Did I Forget To Laugh?

sickassjigsaw

  big little lies premiere. gonna try and find a...

NICOLE IS CELESTE, REESE WITHERSPOON IS MADELINE, AND SHAILENE WOODLEY IS JANE.  THEY HAVE SUCH A GOOD CAST I CAN’T EVEN.

big little lies premiere. gonna try and find a place to watch.  eventually.  maybe.

     There are a lot of upshots to Perry’s money and his overwhelmingly warm nature.  It’s easy for him to make friends and connections, and it’s likely one of these that has allowed for the current set up, although she’s not sure that someone else saying that their family was beautiful had quite the same appeal.  She expects it’s the money.      Besides, she feels less than beautiful today, three-quarter sleeves with the slightest hint of effervescence doing the exact job she’d chosen them for.  She’d planned on something else, a little less plain, a little more...not extravagant, because Perry would want the photos to look like an excited family, but...special.  For once, she’d worn make-up, trying to hide the red rimming her eyes, water drops to try and remove the bloodshot within.  It didn’t work.      Perry is apologetic today in action, never in words.  He’ll say nothing about her eyes, but later the way they look out of the photos might anger him.  No, they won’t.  It’ll be something she says or forgets to say, forgets to think about, and he’ll look and see.      But that won’t be for weeks.  The ball is in her court right now.      Perry has run outside with the kids, wrestling with them, and the twins are feigning flying like their father has told them they will one day be able to do on their own, just like he does.  Celeste wonders if they will share that story with their children, if the lie of flight will be his legacy.

     She turns to the photographer - Sebastian, she remembers; she’s good with names - and smiles.  “Thank you for indulging my husband, Mr. Moran.  I know we’re probably not normal for as tasteful a photographer as you are.”      Old law school student, still doing research and taking notes, making sure she’s well prepared.      Celeste is never prepared.

this is another starter call while i have celeste muse and work on the other one i owe.

review of first four episodes of big little lies: you will feel empathy for perry. me: HAH.

     It’s over.

     There were shakes before - there always were - but they’d dissipated when she was on stage, speaking into the microphone, her eyes focused on the one woman in the crowd, talking as though it were to her alone.  Perry had been right; it was far easier that way, to imagine herself speaking to one person instead of to the crowd of psychiatrists waiting to listen to her and the man speaking next to her.      The pre-shakes were nothing like the shakes that came afterward.  It was nothing like a trial; sharing her own story required a vulnerability, an openness that she’d never quite been comfortable with.  But it was important.  Necessary.  More important because this could rescue other victims.  That’s why she’d agreed.      But, perhaps, attending the conference’s ending not-quite party was not the correct decision.      Celeste had not wanted to sit in her hotel room alone, though.  The past few hours had been spent aching for her boys, all of seven years old and asleep now; Madeline was watching them, so she knew they were in good hands, had called them just before they would have nodded off.  They’d sounded...well, not happy to hear her, too preoccupied in spending time with Chloe and playing to want to talk to their mother on the phone.  She should have expected that - she did, honestly - she just...missed them.      So, instead of spending the rest of her time focused on the twins, she’d decided the event would be a good distraction.  The bar was easiest, standing just near it with a flute of champagne in one hand, sipping and watching.      And maybe conversation...about anything other than Perry.

My apologies for the wait, but I’m finally getting to the starter I owe here.  If anyone else would like one, feel free to give this post a like, and I’ll get right to it.

It is worth noting that, in terms of sexuality, Celeste is primarily heterosexual, although she’s not the sort to give labels.  In the book, this is an interesting case because we see both Madeline and Jane seeing and appreciating how other men and women look (often referencing Celeste because the book does constantly make a point of how beautiful she and Perry are, how they are royalty compared to the other parents at the school, how there are men who see Celeste at the school and stumble over themselves based on how she looks - and, in fact, this is something Celeste herself references and that I want to address later - that everyone sees looks and money (she has both) as being something they really want and she just sees both as a burden - that’s another meta entirely), the only time we see Celeste commenting on anything sexual is 1) the idea of having an affair to push her marriage off of the cliff it’s currently teetering on the edge of, or 2) the idea that Perry has basically ruined her because he’s just that good at sex.  We don’t see her noticing anyone, really, and that may be because she is primarily concerned with what is going on in her life (with good reason). It’s a stark contrast between her POV and the other two’s.

Given that the show (and, as a result, myself as well) is aging Celeste up and given that this provides an extra thirteen years in which to play with what she experiences on that end (as opposed to book canon, where she met Perry at twenty-five and, as opposed to Jane or Madeline, doesn’t take the time to compare him with any other previous lovers - by which I mean, Jane and Madeline compare their experiences with other of their experiences (Madeline, for instance, compares her second husband with her first one, and Jane compares her one night stand lover with her longtime relationship, but Celeste does not compare Perry with anyone in specific, only commenting on his prowess) - and so likely had no significant sexual/romantic relationships prior to him otherwise she would have also done the comparison thing), I have allowed myself to try and think of whether or not Celeste might have had any relationships by which her sexuality might get a better label or explanation - understand the kinds of people to whom she might be attracted (because other than Perry, the book gives us nothing). Now, I’ve added Tabitha Anne Hart as a significant part of her backstory - as a friend, a best friend, with whom she loses contact once she gets together with Perry, moves to Pirriwee, and has the twins (yet another meta in the making) - and although I’ve considered the possibly of their ending up in a relationship (which would be part of the extended Tabby meta), I’ve come to the realization that one (of the many) reasons it wouldn’t happen is that Celeste simply wouldn’t have been interested (and likely wouldn’t have taken her seriously).  This gives me a general clue as to how Celeste might be attracted to people in general. The thing is, I think before Perry Celeste was much more interested in her job.  I believe she was a career woman - not because she wasn’t at all interested in general but because that was the way her life seemed to be headed.  I also believe that Celeste was typically a cougar, not because she went after younger men but because younger men were more likely to approach her. This is where the beauty aspect comes into play.  The book describes Celeste as being beautiful enough that grown married men see her and trip and stumble and fall (quite literally), and I do believe this was a detriment to her relational life.  It’s very easy to see someone breathtakingly beautiful and convince ourselves that we don’t have a chance with them, and I think that the older we get (and the less of a support system we have that says hey, go try, go get them), the less likely most people are to take chances to make themselves look like a fool.  Celeste’s coworkers likely didn’t ask her out partially for that and partially because they might have felt a little uncouth considering their working relationships, but when it comes to bars?  Younger men were more likely to talk each other into trying something, and because they were more likely to try, they were more likely to be successful. Now, how this reflects to a female perspective - Celeste was not very likely to go to lesbian or gay bars (when she went to bars), which likely put her at even more of a distance than it would for the men (if only because heteronormativity tends to be the assumed default for unknown people).  I may be wrong on this.  However, I think even in a bar situation, if a woman were to approach her, in most cases, Celeste would be likely to say that she wasn’t interested.  Because, for the most part, she wouldn’t be.  I think there are definitely moments and situations where she might be, and I think it’s likely that it’s crossed her mind once or twice, but for the most part predominately heterosexual.

...and no significant long-term relationships prior to her relationship with Perry.

The most significant non-familial relationship Celeste has had is with her best friend from college, Tabitha Anne Hart.  They met during her undergrad and became fast friends - Tabitha is a little more outgoing and spunky as composed to Celeste, who is extremely straight-laced - and by the time they both went to grad school (the same one, both for law, both deciding that one mostly independently from each other), they began rooming together.  Two bedroom apartment, because even though Celeste was a little bit more outgoing pre-Perry, she was still a huge studier (book-canon, keeping it, she made notes and post-its for the erotic book club, my precious child) and needed the alone time every now and again.  The two of them ended up in the same law firm, and Tabitha was in the room when Celeste and Perry met (in the about page, where it’s mentioned that she had a friend say go get him, girl - that would be Tabitha).  Tabitha is also the friend who invited Celeste to work in a law firm once the kids started school, where Celeste did start working three days a week after the end of the book.