Pee Pee Poo Poo (Masaharu x MC) Fanfic
Yes the MC has a name, I’m sorry to those that prefer (Y/N)
I was going to make a version w/ (Y/N) and w/o commentary but I just could not be bothered
“Please come with me to a party!” Rina’s hands are clasped tightly together in front of her. A look of nervousness covers her face. When she told me she had something serious to ask of me after work, I wasn’t expecting this. She knows how much of a risk it is for me to go outside, being a wanted fugitive and all. I don’t care about what would happen to me, I just don’t want her getting caught up in any of my problems.
“You do know how ridiculous of a request that is right?”
“Yea… but it was worth an ask.” She sulks dejectedly, whatever the reason may be, I want to hear it.
“Why do you need me for some party?”
“A few days ago, some new recruits were talking behind my back. They were poking fun at how I didn’t have a boyfriend at my age and claimed I was just into hook-ups.” If only they knew who she was dating, they would shut their traps. The thought amuses me but I know Rina wouldn’t like it if I threatened them to shut up.
“I got fed up with their remarks and told them I’d bring my boyfriend to one of their parties.” Hachiko has always been the brave but stupid type. “I didn’t want to bring some random guy because I felt as if I would be betraying you..” God, the expression on her face was adorable. A fugitive like me doesn’t deserve someone as precious as her. “It’s okay, I’ll just tell them he was too late to make it.” I know what I’m about to say defies all rationality and common sense. But hey, a man’s gotta trust his gut, especially when it comes to his girl. “Alright, you win. I’ll come to the stupid party, but I’ll be in full disguise mode and lounging around in a corner.” A smile that is worth ignoring all the rationality in the world erupts on her face. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” Rina looks as if she just chugged a pack of Red Bull down. She gives me a peck on the cheek, much to my surprise. “I’ll text you the location and time when I get my hands on it!” Picking up her feet, she turns around and heads for her room. “Wait.” I grab her right sleeve. Confused, she turns her head around to face me and at that moment, I plant a kiss on her cheeks. “That’s payback for what you did,” I give her a smirk. She mumbles something underneath her breath but it’s inaudible to me. However, judging by her slight wobble back to her room, I can tell she enjoyed it.
The day of the party, Rina has instructed me to come meet her by the bookstore in front of the station. As I stare at my perfectly put disguise laid out on my bed, I get a knock on the door. Inui peeks his head into my room. “Can you go pick up some groceries?” “Sure.” I can make it back in time to change into my disguise then head to the party. “The least you could do is pick up ingredients since you don’t know how to cook a meal even if your life depended on it.” A mischievous Hino peaks his head in. As much as I would love to blast his head for making that comment, I could never while Inui was here. “What’s with the get-up?” Hino turns his gaze over to the disguise on the bed. “Nothing much, just don’t touch it, I’ll be leaving now.” I leave the base with a very clear feeling that Hino would definitely touch it.
Moments later, I’m walking through the streets as strangers stride past by me. That took forever. I grumble with my hands full of groceries, making my way back to the car. The last item on the list were these stupid tapioca balls that I basically searched the entire city for. “She better make something good with them.” I tuck the list back into my shirt pocket, the name of the preparator was written right next to the desired ingredient. Rina’s scribbled name looks petite and rushed. She probably had the idea to make bubble tea at the last minute. I put the load of paper bags into the trunk and slam it down sturdy. “Now let’s go home and-” “Masaharu Ryuzaki?” What? “I think you have the wrong person, sir.” “Then turn around and let us see your face.” Crap, I don’t have time for this. Best thing I can do right now is… RUN! I break out into a sprint, hoping to get these men off my track.
“There’s nowhere for you to go.” In the midst of the chase, I find myself face to face with an inescapable path. How did they manage to find me? This is the first time I’ve ever been recognized with my disguise in. These sunglasses should have hidden my identity completely! (No shade but that is actually his in-game “disguise.” A pair of sunglasses.) “Hear me out gentleman, I don’t want to fight you or anything.” “Do you not remember what you did to us?” “I don’t even remember who you are.”
< Insert the mysterious men explaining a crime Masaharu committed against their group as he shows Masaharu a scar he gave him during their previous encounter. I can’t be bothered to write this up >
Finally, he finishes explaining. I look up at the sun which has already begun its descent. I’m going to be late at this rate. I wasn’t planning on shedding any blood today but my girl’s going to be waiting for me soon.
I stuff the gun back into my pocket, the men lay in anguish on the floor. (Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor). I didn’t kill them, just immobilized their movement. I look at my watch which has bits of blood splattered on it. Agh, damn! That fight took a hell load of time. If I didn’t have my gun on me, it’d have taken even longer. Rina won’t mind me being 15 minutes late to the party...right? I steer the car through the bustling city, not even making time to get home. The groceries and disguise can wait, hopefully they don’t mind seeing bits of blood on my outfit. I park my car outside of the train station, getting out to look around for Rina. Damn, she’s not in front of the book store, probably already at the party. The building is of walking distance from the station and with a parking spot already found, I begin my walk to the party. Entering the party alone must have taken her a lot of guts, even after what she told her co-workers. Plus, I don’t want to look like I just ghosted her on this meeting. I grab my phone out, I already told Rina that I would be late but she hasn’t seen my message yet. Rustling my hair in frustration, random thoughts enter my brain. Maybe forcing them to shut up wouldn’t be so bad an idea? (LET IT ALL OUT LET YOUR FEELINGS OUT, LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL ABOUT - Zela) No, get it together, Rina wouldn’t want you to do that. As I’m walking through the area, I hear a conversation that perks my ears. “We’re now officially husband and wife.” A couple snuggles together, leaving the marriage bureau.
“I can’t wait to see my lovely husband when I get home from work.” While their PDA makes me stay away from them, it makes me think. If Rina and I were married… when she came home from work, I would be able to welcome her home with a warm (yet deadly) meal, we could take a bath together and afterwards (insert something definitely NSFW). These fuzzy imaginative thoughts fill my head for the remainder of the walk.
This should be the right apartment number, I study the text Rina had sent me a few days ago. Light emits from underneath the door and I can hear chattering from inside. However, none of the voices belong to Rina. I knock on the door before opening it with caution. “Hello, I’m Rina’s husband, Rasaharu Myuzaki.” (can you tell I put much effort into creating the name?)
“Husband?!” I can hear the shock come from a couple of girls. Crap! I got it mixed up with the couple’s conversation. (SPY X FAMILY REFERENCE, IF YOU GET IT, I LOVE YOU)
Before I could clarify the mix up, Rina speaks up on my behalf.
“Yes, Masa- Rasaharu is my husband, so with this, can you stop talking bad behind my back, Chisaki?” I glance at who I assume is Chisaki, the one who started all of this.
“Myuzaki, you’re covered in blood.” A gentleman offers me a towel which I kindly accept. “Thank you. I work as a butcher so I often deal with chopping up pigs, especially pigs that think it is okay to talk shit about my wife.” I give Chisaki a look that tells her she better leave this country or she’ll be dead by midnight. My plan works and Chisaki immediately gets down on her knees in front of Rina and begs for her forgiveness. Three other women who I can assume to be part of her posse also do the same. Rina looks relieved, having this situation come to a close, however, there’s a hint of unrest on her face. “Now that we’re done here-” I tug at her waist. “I will be taking my lovely wife away, I hope you all don’t mind.” The confusion on Rina’s face is clear as day but she still leaves with me after saying her farewells.
The ride to the spot was a silent one, where Rina just spent the entire time trying to rub the blood off my clothing and face. (omg girlfriend goals <3) “Where is this place?” I stop the car near the edge of a cliff, the both of us get out and walk closer towards the edge. Before us is the city and the night sky. The lights create an orange like hue over the city, making it almost impossible to take my eyes off it. Compared to the noise and bustle of the city, the deafening silence here almost sounds unreal. “Found this place a while ago, thought you might want to blow some steam off here.”
“How did you know I was stressed?”
“As if you would be satisfied enough with just an apology from Chisaki.” Rina gives me a warm smile. “You’re right.” She cups her hands over her mouth and inhales. “EAT (doodoo) HONEY! I BET YOU CAN’T EVEN GET A DECENT BOYFRIEND WITH YOUR RAT ASS A T T I T U D E!” At the end, there’s a quick silence but then we both burst out into laughter. “That’s my girl!” I cup my hands over my mouth just like what Rina did. “TALK (doodoo), GET HIT.” At this point, Rina is doubling over with laughter. This little screaming session continued on for a while until our lungs could not scream anymore.
“...I’m glad you came.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well...before I even entered the room, I could hear them berating insults about me. I felt really down thinking that maybe you weren't really coming.”
“I sent you a text that I would be late.”
Rina checks her phone and looks at me with a sheepish smile, “sorry,” she laughs.
“But luckily, your amazing husband was here to save the day, right?”
“Husband? That is a very bold thing for you to say.”
“Why? You can’t see me giving you a ring one day?” I throw a little joke at Rina but her reaction is completely different from what I expected. With her face beat red, she punches my arm.
“Anyways, didn’t you say you were going to wear a ‘disguise?’” I can tell she’s embarrassed by my joke so I let it slide. “You’re not going to question the blood?”
“I trust that you didn’t kill anyone?”
“You’re correct, just had to deal with some guys from the past.”
“Oooh, look at my hubby acting so brave and strange.”
“Now look who’s saying husband.”
We spend the rest of the night just bantering as I think, ‘she’d make a lovely wife one day.’
“Shouldn’t we be going home soon? I’m hungry.” Rina asks me.
Home? Hungry? Food? OH CRAP. I left the groceries in the car. I think of how much the car is going to stink because of the fish that was left in there for at least an hour. Fuck my life.
When I get home, I remember that I left my disguise on my bed. Entering my room, my disguise is missing. Instead, there’s a clown costume on my bed and all the clothes in my closet are missing. “What the ever loving fuck?” And there’s only one person on this damn earth who knew about this and would do it. “H I N O.”
I come into work with a bright and cheery face. On my way to work, I got a free coffee for being the one millionth customer and got to pet an adorable puppy. So, tell me why, do I hear Chisaki blasting her mouth off first thing in the morning? “I heard Rina was spotted in the red light district with someone.”
“And he looked younger than her, is she planning on being a cougar?”
This isn’t the first time I heard this from them. I did not want to start a fight right then and there.
“I was not in the red light district yesterday and I do have a boyfriend who is older than me, in fact. If you want to see him, I’m willing to bring him to a party.”
“Really now?” Chisaki looks me up and down suspiciously.
“Then bring him. We’ll all bring our boyfriends too so they can all talk.”
“Oh how considerate of you, make sure to text me the details.” As I walk away from Chisaki and her grouper, I begin screaming in my head. IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT, I D I O T. Ahhhhh, how am I supposed to ask Masaharu?
After Masaharu gives me a surprise kiss on the cheek, my face instantly reddens. “That’s payback for what you did.”
“I didn’t know revenge was supposed to be this sweet.” I mumble under my breath, hoping he didn’t hear me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute.
Ah fuck, Masaharu didn’t show up at our designated spot. I’m standing in front of the door. I’m already late and even worse, my boyfriend isn’t here with me. What was I expectating? More than this being dangerous, it was plain stupid.
When Masaharu called himself my husband, my brain went full on meltdown. H-h-husband? Is he into marriage roleplay? Anyways, I can use this chance to finally shut Chisaki up once and for all.
“Why? You can’t see me giving you a ring one day?” YOU DON’T JUST RANDOMLY PROPOSE TO A GIRL LIKE THAT!!!!! DJDLDSSDF. I punch Masaharu on the arm to hide my embarrassment, THAT’S THE SECOND TIME ALREADY IN THIS FANFIC (yes I just threw a 4th wall moment in like that)
“Hey Masaharu?”
“Hm?”
“Why does the car smell like rotten fish?”
When I get to work the next morning, Chisaki comes up to me. “I’m so sorry for talking shit behind your back for a while now!”
“It’s okay, let’s put it behind us now.”
“But I do have to say, how come you never told me you had such a sexy husband?” Wait what, excuse the fuck me? You wanna fucking fight for my mans?