Dearest Tumblr!

I have returned from my meditative retreat atop the secluded mountain of the Pikaman, to resume my duties as Chief Merch Officer of the @emporium.

But Abstract Reactions will forever be in my heart — I’m even considering getting them tattooed! 

Just to refresh your memories, on April 1st, Tumblr provided you with a bunch of Reactions to use on posts! Specifically, the emojis I had most recently used on my phone… I’m SO proud of how much incredible ENGAGEMENT the product received. 

Over 100,000 of you spirited react-ers participated — and how many reactions did everyone use, you might wonder? Well, wonder no longer, I’ll tell ya! 

The special SUPER reactions of 🦄, Pikaman, 🍪, and even me, Brick myself, were unlocked over 15,000 times!

And at least one clever person figured out that I never thought about checking if someone could send negative reactions, so it turns out someone sent in over 120 million negative 🧀 reactions! So many cheesed posts got un-cheesed with that anti-cheese — and you know what, I’m not even mad about it! 

Here’s to 🐛! Cheers!

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

😌😌😌💫🫧🦀😌😌😌😌😌😌🫢

🐴🐛🌈🧀❄️🫧✨😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😴😦🫢😔😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌🌱💫❣️✨🐛🐴🦀🫧⛰️

Oh, Tumblr, Tumblr, Tumblr. 

The response to the Abstract Reacts has been overwhelming. Your humble Brick has been—well—humbled. 

But as Chief Reactions officer, I know this product can be even better. You don’t even know what you don’t even know you’re missing out on yet. The perfect version of the feature is somewhere out there, waiting to be born. All it needs is a genius (me) to come up with it!!

So beginning tomorrow, I’ll be taking a sabbatical.

Not an enforced vacation to Clawland this time, but instead a purposeful journey up the mountains to the Cave of the Pikaman. 

There, I will dine solely on caterpillar juice and pure vanilla extract, and begin an extended silent meditation course, which will lead me down the sacred spiritual road of Enhanced Product Experience and More Clicks!!!!!!

While I’m gone, Roberd will continue running the Emporium, and business will continue as usual, but alas our beloved Reactions will be temporarily made unavailable. Of course, they will continue to exist in your minds and hearts. 

And who knows? Perhaps even in your dreams. 

Brick Whartley Chief Reactions Officer (On Leave) Chief Officer of Merchandising and Physical Engineering (On Leave)

Boy, now wouldn't that be great? I can't think of a better way to honor the hard-working crabs of the @emporium. Unfortunately, I'm a bit busy building Reactions right now! So for now I'll put it on the Great Ideas Pile!

My Dear Tumblr, 

Hoo boy. All these reactions floating through the dashboard air are making me feel a bit squiffy. They’re damn near intoxicating! 

When I tell you, I am overcome with the sweet smell of success… you know, I’m not usually an emotional guy. I come from a long line of Bricks, and we pride ourselves on being, well, Bricks. But gosh, if I’m not near tearing up at the beauty of the rainbow of reactions I see before me. I probably should’ve included a 🌈 as a reaction! 

Could it really be happening? That I launch a new product, and it’s not shut down within a day, sending me soaring right back to exile in Clawland where I land on my unmentionables with a loud THUMP?! Is this something I can really, truly be proud of?!??

Ladies and gentlecrabs, I don’t know what to say…

But I do know what to SELL! 

Get your Abstract Reacts MERCHANDISE right over here, at the Emporium! My loyal deputy Roberd has whipped up a batch of absolutely smashing posters based on the admittedly incomplete set of reactions that you’ve been delighting in all day. 

For a limited time only, you can react to stuff IN REAL LIFE! So what are you waiting for? There’s a new button to click and it says BUY NOW! 

Brick Whartley Chief Reactions Officer Chief Officer of Merchandising and Physical Engineering (On Leave)

The honor is all mine! Please call your cat Brick Pawtley! That's just about the best name I can think of! Doesn't get much better than that!

MINED CRAFT

Hey Chocolate! Well, I appreciate you coming to me with your problems. I'd recommend being born with a sunny disposition and a lot of energy to work hard to make your dreams come true. If you weren't born with those things like I was, try nabbing a GREAT PRODUCT or five to help you achieve them. Physical or digital, whatever works for you! Once you have maximized the efficiency of your workflow, happiness will probably come quickly down the pipeline! Or I'm not Brick Whartley! Which I am!

Wow, take a look at that bird! It's fantastic!

Well, during my multiple enforced sabbaticals on Clawland, I actually got pretty good at Crab Sports! You know: Crab Tennis, Crab Chess, Crab Curling, that sort of thing. All the rules change every day depending on the weather—really keeps a man on his toes! I was ripped!

But ever since I came back to Tumblr I've just been too busy to get out there and shoot hoops, you know. I'm falling behind on my macros and goals! Getting a little squidgy round the Bricky middle! But I'm sure I'll bounce back, as soon as I get some spare time! Who knows when that'll happen? There's still so much to do! Products to launch and updates to ship!

Controversy? What controversy? Everyone LOVES my great new reaction product! It's a hit, no doubt about it. Look at how many posts have reactions! And how many reactions those posts have! We're maxing out the system! Not only is engagement skyrocketing, but it's SO fun to look at! Yup, Brick's done it again!

Checkmarks? C'mon! Those are so a few months ago. Hey, I'm just one Brick, after all, and I've gotta focus on the next new big thing, not dawdle fondly over products of yesteryear. It's all REACTIONS, REACTIONS, REACTIONS over here for me now!