Dear Music Festival Boiz...
(I wrote this while slightly tipsy after Lollapolooza. Disclaimer most of the people I met were awesome!)
You are very cute and I am have a lot of fun; meeting new people, seeing all these bands, hanging out with you - all great but...
I know I’m beautiful, you don’t have to remind me ever 3 minutes; you sound like a parrot. I can only say “awe, thanks” so many times, so when I start answering with “Yeah! I think the sex change was a great success!” don’t look confused.
“Your not like the other girls” I know. I’m dope AF! But I’m pretty sure you don’t know that yet because you legit think so because I said ‘I want to get deep dish before running to the Killers concert’... (although that sentence is a pretty accurate description of my life choices)
Whoa how did you get behind me? Stay were I can see you. How do you always end up behind me? Like you were right next to me one second ago and now you are looming over me like the monster in horror movie...are you trying to grind up on me or scare me half to death because damn! Also no. Stop.
Do not grab me. Like for real. You go 80%, I’ll go the rest of the 20% - if I’m feeling it. Grabbing me so you can “talk” to me is not how ears work babe.
Finding my friends who I came here with is priority number one. We said we’d meet at the hydration station, so that is where I am going. Not to another show or club or your apartment. No, I don’t want you to walk me back to my hotel...I have a group of people I like, I already forgot your name, I think I’ll just go back with them...
Oh that note, No I am not going to ditch my friends for you...I JUST met you!
If you buy me food - I will take it, but it does not mean I’m going home with you. Thanks for the pizza slice bro....bye.
I don’t want to hold your hand...I don’t even want to hold a guys hand on the second date, damn I rarely held hands with my long term boyfriend (okay that may just be me) but seriously how am I supposed to eat this deep dish you just got me if I’m holding your hand!
“I just really want to kiss you right now”... Why? You legit just met me. I like the Blink-182...you like the Blink-182. Damn we should make out! What logic is that? I could suck...or have a disease...
Awe you found us on tinder. Cute. Marry me.
“Hey come to this club we are at I’ll pay for your uber.” No. Thank you though. I just don’t feel like getting murdered today.
Dude, I respect that you like this band I’m here too, but I’m 25 and you are clearly 40 with children. Stop.
Sincerely,
This Girl
PS thanks for the pizza
