Joining in on that ship dynamics meme hehe

I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”

I’m just imagining this super ripped guy called Brutus being like ‘YESSS!!! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE FAKE PROSTITUTE!! Now is my time to shine!!’

so I got inspired… and had to make a comic….

BRUTUS ANSWERS THE CALL

I demand to see Brutus post disguise

people who think cis is an acronym crack me up

As a cishet male, it took me a long time to realize that just meant “cisgender heterosexual.”

But if we’re talking acronyms, it could have accurately stood for “cargo-included shorts / hides emotions terribly” as well.

we can forgive you for not knowing what cishet is but cargo shorts? that is too far

I’m hoping to get a pardon due to extenuating circumstances on this one.

You see, as a white cishet guy who regularly shaves off all my hair, wearing cargo shorts is about the most overt way I can think of to broadcast to everyone in the vicinity:

DO NOT BE ALARMED! THIS HUGE NERD IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A SKINHEAD!

wait… what does trans stand for then?

They stand for each other and for a world without fear

Flavoracle definitely has a third eye and it’s wide open honey

Oddly beautiful words for a cishet guy with a shaved head and cargo shorts.

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

She was on that episode and a very stupid opportunity presented itself

I want.

… Blackberry is that you ? @itsladykit

This is the tea set Twist buys Blackberry for Gyftmas.

Blackberry is not amused. He doesn’t poison everyone, Papy, c’mon.

Some of you actually stood up and recited the pledge of allegiance in school and it shows

i stand but i don’t face the flag nor do i recite

I approve

You’re officially invited to my Heck The Rules Club^TM that I just made just now

The band kids at my school had first block in a seperate building. That building generally turned the intercom down, or off. Once the principal came in and watched our class, as he do, ya know. He was upset that we didn’t do the pledge. So the next day we had to stand and do the pledge. The only person who participated was the teacher. We sat silently. It was a group decision that wasn’t discussed before hand. He said ok. Later that week a petition was delivered to the principal about the pledge and how none of the kids wanted to do that. He doubled down, and told the teacher to send any kid not participating to the office. The following Monday when his policy of sending the kids to the office was in effect the entire band class was matched down to the office.

With our interments.

The principal tried to lecture us and the trumpet players were not having it. The drum major ran us through every song right there in the office.

After that the pledge was optional.

(Quietly, but with a lot of feeling) holy s h I t

“Why I Wasn’t Contracted to Write Beauty and the Beast” by I have no idea who, and desperately want to know.  If anyone does, please tell me! Edit:  Through knmajorblogs I have discovered the genius behind this piece of art.  The genius in question is LordJazor !  Thank you!

“she warned him not to be such an apocalyptic fuck hat to strangers” “for who could ever learn to love such a cock waffle” BLESS THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

Reblogged recently, but worth reblogging again.

Nothing can top this lol

This took place in the gravity falls universe didn’t it

what year is this from? 2008?

artists on tumblr stop fukcing lying to yourselves you never draw those sticks and circles when you sketch stuff out you just die and you know it

artists tag yourselves

my brother is getting married and i’m so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony

i’m gonna yell “RUN AWAY WITH ME” to her during the vows

there are people out there genuinely worried that I’m gonna steal my brother’s bride away the day of their wedding… i’m laughing. I’ve known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this “you picked the wrong sibling” joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she’s always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad’s and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout drunk), and my brother and his girlfriend probably won’t even have a “real” ceremony, just a celebration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I’m gonna pull some stupid stunt, it’s what we do. His girlfriend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one to stop the “ceremony” to say some shit like “WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING”. please don’t take any of this seriously lmao

that said, i’m definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the “surprise stripper” with a sash that says “the sibling your should be marrying” and a shitty plastic tiara

UPDATE: 

1) for people confused about the “I’ve known her since I was born (…) she’s always been family”: She’s the granddaughter of our parents’ neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up

2) IT’S OFFICIAL, I’M GONNA BE MY BROTHER’S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH. Everything is going according to plan.

I forgot to update this post. Probably because THESE TWO SNAKES GOT MARRIED BEHIND EVERYONE’S BACK, JUST THE TWO OF THEM, AND DIDN’T TELL ANYONE. Aka, there was no ceremony. They just went and signed a piece of paper on their own. Like I said, we aren’t big on Flashy And Romantic Weddings in this family. BUT STILL, I WAS ROBBED OF MY BIG MOMENT.

That said, they still hosted a gigantic party with friends and both families with like 100 people and a good 100 bottles of champagne & 100 more of wine (we’re French, don’t judge us). A lot of food, too. And a lot of food means a lot of napkins. And a lot of napkins means I could spend the entire night writing down my phone number on them and keep obnoxiously slipping them into the bride’s hands, pockets, plate, glass, collar etc while mouthing “call me” and doing the phone hand-motion. Which she obnoxiously answered with a fake-fanning hand motion and a wink every time, btw. My own Mother slipped her a napkin on my behalf at one point, too. My brother ripped every single napkins in half. After roughly 18 times of what was probably the most annoying running gag of all time, my brother finally decided to put me in a headlock.

Anyway, these two are still disgustingly, infuriatingly, madly in love, everyone was piss drunk and we all lived happily ever after,

The End.

This is legit the cutest and most wholesome meme omg

This is so cute and I’m amazed at how many older generations they have

This so adorable 😩

Oh this is so pure 😭😭😭

Each time I waited for the fourth one to call too.... i am so unsatisfied right now...

STOP IT STOP IT NOW THIS IS SO VERY WRONG

#nothing like people in period clothing using modern technology

this is beautiful

yea but my fav

OKAY THIS CAME UP ON MY ACTIVITY AGAIN. WHY WON’T YOU LET THIS POST DIE IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS PLEASE

Someone find that post of that dude who gets stuck in an elevator cause that has this exact energy

@shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey

Exactly the same energy thank you my comrade

HI YES I ADORE THIS