i live for the gay panic

to be so lonely || 1.6k

tw: mental health issues, hints of depressive episode

'Dear Diary, I’m pathetic. There is no other reasonable explanation as to why I feel this hollowness in my chest. Today, as of March 1st, the first day of the month, girls are sitting with their brothers on the couch, and little boys take their dogs for a walk by the park nearby. Balls bounce on the walls and whole families laugh at something playing on TV. And then there’s me. Sitting on my old high school ground, watching all those stories unfold right before my eyes. Dear Diary, the wind damps my eyes, or is it the feelings behind my eyelids, I could never tell the di-’

A sudden gush of air snaps Eliott’s notebook closed. He clenches his fists between his legs letting his head fall with a thud against the tree he’s leaning on. A wave of tears spring at the corner of his eyes, and he clenches them shut, willing the wetness away. The biting wind is unforgiving, pulling at the hood of his sweater until it’s halfway off, and with it, his earbuds.

"If... If it's worth something, I could never forget you. The memory of you, it's etched in every cell of my body. I don't think my body is capable of forgetting you. So even when I'm not here anymore, or, just the dust of me, I guess, you'll still be remembered."

"..."

"You know... you know the big bang theory? It says that everything we know is the product of an explosion of stars and supernovas. By that logic, humans are made of the same stuff stars are made of, at least to some extent. And... and that also means that no matter where I am, a speck of the universe will always remember you. That's cool, right?"

"Yeah."

"So you don't have to be afraid anymore."

"Thank you, Lucas."