Being a person of color and trans is so weird. It’s great to get to see so many people have such body positivity for themselves in the community but it feels so isolating at the same time. I get to see people in my shared community become so happy with themselves but at the same time they aren’t me. It messed up my sense of identity for awhile when I first came to terms with being transfem because I wanted to look like a girl so I’d look to other transfems and take inspiration from them. This made me have such an urge to straighten my hair and use white feminine clothing instead of embracing one’s from my own culture. I couldn’t find anyone who was brown and trans so I didn’t know what that would look like.
I understand that there is no one way to look like a man or a woman and no one way to be trans but for any whites reading this think back to how it was pre-transition, pre-coming out, pre-realization. Remember that sense of being lost, how you knew something was different about you but you hadn’t seen anything nor found the terms to describe it. That’s a lot like how it felt for me being trans but not being able to see myself in anyone else who was.
Eventually I found myself but I had to form an identity of what a multiracial trans woman looked like to me mostly on my own. I looked at all sorts of aspects of my cultural and picked ones that felt feminine. I found the black is beautiful movement which helped me find that I didn’t need to straighten my hair to grow it long but instead grow it out into an Afro. I wear ponchos and flowy clothing similar to my Native American family. I’m glad I found myself but I still am constantly struggling to feel like a women because of the pressure of only seeing white trans people.
I know I don’t speak for every trans poc but I know that everyone of us struggles to find and maintain our image and our voice in this movement. Just know that we do exist and everything we do with our identity is just as beautiful and just as important as any other member of the trans community! <3
Also sidenote: don’t try and act like your antigovernment and for decolonization if you don’t seek out the input of those colonized and oppressed the most by said system. The same struggle does not mean the same scale, remember that.