i thought it would hurt my bubble, long and blue, sitting heavy and idle like an anchor on a sand prayer dragging the hopes and dreams and wishes i had locked away for us damning them to the bottom of the sea as they slowly run out of air 

i thought it would hurt the way my bones bent trying to reach my back marred, twisting and twisting as i paw at the raw flesh breaking as i aim for the callous behind my heart

i thought it would hurt  wrapping trembling, destructive fingers around a delicate silver grip the scream of all my muscles as i pulled and pulled and pulled a blade’s supposed to do more damage on its way out than when it exits

i thought it would hurt when you decided to leave the way you’re supposed to fall asleep slipping away unnoticed until it’s too too late  barring my presence from the world from which i am exiled shedding me inch by inch like the skin upon a snake

i expected it to be white hot i pictured the crack of the dam’s seal  |i anticipated the carnage i braced for the blood, the guts, the tears

but when the time came  and the doors all locked without goodbye i realized it didn’t hurt at all  and when the dust settled, gray and dry,  i realized none had gotten into my lungs

and i was breathing just fine

i thought it would hurt long,  i thought the pain would never slack but lighter is all that i feel in my lungs, in my heart, and even in my bloodied back

some days i think it'd genuinely kill some of my friends to value me more than a trinket that lives on their shelves

starting any second now i will proceed to scream for one thousand years