Hartford Courant, Connecticut, March 9, 1906

@the-spider-meme-man

I said what I said

"Spider-Man the Cat"... we're really feline the name.

I; Spider-Man of New York; approve this message

Texts From Superheroes

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I can neither confirm nor deny this happening... all i can (and will) say is that MR. Stark will not be outdone by Mr. Incredible

Happy: “Kid–,”

Peter, looking absolutely betrayed: “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Happy: “I didn’t mean to lie to you, I swear. I thought you knew.”

Peter, dramatic as hell: “Five years.”

Happy: “Peter–,”

Peter: “I spent five years believing that your god-given name was Happy Hogan.”

Happy: “—I’ll buy you ice cream or something, anything, just please don’t cry—,”

Peter, already tearing up: “I don’t even know who you are anymore, Harold.”

Peter: You too?!

Pepper: Peter-

Peter: No! I don’t want to hear it, Virginia

Peter: I just can’t believe they would lie to me

Bruce: What do you mean?

Peter: Happy and Pepper lied about their names!!! Like who would even do that?!!?!

Bruce, sweating: Haha yeah…

Bucky : -*silently backs out of the room*-

Yes, hello, can I just forgo having a body please? I would like to be a formless being. 

Lol mood

So bc tumblr hates links this will be hard to pass around but theres a White House petition to save the USPS

This is significantly more important than a change.org petition bc it HAS to be acknowledged if it gets enough signatures

Please sign it and reblog!

Teenager on Patrol

This is what the average patrol looks like for @the-spider-meme-man and me

...I think we might’ve gotten adopted...

I use too many devices to keep track of all the panels I’ve saved of “Peter flirting with men or otherwise indicating he’d be dtf”, so fuck it, I’m going to stick them all on this post as I rediscover them.

This shit is why Spider-Man can never join the Defenders and also why he is a widely acknowledged menace.

SIR–

What does this mean

spider-thot, spider-thot

he knows that namor’s hot

Does he swing? Yeah, both ways. Thor and Wasp both have legs for days. LOOK OUT

IT’S SPIDER-THOT

...

no comments

Look out!

This is hilarious and a legitimate reason to be late for school.

@mewtwowarrior

Hee! Oh my gosh, this is great, thanks for tagging me!

@the-spider-meme-man

Need some help?

Please?

It’s okay if your phone autocorrects ‘fuck’ to ‘duck’. You’re still using fowl language

@the-spider-meme-man

Listen!

im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to 

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I’m sorry for making you feel bad about bbies. ;;

It’s ok. I’m Spider-Man. My superpowers are basically like... enhanced anxiety

Question time: Should Lexi and I tell our kid one of her big surprises for this holiday season a bit early, or should we wait still?

How about you like. Don’t ask your followers this?

you should wait. it makes the videos so much better

Consider: Trying to hide it is literally getting harder and harder with each passing day.

i can wigglywoo it into a pocket dimension for you

You can’t do that!!!!

…oh. that surprise. i thought you meant like. a computer. an x-box. something on that scale

i can wigglywoo a perception filter over them and/or you?

We already told her about it.

Surprise, everyone, I’m having a baby!

WHAT THAT’S AWESOME CONGRATULATIONS 

Thanks! I got a trashcan in my office just for morning sickness!

oh yay, that part of pregnancy :P 

Yeah, I got it real bad.

NOONE SHOULD EVER ENTRYST ME WITH A BABY

scott lang, completely misunderstanding peter parker’s power: hey if u want man we could get tiny and just like hang out, i don’t know if you’ve ever been in a lego castle but it’s pretty sweet

peter parker: u have no idea how much physical pain having to turn this offer down is causing me but,

Scott Lang, upon realizing Peter Parker can’t shrink: oh okay no biggee, we’ll just make the LEGO castle big

Peter, ready to cry from joy: do you like Star Wars? Because I have a replica… and my friend Ned and I got it to fly…

Scott Lang, a mechanical engineer and nerd: kid you are my people

Tony, calling peter: …and may I know WHY THE HELL IS SHIELD CALLING ME ABOUT A LIFE-SIZED DEATH STAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?!

Peter: we didn’t want it to crush any buildings so we brought it out here!

Tony: THATS N O T MY POINT!!!

#and then Tony wonders when the hell HE became the responsible one#and promptly abandons his responsibilities#and jumps in his armor#to go zoom around the life size death star#pretending he’s Luke doing the trench run (via)

It got better!

I was gonna SAY, Tony would fly out there, look at the thing, and go…. No, this isn’t life size. Impressive though. Okay, bugs, put on these helmets, we’re taking this into orbit and doing this at 1:1 scale.

Sam: Barnes is gonna make an awesome Chewbacca.

Bucky: -.-

Guardians arriving back in Earth orbit for a visit: Rocket : When the **** did Earth get another moon? Peter Qull (with an indescribable look on his face, but knowing his entire life has built to this moment): That’s no moon!

(so this face?)

I am Groot!

They… did what?!

whistles innocently