3.oct.10

#taken vs single

Male gaze vs Female gaze

In the first one she’s like…literally in a cage

harry potter starts a youtube channel and all of his videos are called like:  

“STORY TIME: I WAS A TEENAGE CHOSEN ONE”

 “BABYSITTING MY FRIEND’S WEIRD DEAD HORSE (INVISIBLE)” 

“THERE ARE DARK WIZARDS TRYING TO KILL ME BUT ONLY THREE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE”

would like to add to this post and say that harry is uploading these videos to standard muggle youtube. people see this kind of scruffy, obviously Fucked Up kid rambling nonsense into his deskptop camera and just think he is really really good at shitposting

Harry, *filming himself with one hand, throwing raw meat at a seemingly empty space with the other*: “So anyways, you guys probably can’t see him through the camera lens but this weird fuck belongs to my best friend Luna who can’t actually take care of him right now because she’s out riding drag- er, um she’s on vacation in Romania so I have to do it. Um, the only reason I can see him is because I watched my close friend get murdered by an evil wizard when I was fourteen which, by the way, was around the same time I started to think I might be gay. Anyone else?”

Teens on tumblr who have no idea he’s being completely serious: “This is the only man alive who truly Gets me.”

Hermione finds out about his channel because someone she went to primary school with posts it to Facebook and then she marathons his entire channel overnight to make sure he’s not going to get arrested for breaking the statute of secrecy

Hot Take: they can’t arrest him for jackshit because Hermione shows them Muggle memes and demonstrates that the Youtube audience legitimately has no reason to believe he’s anything but an elaborate shitposter.

Slughorn:let me tell you the story of the kid who survived and killed the dark lord who was in this exact class where i teach him the most important part of potions

Muggleborn:cool cool

Slughorn:Harry Potter

Muggleborn: THE FREAKIN YOUTUBER

if Gilbert Gottfried isn’t voicing this slamming power bottom then what are we even doing here

this screenshot leaves out the best part of the character design

guy fieri couture

I think we’re not seeing the bigger picture here which is that Disney has a dating sim app, if Iago is in it then who the fuck else is in it

I cannot stress this enough, but, what the fuck

I feel like it should be clarified that the sexy anime husband next to Iago is not, in fact, Jafar.

That’s Jafar’s staff.

HIS WHAT ???

This post is a new punch in the face every time I see it

Mean Girls (2004)

October 1st

admiring 

chapter 4 - 30

teacher time :)

Buy Volume One: Amazon UK / Waterstones / Book Depository (ships internationally)

Buy Volume Two: Amazon UK / Waterstones / Book Depository (ships internationally)

every time someone chooses princess mononoke out of the ghibli lineup, despite it being my favorite there’s part of me that’s like ‘i may be a bit burnt out on this.....’ but then i watch it and i’m like oh. oh, my heart. some good fucking food. so many components and so delicious

also i don’t talk about it enough but i love san and ashitaka so much

same 

@goodtobealunatic

The cow is finally done! This ufo is also a music box; when you pull on the cow, it plays the x-files theme song!

How To Wash Your Binder!

Hey everyone, just wanted to make this is show y’all how I wash my binder and as a reminder to wash your binder!

So first off, I like to wash my binders every third day (unless it was really hot that day or if I spilled something on it, then I wash it that day)

So first I fill the sink up with warm water and put my binders in the water. Then I like to let them just soak in the water for a few minutes!

So next I use a Landry cleaner and softener

I keep them in small tubs cause I don’t need the whole bottle.

Now I leave them to soak for a couple minutes

Now I’m using dove body wash to make it smell nice and feel a lot softer

Now I let that soak for a moment

After I scrub them I drain the warm water

And then rinse them off with cold water

If any of your water turns a weird color do not worry! It’s not because it dirty, it’s just the dye!

Then I squeeze them out the best I can by hand and then I leave them to hang like this for the night!

Hope this was helpful!?

To my trans followers.

Just in case I have any followers who would be helped by this

@poisonedapples !!

First of all, I could need this lmao. Second, IF ANY OF YOU HAS A BINDER, WASH IIITTT

If you don’t wash em you can get really painful skin rashes ouo make sure you wash em!

Reblog for trans people.

Helpful! necessary info u.u

just to second that point, washing your binder is really important. i rarely wash mine and i get terrible cystic acne on my chest and back that has left permanent scarring. please please please wash your fuckin binder.

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same

Me: I think I don’t exist.

Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.

Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.

Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?

Therapist: No.

Me: Wow.

Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.

Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.

Therapist: That’s a start!

Me: I guess he’s still my friend?

Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.

Me:

Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.

Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.

Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.

Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*

Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!... Oh my name is on it!!

Me: Yeah!!

Therapist: It’s wholesome but... *very confused and silently*... How do I drink it?

Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-

Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.

Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.

Me: What-

Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS* 

Me: 

Me: Jerome.

Therapist: You went to the gaypride?

Me: Yeah, I went.

Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?

Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.

Therapist: Did you see some bears?

Me:

Me: Jerome wh-

Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it. 

Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?

Me: No, I want it!!

Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!

Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.

Therapist: That’s not very hard.

Me: I always wondered, are you queer?

Therapist: I am not.

Me: Ooh.

Therapist: Or am I?

Me: Ooh!

As an update, Jerome gave my appointment to someone’s else today so we were both in the waiting room, confused and he walked in, patted my head and said sorry but honestly it was hilarious.

The secretary came to tell me that Jerome actually forgot to write me down on the appointment list.

This is a 100% normal situation with Jerome as my Therapist.

As an addition, more than half of my friends want Jerome to adopt me and refer to him as “Therapist dad”.

He’s aware of it and think it’s hilarious.

Me, after complaining for the 25 times about my birth father: Idk if you noticed, but I’m full of anger against him.

Therapist: Oh, really, I never noticed. You know, you should turn that anger into indifference. It would help you.

Me: Unholy gods, I wish it was me.

Therapist: You know, people will still love you even if you don’t offer them things all the time. You don’t have to do that.

Me: What??

Therapist: Why don’t you send a mail to your psychiatrist when you have a bad mood swing?

Me: Like what? ‘Hey Joël wassup, I’ve been very suicidal lately last night I wanted to die. Hope you have rad vacations and the weed is good save some good kush for me, kissy kissy.’ ?

Therapist: Exactly.

Me: You’re as bad as me with human interactions Jerome, y’know.

Me, heavily dissociating: I don’t exist-

Therapist: Can I touch you to prove you that you do?

Me: Dinner first.

Therapist:

Therapist: Damien, you moron.

Therapist: You need vacations.

Me: I’m broke.

Therapist: Oh yeah.

Therapist: You still need vacations tho.

Me: Jerome, I am still broke.

Me, by text: Hey, you just walk by me!

Therapist, by text: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.

Therapist, by text: Wait. Were you at the tattoo shop?

Me, by text, totally at the tattoo shop: You have no proof.

For a bit of context here: Around two months ago I went to a friend’s who happened the live on the same street as Jerome, which I didn’t know. He was really surprised to see me and came to check on me, asking me why I was here with a bit of concern on his voice. And this take place earlier this month:

Therapist: So your friend lives in the same street than I?

Me: Yes. Town’s short I guess.

Therapist: Were you really going to your friend...?

Me: Yes?? Why else would I be here?

Therapist: A lot of drug deals happen in this street and I see often teenagers and young adults coming and buy stuffs. I was a bit worried for you.

Jerome is beautiful I want a Jerome in my life

The Avengers getting thrown forward in time for some reason and it turns out that they’ve gone down in history as legends but, somewhat like the Greek Gods, all the information and facts about them is warped almost beyond recognition and they spend the entire time in the future just being offended by how incorrect everything is

Steve: Okay so there is NO WAY they seriously think that the serum turned me into a FISH for seven hundreds years so I could survive under the fucking ice. And why the FUCK are they spelling my name as ‘Stiphin’ ??????

Tony: Well according to this history book I fucked my way through the entire population of New York and was the father of every second-generation superhero. Does that make me Zeus?

Thor, squinting at the drawings: Why do I look like Rapunzel

History Professor: And, one of the most powerful heroes of all, called himself king of the insects. With eight arms & six eyes and the chosen name of Lord Peterson, this ruler once set an army of poisonous spiders upon his mortal enemy after finding out that she had killed his family and stolen the woman he loved. It is thought that the lands were infested with spiders for years after, as a warning to anyone who attempted to challenge him

Peter, 15 years old, remembering how he can’t even pick up a spider without screaming: I did what now

This is the kind of quality content I come here for.

It’d be even funnier if Clint’s mythology is ridiculously accurate and he’s still just a regular man fighting amongst Gods.

I was not ready

@relatable-ram

Me: *clicks video*  “The hell is all this abou-”

*whistling starts*

Me: 

I love this stupid fucking meme