if i have to be who i was

@shininginyourlight / shininginyourlight.tumblr.com

do i have to be who i am?
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mjm5655

it wasn't that long, maybe a month & part of a week when he got a mysterious call from a number he didn't recognise. to his surprise, it was haruka, inviting him, & the others to okinawa to visit kiryu. majima could tell by the tone of her voice she wasn't too pleased about it, but didn't allow it to show too much in her words. majima kept the conversation short so that it wouldn't annoy her too much, they could at least be civil with each other, it wasn't much, but it was something.

in a few days later, majima, daigo, & saejima were all on a plane headed towards okinawa. instead of his usual get-up ... which was on him much less these days provided they now worked a security company, & majima had to dress much more professionally, as well as hiding his ink as despite everything being made right for them again, there was still those who would be judgmental of going to former yakuza for business ; he was dressed in a pair of shorts, & a buttoned up short sleeved shirt, purple in colour with a pattern decorating it, the others dressed similar.

the plane ride didn't take long provided they were just moving along japan, an hour was roughly all it took, but still, it drained majima, he wasn't used to travelling by air.

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❝ we should go home by sea i think next time. ❞

majima-san, we've already paid return flights, besides, i remember you puking over the side that one time we went out on a boat fishing.

daigo reminded him of the time they went on a boat, that was the last boat ride majima ever went on. sighing, he agreed it would be a bad idea, the plane wasn't too bad, it just left a ringing in his ears.

they got their luggage, and found the taxi they had ordered to take them to sunflower. they didn't want to make any of the kids or kiryu himself to come & get them, so they would show up randomly, hopefully be a nice surprise to kiryu that they accepted the invitation, & were able to make time to visit. they had the whole week available, even booked out a hotel just in case haruka didn't want them there for too long.

finally arriving at their destination, majima got out, looking around ... he could feel the heat here much more than he could in tokyo, they were right next to a beach which he didn't exactly care for, but daigo had made sure to pack them plenty of sunblock after fussing about how warm this island could get.

walking to the door, he knocked.

"--Got it." A voice spoke from not far behind the door.

The door to Morning Glory would slide open, where a young woman looked up at the unfamiliar trio of men before her. She was short, with big doe eyes looking up at them in confusion. It wouldn't take her long, though, apparently to get why they might've been here.

"Are... you here to see Uncle Kaz?" She asked tentatively. Not far behind her, it was clear as day that there were a good few people in the room not far behind her. The question must've set something in motion, though, as there was a bit of rustling after she was heard.

"Pardon the intrusion," Daigo spoke up first and bowed slightly. "We were in--" Before he could get the rest of his words out, though, Haruka would poke her head out of the room to get a look at who'd just arrived. Her eyebrows raised in surprise, having not expected them to come around so soon.

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"Ah, Izumi, I can take it from here." Haruka assured and stepped out of the room. Izumi took a few steps back, though she'd look to the trio of men briefly to offer a polite smile. She would go back into the sitting room, while Haruka took her place outside of the room. She shut the sitting room's door behind her, giving the four of them just a touch more privacy.

"Um, welcome." Haruka smiled polity, albeit with a bit more discomfort to her than Izumi had displayed. "There's always usually a few people visiting, so it's a bit cramped. I hope that's not a problem."

"We're the ones who came unannounced, Sawamura-san. Please excuse us."

"Usami, actually. But, it's okay. Calling me Haruka is less confusing," she offered, chuckling a bit. "The sitting room is a bit hard to maneuver through right now, so if you wouldn't mind," Haruka turned to step further down the hall a bit, then opened another door, "going in through here to wash your hands before joining everyone?"

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witchered

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭. they come with the pain. swallow is a bitter medicine to swallow , but long years have meant him so used to it now. it's hardly a cure-all , but it'll help things along. stop the bleed-out anyone else might suffer. help muscle and skin knit themselves back together much more quickly , and yet as a consequence his eyes darken somewhat. maybe in the limited light of the cave yennefer might not see it , but how pale he looks , the veins that seem all the more prominent just beneath his skin ... those are not easily missed.

he knows it's unlikely to be beyond her talents , healing. geralt would simply hate to make assumptions , and he can't recall the last time he asked for help if a perfectly good solution was already in hand. but yennefer offers quite freely , likely with a want to get out of here. he doesn't blame her at all , damp and unpleasant as this cave is. and so the witcher stares back , just for a moment , as if considering whether it's right to accept her help. something deserved.

geralt nods , eventually , but the small mutter of please that sits on the tip of his tongue seems to get stuck in his throat with a discomforted huff. his hand still pressed to the wound , he relents in that effort to take off his gloves. pulls them from hands shaking with adrenaline with a tug of his teeth , to feel if blood still seeps from that angry wound. a little , but not as much as it had , and it stains his palm and the splay of his fingers. ' it'll trouble me a day or two , otherwise. ' practicality. he'll let caring go for sake of practicality. @shininginyourlight

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"Understood," Yennefer nodded her head carefully. She'd give him a moment to remove his hand from his wound. Only from the light of the opening of the cave could she really see the extent of it all. She spotted the blood, the how the wound appearance, but not much else. The shadows encompassed practically every surface, but that was fine. This was all the light she needed.

Reaching out her small, lithe right hand, she lightly touched the wound. Unfazed by the feeling, she instead stared it down as she recited the Elder needed to do the healing.

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"Ilysh kwe’s perthe. Hul kwe’s kov," she spoke just above a whisper. Finishing the incantation, she carefully brought her hand back to herself and watched as the wound would start to close on its own.

"...There you are. You'll still likely feel better off after some rest, and after getting some water in you." Hydrate, replenish, and all that. Nevertheless, at least the wound was closed, bleeding effectively stopped, and the muscle beneath the surface had been taken care of, as well.

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mjm5655

❝ kiryu-chan, ya don't needa do shit. ❞

majima wouldn't allow kiryu to repay anything, everything he done for kiryu, it wasn't to benefit him ... majima wasn't like other yakuza that would only do things for others so that could be a step up in the ladder for them, no, majima earned his own way up in that world.

❝ i've never once asked ya to pay me back fer anythin', kiryu-chan, so don't ya be worryin' 'bout doin' that now. ❞

besides that, kiryu was barely in the yakuza, he did make a name for himself, the dragon of dojima, even became the chairman of the tojo clan for a short moment, but everything majima had done for him ... he wasn't in the yakuza during those times, just simply a civilian that got themselves involved ... or well, one that was pulled into it.

someone that got his reputation couldn't simply leave that lifestyle behind, majima even found that true for himself. when he tried to run a construction company at first ... it was nothing but chaos, he found that company of his only really progressed when he rejoined the tojo clan, & had a clear goal in sight.

checking the time, majima noticed that visiting hours were almost up, he would have to bid his farewell to kiryu, promise that he could visit as soon as he could.

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❝ the nurses' be in here soon demandin' i leave, so, kiryu-chan, okinawa, uh ? you can count in me that i'll have me, daigo, n' saejima on the next available plane, just let a shout out when yer gettin' released, ok ? ❞

Was it that late already? What a shame... Kiryu didn't have the words to argue, though. He supposed that made sense, given how Majima had mentioned the fact that he was avoiding Haruka. Hm. He'd have to try to defuse that, especially with the invitation he'd given to the three of them.

He'd far prefer them begrudgingly getting along than a petty fight. Kiryu just wanted to enjoy being around everyone without thinking primarily about his condition.

He nodded his head, listening to Majima.

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"I'll be sure to let you know. It might be another month, I think. The nurses have tried to explain courses and cycles to me a ton of times, but it all goes in one ear and out the other," Kiryu joked lightly, but it was still basically the truth. For all he knew, it just felt like he was spending an eternity here, and occasionally some time in an apartment close to the hospital.

"But... we'll let you know. Me, or one of the kids," He assured.

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ANOTHER CRUEL DAY IS COMING SOON

independent roleplay blog for v and johnny silverhand from the cyberpunk series // mixes canon // over 15 years of writing and rping // crossover friendly // multiship // oc selective // written by pudding

graphics and carrd by: endlesswood

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mjm5655

happy that she was fine with the table picked, majima walked up to it with her, moving the chair out from the table for her to sit upon before getting into his own.

❝ 'pends by what what ya mean by here. ❞

if here in kamurocho, it was actually one of the first places that majima rushed off to, specifically the batting arenas, he hadn't been in them for so long, he had missed the hobby of his ... it wasn't the same without his brother though. he still didn't really know what to make of this kiryu either, they had met, but the other had just scoffed at him, & didn't bother giving him the fight he had desired. he had to really figure out what way to get a fight with that dude.

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❝ kamurocho's my home, y'know ? i guess i been in sotenbori so long now, it could be 'sidered a second home, but it's kind o' left a bit o' a bad taste in my mouth with all that's happened. was pretty much a prison fer me. ❞

if majima could remember correctly, this cafe didn't really do table service, so he would have to figure out what makoto wanted, & go up to the desk to counter to order it for her. though, they had switches on the desks now ... maybe they had started moving along with the times, and started table service.

❝ any idea what ya wanna order yet ? i think i'm gonna go with their beef curry, it's apparently really good ... not really big on tea or coffee, so i'm probably just gonna ask 'em fer whatever when it comes to that. ❞

Makoto's expression softened, listening to Goro tell her that. She felt bad for him. Part of her was grateful for the city, though. Sotenbori had been been her home for a time, where she'd been able to feel safe while with Lee. Of course, until it just wasn't that anymore. Even still, it was there where she'd end up on Goro's radar, too.

She had a lot to appreciate it for. She could understand why Majima wouldn't feel the same, though she didn't know all of the details. It didn't feel like it was her place to pry, especially not while they were in public.

Before she could find the words to respond to him, though, he'd go on to ask her about her order. Oh-- right. Right, um...

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Makoto look toward the menu, getting a quick look at it. It was still amazing to her that she was even able to read it.

"The toast set looks good," She told him. "It comes with a drink, too. I think some Earl Grey would go well with it." Something light, but energizing so she might be able to keep up with Goro.

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mjm5655

majima knew, that it was useless to think that this would end any different ... he just didn't want to believe it that kiryu-chan would be dying before him ... if he didn't get any assassination attempt that became a success ... majima had lost count of how many of those he's survived at this point. become a big part of anything, there'll be a giant target on one's back.

❝ i know ... ❞

head down as kiryu reassured him that he'll get back to a more healthy state, but it still didn't change the fact that he was on limited time.

to hear he was getting to return back to okinawa ... that made majima smile ... he knew how much that place meant to kiryu, & that it would be much more easier for him to recover when he was surrounded by the kids of the orphanage.

inviting him, daigo, & saejima, eh ? majima looked up, eyebrow raised ... he could imagine that might cause issue with haruka, but ... majima would like to see kiryu outside of this kind of environment, a hospital where one was left alone the majority of the time, only being seen to by the doctors & nurses regularly, it wasn't a good place to recover ... majima would like it if kiryu could get back to a familiar place, & a place he hadn't been to in literal years, but missed dearly.

❝ yea, it's busy ... but i'm sure we can manage it, i always wanted to go to okinawa, kiryu-chan ... ever since ya left the first time, 'member ? we fought on the top o' the tower, was the only way ya could convince me back to the tojo clan ... ❞

that was a good fight, even if it did end in frustration for majima as kiryu left, with some uncertainty on what he was signing up for again.

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❝ i miss 'em years, i would do anythin' fer ya, kiryu-chan ... yer a lucky man, wouldn't even do the same fer my old boss when i broke my chains on him. ❞

It all felt like so, so long ago. When Haruka was still small and his biggest problem in that moment was just who'd be able to guide Daigo. Despite the hiccups along the road, Kiryu did feel like Majima had done well in keeping at that favor for him. Doing what he knew that he himself should have been the one to put the work in.

But god, he'd wanted out of that life so badly.

Well, that didn't last long.

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"...I am," Kiryu agreed, letting out a sigh as he'd let his back rest against the wall. Just sitting up was tiring him out, but the wall would help, at least. He had to make the effort. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, Majima no niisan." He'd never voiced it very well before, he knew that. Better... late than never, right?

"I wish there was something I could do to repay you for your kindness. ...I just have nothing to offer but myself my words."

Did his words really amount to anything nowadays?

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@mjm5655 sent: “ Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ” absolutely unhinged comedic relief | accepting

Mornings were slogs for Kiryu. He spent a lot of time sleeping, but it never felt enough. But it was in the mornings when he was at least urged out of bed. Urged to get up, dressed, wash up if he had the strength.

Sometimes it was Haruka helping him, sometimes it was Ayako. All the kids kinda took their turns. Kiryu had long since stopped resisting their help.

Since Majima, Saejima, and Daigo had come to visit, though, it seemed like he got Majima greeting him more often than not. And--

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Well.

That was a about as bluntly put as it'd ever been.

A small, tired grin pulled itself to Kiryu's face. It didn't bother him, or even really affect him much at all. It just felt... normal, even though they'd never said anything like that to each other before.

"That's a new one," Kiryu remarked. For most people, he probably just would've let it go. Move on, don't draw any attention to it. For Majima, though? And for the fact that both of them were alone? ... It was time to tease him a bit.

"Is that the greeting I'll get every morning now?"

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calliesmemes

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

  • “   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”
  • “   Hungry? Eat the government. ”
  • “   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”
  • “   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”
  • “  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”
  • “   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”
  • “   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”
  • “   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”
  • “   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”
  • “   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”
  • “   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”
  • “   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”
  • “   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”
  • “   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”
  • “   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”
  • “   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”
  • “   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”
  • “   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”
  • “   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”
  • “   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”
  • “   I really do hate thinking. ”
  • “   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”
  • “   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”
  • “   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”
  • “   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”
  • “   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”
  • “   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”
  • “   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”
  • “   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”
  • “   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”
  • “   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”
  • “   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”
  • “   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”
  • “   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”
  • “   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”
  • “   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”
  • “   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”
  • “   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”
  • “   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”
  • “   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”
  • “   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”
  • “   You look so biteable today. ”
  • “   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”
  • “   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”
  • “   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”
  • “   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”
  • “   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”
  • “   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”
  • “   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”
  • “   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”
  • “   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”
  • “   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”
  • “   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”
  • “   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”
  • “   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”
  • “   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”
  • “   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”
  • “   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”
  • “   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”
  • “   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”
  • “   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”
  • “   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”
  • “   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”
  • “   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”
  • “   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”
  • “   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”
  • “   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”
  • “   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”
  • “   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”
  • “   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”
  • “   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”
  • “   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”
  • “   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”
  • “   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”
  • “   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”
  • “   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”
  • “   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”
  • “   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”
  • “   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”
  • “   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”
  • “   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”
  • “   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”
  • “   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”
  • “   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”
  • “   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”
  • “   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”
  • “   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”
  • “   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”
  • “   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”
  • “   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”
  • “   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”
  • “   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”
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mjm5655

he could tell by kiryu's expression he was maybe annoyed to hear about majima's & haruka's relationship, & that was when majima knew he had to say something, he wouldn't allow haruka to get a telling off or whatever kiryu was planning over him.

❝ 'ey, kiryu-chan, i can tell what yer thinkin', don't bother the kid 'bout it, it's fine, i know i did some messed up stuff when i was younger, kidnappin' her to just get ya mad enough to fight me ... it never occurred to me at the time i coulda probably scarred the kid fer life. she doesn't hafta forgive me, n' don't be forcin' her to. ❞

that was a bit disheartening to hear that kiryu wasn't really getting better ... maybe they were too late to convince him, majima bowed his head lower, not wanting kiryu to see his face in case he started to do the ugly crying. kiryu-chan was a younger brother to him when it came to yakuza, not that they were yakuza anymore, but that's how majima would see him always. despite saying things like he wanted to be the one to kill kiryu ... he actually wanted to protect him. to make sure he was strong enough to hold his own. even when kiryu left the yakuza lifestyle behind him ... majima still wanted to be there for him.

the yakuza lifestyle never left kiryu though ... always getting dragged into tojo clan, & omi alliance drama ... as well as a number of others from what majima heard. & then the daidoji ... only now kiryu's broken free of their hold over him.

then kiryu started talking about how long he had left ...

that was enough for majima.

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❝ stop that. ❞

majima rose his head again, this time with tears streaming down one side of his face, his eyepatch sitting slightly weird, revealing some of the scarring that laid beneath it from having his head bowed for a while.

❝ stop actin' like this is the end, kiryu-chan, you're gonna push through this, you're gonna s-survive, o... kay ? ❞

Arguing was useless. Kiryu knew what the doctors had already told him. It was terminal. All of this effort was just to give him a bit more time, rather than practically giving himself over like he had been before. That fact likely wasn't something Majima wanted to or needed to hear right now, when clearly this whole situation appeared to make him so upset.

"I'll... feel better once this round is over. The side effects just make it a lot worse..." Kiryu moved on. Better than deluding Majima, and better than thinking too much on the realities. He doubted Majima would want him saying anything about the tears, either. Everyone cried around him nowadays. He still wasn't used to to it. He didn't really know what to say. "I usually gain some weight back between rounds," He assured quietly.

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"You, Daigo, and Saejima should all visit when I'm back in Okinawa. I know you three are awfully busy with the security company, though. I wouldn't be upset if you couldn't find the time to." He just knew he'd at least have a bit more energy after treatments compared to now during them.

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@ichihero sent: i’ll take my clothes off if it’ll inspire us. / ALSO ZHAO JUST BECAUSE critical role sentence starters | accepting

"Well, if you insist--"

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"I could definitely go for a little inspiration. Maybe a little stress relief, too." Zhao could practically hear the pairs of eyes rolling beside and behind him. Hearing Nanba groan low in quiet exasperation made Zhao's grin grow slightly. Really, the party should've been used to their shit by now.

"That's definitely not necessary, Ichiban--"

"Nah, man. Let 'im inspire us."

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@ichihero sent: forgiveness - that’s the key, isn’t it? it’s the only way to really grow. / for Zhao, up to you who they're talking about 💫 critical role sentence starters | accepting

He could handle Kasuga's tripe more times than not. Not like he could really fault the guy for trying to be so optimistic, loving when a person's life is falling apart around them. People reformed after prison often didn't have support systems, and that was how they fell back into their old ways. Zhao understood it, he really did. Even the bullshit when it came to Masato. Not like he could blame him when he'd been in a similar situation with Mabuchi.

But this?

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"Forgiveness is one thing. Lettin' Mitamura stay with us is a completely different matter entirely."

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