No reason

Being on your phone in bed at home during your free time: this sucks I'm wasting my life away what am I doing

Being on your phone at work:

if i had absolute power i would be really chill with it actually. i would never corrupt absolutely. i would keep it real niceys. heart

thinking about how much work i could get done if i would do it

i like when people say "how could you eat an innocent animal" because it implies it's okay to eat guilty animals

every chicken i have ever tasted the flesh of was convicted by a jury of their peers for arson, murder, tax evasion, etc

april fools day is actually the most sensible day of the year because it's the only day on which people will read something on the internet and stop for a second to consider whether or not it's actually true

ppl like “i was a gifted kid but now im dumb as shit ahhhh im so sad now weeeeh” shut the fuck up i grew up smart as shit and i’m smart now and i’ll die smart as fuck too. youre nothing.

she's 25? she should be in her bed on her phone

i can't lie to you i loveee bad endings sometimes. what if nothing worked out. what if the characters gave into their worst instincts. what if they became worse. what if there's truly no hope left. what will they do out of desperation? who will they become as their worst selves?

if parks and rec was still being made they’d do a bit where ron swanson has to wear a pronouns name tag and it’d just be “???/???” And it’d cut to a talking head of him going

“I’ve been a fool all this time. It’s bad enough the government knows my name, but now they want to know my gender? So I’m not letting them know my preferred pronouns. As far as I’m concerned, no one in this building should refer to me at all.”

Weeping with unrestrained joy at the aquarium because I saw a fish

i just have to make it through the next few or tens or hundreds or thousands of weeks. until i'm dead

Went outside and saw a bat flying around. Then i saw a toad in the yard. Straight up like a witch’s brew out there . Stay safe