg in there. who gives a shit. eat your god damn coffee eggs like the stupid slobbering idiot that you are

thIS WHOLE FUCKING ARTICLE

????????????????????????????

convert your office into a horrible disaster

This should be what nsfw means

Found Hitchcock and Scully’s lifehack list…

So you want me to believe that a schmuck who is too lazy to make a PBJ at home is going to clean up his mess after he uses the office paper cutter to halve his sandwich? I’d shove his head in a flaming wastepaper basket after a week of this shit.

Don’t care didn’t ask plus you majored in business

a mess

this is THE BEST explanation of this aspect of mental illness i have ever seen

been howlin at scottish twitter for three days now here’s some of my favourites

funny how girls use the term “ugly laugh” to refer to what is actually the cutest most endearing sound that has ever come out of their mouths

i was looking at grapes in the store n this old lady comes up to me n goes “youre not stealing these are u?” so im like uh no lol? and she goes “oh, well i am” and grabbed a handful of grapes and left

GKSKVKSM

Yee-claw!

Another day at the crashing motorcycles into eadh other on purpose factory

Brit Commander at Dublin Castle: We need a new wanted poster for Michael Collins.

Clerk: Should I mention how hot he is?

Brit Commander: Whatever.

@twostarsinonesphere

“strong physique, boyish smile, dangerous”

I hate people who consume stuff

Why’d you circle them individually?

Because they are all enemies. you really arent getting this are you?

i have such a bad diet my cells have unionized and refuse to work unless i eat an orange

I think that’s called scurvy