Does anybody within three-ish hours of Chicago want a giraffe skull?

I'm downsizing the biggest bone in my collection because I just don't have room for him or a purpose for him. He's a bush-collected giraffe (not killed for purpose! not a trophy! this animal died on his own!), not a member of an endangered species (it's legal for me to sell him across state lines) and no paperwork is needed to own him (although I do HAVE some paperwork, which I will give to you), and he's... way too big to ship. Like, legally he fits in the largest box USPS accepts without freight weight, but do you know how expensive that would be?

So here's the kicker: I'm only selling him to someone within driving range. I will deliver this bad boy to anywhere in a 3-ish hour range from Chicago, or 4 if you have a cool zoo. That means anywhere in Chicagoland, Milwaukee, Madison, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids (Detroit's a little too far, sorry!), Toledo (cool zoo!), downstate IL, the Quad Cities, anywhere in that general area. I can be pretty flexible! If you're outside of that radius, we can meet halfway. We will meet in a public parking lot, I will hand over the skull, and you will go home with a beautifully cleaned giraffe. Seriously, look at him. He's beautiful. Honestly if it was just the space thing I'd keep him but he's so far outside the scope of my collection that I really do think he needs a new home with someone who will love and appreciate him more than I do.

I'm asking 800 for him- that's what I paid- and as male giraffe skulls without mandibles run over a grand on Skulls Unlimited, that's a pretty good price! It's literally a thousand dollars cheaper than a comparable skull! This would make an amazing part of any natural history collection or teaching collection, and is just one of the coolest things you could possibly own!

If you're serious about buying this thing, email me at kaijutegu at gmail.com with "giraffe" in the subject line or add me on Discord (kaiju#9562) and we'll talk. Feel free to share this with anyone you know who might want a giraffe skull.

@hellenhighwater you’re into bones right?

googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

I actually, genuinely think social event aftercare would fix me. I need someone to put me to bed and say "you were fun today and no one hated you"

Hi hey hello how are you? Could I humbly ask if any of you would mind terribly tagging and yelling at me to take my damn meds in an hour?

IT’S TIME!!!!!! TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!

Whenever I’m on the street children throw large pebbles at me and say “This is only somewhat due to your bad tumblr posts. There are multiple reasons for this.”

sorry if this is too kinky but can you hold my hand and tell me i mean a lot to you

they should invent a staying up late that doesnt guarantee less sleep

sometimes a video game with a bad story has a good secret story that you can unlock if you pretend the bad parts aren’t there and make up a bunch of stuff

This trick works for tv shows, books and movies too!

Listen to me. Look at me. I need to be very serious with yall for a moment. If this is you. If you relate to this at all. I need you to start making stories. This is stories trying to get out of you. Go let them out. You are creative. No part of this will be easy. But it’s worth it. Make. Stories.

Being sensitive to changes in barometric pressure is crazy what do you mean my problem is that the wind changed direction. What do you mean it's the fuckin clouds

If you've seen that one screencap, you know what it's about.

For the people in the notes, they sell this artwork and others on stickers and other prints over at redbubble!

Clicky linky

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

holy shit bronze age pro sheep bone gamer girl

this is hilarious but also im gonna cry like this teenage gamer died and they buried her with her high score. no one took back the pot or divided it up because no one would play against her again. her family and friends buried her with her wins. im crying

No offense but I think some of you would be a lot happier writing a fictional atlas or encyclopedia instead of a narrative story

Concur! Go forth and write your Dragonology and your Guidebook to Fairyland! Write a traveler's diary of a setting! These are fun and legitimate things to do!

I love books that are literally just this!

I might get dogpiled for this but…someone send this to Brando Sando…

After years of living in the adulting world, I think I’ve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when you’re in a bad mood.

When you’re happy, when you’re feeling generous, when you’re pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, it’s easy to be nice. It’s easy to tip the waiter well when you’ve had a good day. It’s easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. It’s easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when you’re in a good mood.

It’s hard to tip the waiter when you didn’t enjoy your food. It’s hard to thank the clerk for their time when you’ve just been told there’s a problem with their account and they weren’t able to fix it for you. It’s hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. It’s hard to be nice to people when you’ve had a shitty day. It’s HARD.

That’s what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you can’t think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, they’re scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.

Because most of the time, it’s not the waiter’s fault that the food you ordered wasn’t what you expected. It’s not the clerk’s fault that your account is overdrawn. It’s not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you can’t summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.

This is very wise and very well put.

lets settle this properly